


Sound.

by kotabear24



Series: Senses. [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Bottom Harry, Childhood Trauma, Family, Fights, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Football Player Harry, Football Player Louis, Football | Soccer, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Violence, Oral Sex, Self Care, Senses, Therapy, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:38:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 54,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11784276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotabear24/pseuds/kotabear24
Summary: After two months of being apart, Louis returns home to Harry over Christmas break. Featuring copious amounts of personal growth, love, sexy times, and - of course - communication.





	Sound.

**Author's Note:**

> This 100% got written because of my girlfriend, Jem.   
> Babe, we've been together nearly two years, now, and they've been some of the most amazing two years of my life because of you. I'm so happy to be able to say I've found my Louis in you. In fact, when I started writing this a few years ago, before I knew you, I was hurting, broken, lonely, and grieving, and I wrote Louis and Harry's relationship and subconsciously modeled it to be everything I needed, and I didn't realize until I reread it and started writing this timestamp that I had basically written my 'Touch'-Louis into existence with in the form of a beautiful, intelligent, and kind-hearted woman named Jem. Thank you so much for working so hard to keep me happy, make me feel safe and loved, and - of course - communicate endlessly with me no matter how much I drive you crazy and need from you.   
> Thank you for being my Louis.  
> Love always. KB24

Harry took a deep breath as he walked around the corner from the hallway in front of his room. Once he rounded it, he could see his mum and Robin, sitting on the couch and watching TV together, laughing at whatever was on. 

“Hey, H,” his mum said, and Harry forced a smile as he hovered in the doorway. After a moment of hesitation, she frowned and muted the TV. “Everything okay?” She asked, and Harry took another deep breath. 

He walked into the living room and curled his socked feet underneath him, sitting down in the arm chair so he could see his mum and Robin clearly. Clasping his hands like he was praying, he cleared his throat and said, “I want to talk to you about Dad.”

The following silence lingered and felt like it was going to last forever. Robin’s eyes darted from Harry to Anne, and he cleared his throat before he stood up slowly, patting his pockets for his keys. 

“Well, it’s getting late,” he said mildly, but didn’t add anything else as he started ambling away. 

Harry hadn’t meant to kick Robin out, and he started to say so. “Robin, I -”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, darling,” Anne interrupted, speaking swiftly and quietly, and she didn’t even look away from Harry to make eye contact. Harry watched, feeling a little guilty, as Robin left without a goodnight kiss from Anne and a friendly nod from Harry. 

Once the door was shut, Harry waited quietly while Anne stared at him. After a moment, she spoke.

“You…”

“Want to talk about Dad,” Harry affirmed, nodding his head once. “Yeah.”

Anne took a deep breath, and a long drink from her tea, and then set down the cup on the table next to her before she nodded to herself and clapped her hands, like she had to psych herself up for it. “Okay,” she said, blowing out a deep breath. “Alright. What would you like to talk about?”

Now, Harry floundered a bit. What did he want to know? “I…” He didn’t really know how to say it, and though his mum was watching him ever-so-patiently, Harry felt pressured to come up with an answer. “How often did Dad molest me?” He blurted out, finally, and Anne’s eyes closed tightly. Harry watched her swallow and take a deep breath before she opened her eyes again. 

“As far as I know,” she said carefully, like it was an important phrase, and Harry understood - he remembered that she used to leave him home with Des alone pretty often, when they fought. “As far as I know, only the one time. You never - I never picked up on any signs from you, even looking back now, knowing what I know now, that you were being abused. In any way,” she added firmly.

Harry nodded, because he really did only remember the one time, and even then, not well - but his mum’s tone made it seem like she wasn’t quite done, so he stayed quiet. 

Eventually, Anne continued. “That being said,” she began, her voice sounding a bit thick, “I think that...the one time was… _truly_ traumatic for you - I mean, even more than an isolated incident would’ve normally been - because I…” Anne took another breath. “When I was younger - when _you_ were younger, my friend’s daughter was...she confessed that she had been messed with as a kid by her older cousin. My friend told me, and she was just - you know, she was devastated, and said that Ally, her daughter, never told anyone because she didn’t realize it was bad to - be touched there, I guess.” Anne sniffed, and shook her head, finally breaking eye contact with Harry to stare off. “Sharon was really big on teaching her kids about how the body was normal and beautiful; she kind of - de-sexualized the body, in that sense, and I guess Ally took from that...a kind of idea that it wasn’t a big deal to be touched anywhere on the body, because no body part was more private than another. 

“When Sharon told me, I was - I was horrified, like any parent would be. And I talked to Des about it, and he was...god, he was disgusted, you know? So upset about it, that someone could do such a thing, that a child wouldn’t be taught the differences, like that. He was _instantly_ adamant that you grow up with intense boundaries, and I completely agreed with him because I wanted you to be more aware and to _tell us_ if, you know, god forbid…” 

Harry swallowed as his mum’s eyes filled with tears, but he didn’t move from his spot. He felt like he really needed to get these answers with some semblance of solitude, and he couldn’t do that sitting next to his mum. 

“So,” he began slowly, “my body boundaries, and, like...how I’m so private about my body, and about… About sex?”

Anne nodded. “That’s down to how we raised you,” she supplied, looking like she was confident in her answer. “I mean, I’m sure it - I’m sure what happened, you know, affected you and how you dealt with your body, but we were really insistent on you keeping your body to yourself.” She was quiet for a moment, and then she hid her face while silent tears streamed down her face anew. “God, you must’ve felt _so terrified_ and _so violated_ while he...I’m so sorry, Harry.” She looked up, her eyes desperate and aching. “I know it’s not - I know I never could’ve guessed he would have done something like that; I know it’s not my fault that he did it, but I am _so sorry_ that we raised you on such a strict boundary, only to have it so completely violated, like that.”

“Mum,” Harry admonished gently. “Mum, you’re right, it’s not your fault at all. You were protecting me; you were raising me. You couldn’t have ever known… I don’t blame you - not for any of this, Mum, and I never have. Not even for a second.”

Anne only shook her head, though, crying into her hands, and Harry wiped some tears from his own cheeks. After a few minutes, though, she sniffed, drawing in a long, deep and ragged breath, and lifted her head up, ready to talk more. “There are still days when it just - you know, it just hits me that...that that happened to _you_. You know? You’re such a happy, wonderful, amazing boy and you - I don’t know,” she trailed off, shaking her head. “I love you so much,” she added. “I don’t tell you enough, but _god_ , do I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Harry murmured, a small smile on his face as he surveyed his mum. Like always, she seemed to know he wasn’t done, and she nodded gamely. 

“Go ahead,” she invited, and Harry swallowed. 

“Did he - all I remember, from that day, you know - I remember what came before it, and I remember when he came over to me and - he, you know. He started touching m-my...my penis -” Anne’s eyes squeezed shut for a moment, but she nodded for him to continue - “and he was crying, and apologizing, but his eyes were…” Harry swallowed tightly. “And then, you came in, and he panicked, but then it - it just _ends_ ,” Harry confessed. “I...I need to know, Mum. Did he - I know he was, like… _stroking_ me, or whatever…” Harry’s cheeks reddened, but he persevered; this was what he needed to know, more than anything. “Did he - did he do anything else? I just - I need to… I have to know where my body’s been.”

Anne had fresh tears going down her cheeks, again, but she nodded. “I understand,” she said kindly, and Harry breathed in relief. At least she didn’t hate him for making her relive this all. 

She folded her hands and clasped them between her knees, folded in on herself a little, and she spoke to her toes, unable to look Harry in the eye. “When I got home, all I saw was him hunkered down over you. You were upset, you were crying, and you were trying to push him away from you. I saw your - I saw your pants were pulled down, and I just...snapped.” She sighed, but continued, her fingers flexing and fidgeting. “I screamed at him, and I ran towards him, and I - it was obvious that he was, you know...molesting you. It was obvious. And I tried to hit him, but he just shoved me, and he was so big that - I couldn’t have ever fought him off of you on my own, but his hands were… His _hands_ were on my _baby_. After he pushed me, he hit you - punched you right in the face, and I grabbed a pan off the stove, and just started hitting him and screaming. I could’ve killed him,” she said, confessing. “I thought I had. I thought he was dead. I called the police, and I - I don’t even remember what I said, if I said someone was molesting my son, or if I said my husband was unconscious, or if I said I had killed him, I - I don’t remember.” She looked up at Harry, then, suddenly, and her green eyes were flashing defiantly. “I wish I would have killed him,” she said boldly, her voice cold. “Then, and I still do. I wish I’d killed him that day.”

“So, was it -” Harry began, not really knowing how to ask delicately. “Was it just his - hands?”

“Right, I’m - I’m sorry,” his mum said, shaking her head. “I got caught up…” She took a big breath. “It looked like he was touching your penis,” she nodded, choking out the sentence. “I had you examined, _very_ thoroughly, and you - the doctor said there was no traces of...anything. Your - your bum was left alone, she said, and there wasn’t any, like, semen, or saliva, or - she said it was strictly touching, and only on your...penis.”

Harry let the statement hang in the air as he digested it, mentally and emotionally. Finally, he looked up and smiled at his mum, who looked confused to see it. 

“Mum,” he said, feeling the weight lifting from his shoulders. “Don’t you get it? I’ve already - I’ve lived for nearly ten years, afraid to ask what he did to me. And this whole time, it’s just been...looming around, you know, wondering if there was more to the story, or if I’d blocked out something that happened often, maybe even for years. This whole time, I haven’t known if Louis -” Harry cut himself off, and then blushed wildly, but decided his mum could handle it. “If Louis was the first person to do this or that. You don’t - _I_ didn’t even - know it was such a big deal to me, to know this. I - Mum, I’ve already...I’m already dealing with my memory of how he molested me. I’m working through that. Like, I have a _system_ for it, and everything.” Harry breathed out a sigh of relief. “I...thank you, Mum,” he said. 

Finally, he moved over to sit with her, and he curled up in her lap as much as he could, probably looking like a mastiff sitting on a child’s lap, but he could tell she needed it. 

\---

“When are you going to get here, again?” 

Harry turned on his signal as he moved towards the school, wiping his eyes against the early morning sun. 

“ _I’ll get there in about...fourteen more hours,_ ” Louis’ voice came through the speaker of Harry’s phone. “ _And next semester doesn’t start up again until the ninth_.”

Harry squealed as he pulled into his parking spot. He couldn’t believe Louis was going to be home _tonight_!

Louis’ chuckle came through Harry’s tinny speaker. “ _I know it’s only been a month, but I’m excited to have three and a half weeks to spend with everyone, especially since I didn’t get to see you much over Thanksgiving_.”

“Yeah,” Harry frowned. “Gran is doing a lot better, though,” he added, and smiled at Louis’ pleased voice. 

“ _Good_!” He said. “ _I’m really glad to hear it. I know it was looking really bad for a few weeks…_ ”

“Yeah, it really didn’t look too good for her. I’m bummed that we missed out on so much time over Thanksgiving, but I _am_ glad we went and spent those few days with her; I think it made her feel really good that she’s still so important to us, especially since we didn’t get around to visiting her much at the old house.”

“ _I bet. Makes sense, though; it_ is _a bit of a trip from your old house, since it’s such a weird way to the highway to get over there_.”

“Mhmm,” Harry agreed. “Speaking of Gran...I wanted to tell you something,” Harry hedged. 

“ _Okay…_ ” Louis hedged, and it made Harry laugh; he hadn’t meant to make Louis nervous. 

“Oh, it’s nothing bad!” He assured with a small giggle. “Gran’s getting out of hospice tomorrow, and she’s actually going to be spending a few weeks with us over break.”

“ _Oh, okay_ ,” Louis said, trailing off. 

Harry grinned; he knew where Louis’ mind would be. “We’ll just have to be quiet if we do anything at my house,” he said, reassuringly. “She’s really cool, though, like. She won’t be rude, or anything. Mum wouldn’t let her, even if she would.”

“ _Fair enough_ ,” Louis surmised. 

Harry grinned, even though Louis couldn’t see him, and said, “Well, hey, I’ve gotta go; I’m at the field already. See you tonight!”

“ _Have fun; love you!_ ”

“Love you, too.” Harry ended the call and hopped out of Wanda, and jogged over to the locker room. He took his Captain’s key and unlocked it, immediately going into the weight room to put on some music, and started in for a thirty-minute cardio workout on the elliptical. The guys made fun of him for using the elliptical sometimes, but Harry didn’t care; he jogged too much to work up a real, genuine sweat on a treadmill, and the bicycle machine made his knee hurt from time to time. His best-ever cardio always came from a good workout with the elliptical.

“Hey, man!”

Harry looked up into the mirror in front of him and saw that Scot had come in, joining Harry as he usually did on Thursday mornings. 

“Hey,” Harry said breathlessly, not slowing or stopping for anything. “Just started; hurry and catch up!”

Harry had asked Scot to start working out with him in the mornings when he could because he wanted to lift weights, but knew better than to do it without a spotter, to catch the weight in case something happened and Harry got hurt. Scot was more than happy to join, but he had to take care of his little brother in the mornings, so he could only come Thursday mornings, when Evan had choir rehearsal before school started. 

Scot nodded and got to work, jamming to the music Harry had playing, and they worked in relative quiet together for nearly half an hour until Harry was disgustingly drenched in sweat. 

“You ever think about getting into CrossFit, or something?” Scot asked as he mopped his face with a towel, turning off the treadmill and walking over to Harry. 

Harry turned the music down a bit and shook his head. “Not really,” he said honestly. 

“I’ve been looking into it,” Scot said, hanging the hand towel over his neck, letting it drop down onto his bare, sweaty chest. “Think you might like it, actually. It’s a lot of working out with your own body as resistance, and then they do some pretty intense lifting. Usually high weight, low rep, kind of stuff.”

Harry nodded, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to _build_ muscle. “I’m not really, like, trying to bulk up,” he murmured, “but I’ll look into it, for sure. I like body-type workouts, like that. Thanks.”

Scot shrugged, and they headed to the squat rack, sliding fifties onto the bar in companionable quiet together, listening to Harry’s music while they lifted and spotted for one another. Scot was much stronger than Harry, much bigger and more muscley, and if they weren’t on friendly terms - maybe they were even friends; Harry didn’t really know - Harry definitely would have been terrified to meet Scot in a dark alley on his own. 

“You’re getting stronger,” Scot said mildly as they cleaned up and headed toward the showers. 

“Thanks,” Harry said, pleased and a bit surprised. 

Scot shrugged again, usually a quiet and chill kind of person, and Harry decided he liked that. If they weren’t already friends, Harry was going to start thinking of Scot as a friend. 

They hit the showers, staying a respectable two showers away from one another, as shower etiquette dictated, and said friendly farewells as Scot moved to his car and Harry just left his where it was, choosing instead to walk the short distance past the football field, baseball field, and tennis courts to the school. 

He met Liam and Niall by the front door, like usual, and smiled when they greeted him warmly. 

“You excited to see Louis tonight?” Niall wasted no time in asking, and Harry blushed a bit when he gave a dramatic wink.

“Of course,” he said, unable to keep the huge smile off his face. “He’s been so busy with finals the last two weeks, I haven’t even talked to him more than a few times a week, and they’re usually really short.”

“I know what you mean,” Niall said sympathetically, while Liam scrunched up his nose, nodding, as well. “Zayner’s been so busy lately; he even asked me not to drive to Kilgore until Saturday afternoon, so he’d have all the day to study. We’ll really only get a bit of Sunday together.”

“That sucks,” Harry said, tilting his head. “Sorry, mate.”

“It’s all good,” Niall said, shrugging even though he did still look a bit upset. “I mean, I do get to see him every other weekend, so I can’t really complain. Plus, we’re always FaceTiming, so, you know. It’s okay.”

Harry yawned about four times as Niall spoke, and Liam finally noticed, butting in.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, covering his own yawn and looking a bit irritated. It made Niall laugh. “Are you still having nightmares?”

“Well, yeah, sometimes,” Harry said, shaking it off like an annoying house fly. “Not as often, anymore, but sometimes. I’m not - I’m just tired because Mum has us cleaning the house like crazy, right now. Gran just called last night and said she’s getting released from hospice.”

“That’s awesome!” Liam said, looking ecstatic, and Niall joined in, nodding happily.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Harry said happily. “She’s actually gonna come and, like, stay with us for a few weeks over break.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Niall said, scrunching his nose up. 

“What?” Harry said, confused. Niall had never even met his Gran.

“It’s just, you know… Your room is right next to the guest bedroom,” Niall said, sticking his neck out delicately like he didn’t want to say something. 

“The bathroom is between our rooms, but, yeah, so?”

“It’s - I mean, you can’t exactly go to town on Louis _now_ , can you?”

Harry snorted, though he blushed a bit, and Liam just rolled his eyes. 

“Why is everything about sex with you, Ni?” He asked, fondly exasperated. 

Niall just shrugged as the bell rang. “Hey,” he said defensively, “I’m not the one who hasn’t been laid in two months, here.”

Harry whined, mentally, and Liam clapped Harry on a shoulder in solidarity while he continued to scold Niall good-naturedly. “It’s not like they’re having sex every five _minutes_ , Niall,” he said, laughing.

Niall got distracted from the exact conversation, then, and leaned over to see Harry’s face while they walked to their lockers. “Do you think you’re gonna go all the way this break?” He asked, and Harry bit his lip. 

“I - maybe?” He said hesitantly, and Liam’s head whipped around, revealing a surprised look. “I, erm. I talked to my mum last night, got some answers I guess I needed, but didn’t realize it until last night. It really got a lot off my chest, basically, and I’m - I’m really happy, I guess, to just be, like. Fully aware? Of everything that happened?” Harry looked at his friends, who were both nodding, Liam looking like he was finally at peace, and Niall looking excited for him. “And, basically...yeah. I think I’m ready.”

“I’m really happy for you, Harry,” Liam said at once. The bell rang, but Liam just stopped walking and stood in front of Harry and Niall. “I mean it; I really am.” He hugged Harry, suddenly, then, and before Harry could really reciprocate it fully, he was gone, whisking himself off to his class down the D hallway. 

“That was unexpected,” Niall said, but then he pounced on Harry, too, hugging him tightly. He stayed long enough for Harry to hug him back, and then let go. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s get to class before Moore gets pissy.”

\---

“Keep running, Rowland!” 

Harry looked over, keeping a close eye on the football in front of his feet, and saw Mitch, the junior replacement for Louis, struggling to keep up with him. Harry kind of wanted to slow down a bit, because he knew if Mitch and him didn’t stay together, the play wouldn’t work, but he also knew that if he slowed down, Coach would kill him. Harry kept running, and sighed, a little disappointed, when the whistle blew. 

“Rowland! Why aren’t you keeping up with Styles?”

Mitch kept his head down, but he answered, “He’s too fast, Coach!”

Secretly pleased, Harry refused to let his smile show on his face. He kept his face stoic and stood straight, his arms behind his head as he tried to control his panting. 

“Styles, did you know you’re _too fast_ for your center, here?”

Harry chewed his lip, looking apologetically in Mitch’s direction, and said, “No, sir.”

“Did you know that a footballer could be _too fast_?”

“...No, sir.”

“Everyone! Laps!” When several players groaned, Coach blew his whistle. “NOW!” He yelled, and they all took off toward the track to start running laps. “And keep up with Styles!”

Harry burned red for being singled out, but he knew Coach was aware he hated attention being called to him, and that that was exactly why Coach did it, to put Harry through tests and make him a stronger player and athlete. He hated it, but he knew better than to respond. 

“Thanks a lot, Harry.”

Harry didn’t respond to Rav, whose mood had been worsening every time they got onto the field and Coach had something nice to say about Harry. 

“You just had to keep showing off, and now we’re running laps instead of playing.”

“Shut up, Rav,” Scot growled, pushing himself to run. 

“Standing up for your boyfriend, Scot?” Rav answered back nastily, and Harry started getting irritated. 

“Shut up, or I run faster and make you look like a jerk,” he snapped. 

But Rav just laughed, surprised that Harry had even responded. “Oh- _ho_! Seem to have touched a _nerve_ , didn’t I? Does your college boyfriend know you’re sluttin’ it up with Scot?”

“Shut up, Rav,” Scot said again, running faster so that he was even running a little faster than Harry. 

Harry looked over to Coach and saw he was still watching, so he ran faster, knowing Coach expected him to be in the lead. 

“Don’t be a dick just because Styles can run,” Mitch panted, shooting Rav a nasty look.

“Oh, _please_ ,” Rav said derisively. “Everyone knows Harry only runs because he thinks his dead _Daddy_ is gonna come molest him again.”

Rav hadn’t even finished the sentence when Harry’s blood turned to ice and he stopped, dead in his tracks, turning around. He didn’t even have time to say anything, though, when Mitch, Scot, Chibuzo, and several other players were all rushing at Rav, hitting, kicking, and shouting at him. 

Harry watched the scene unfold, more players getting involved by the second, before he snapped out of it and started shouting, forcing himself to nearly scream to let his voice be heard. 

“Knock it off! Guys, stop it! Enough, that’s _enough_!” Coach was sprinting over, blowing his whistle, but Harry knew it would take him too long to get all the way across the field. He took a deep breath and steeled himself, knowing this would hurt his throat. “ _ENOUGH_!”

That got enough of the boys’ attention that Harry could shove them out of the way and start pulling guys away from each other, four of his teammates still fighting with Rav, who was already bleeding but was still fighting back. Jordan started helping, and then Mitch, but the rest of the guys just stood around, watching, and moved out of the way when Coach finally got there, blowing his whistle sharply until he dropped it from his mouth. 

“ _Disgusting_! What the hell was that?!” He was yelling, his face contorted into fury. Nobody answered, though they all stared at him. He still had one hand around Rav’s shirt and another around Scot’s, and when he realized nobody was going to talk, he turned to face Harry, slinging Rav and Scot around like they were ragdolls and weighed nothing. “Styles, what the hell happened?”

Rav snorted when Coach called on Harry, but Harry only looked away, not answering as he stared at the ground. 

Coach’s words cut deep when he sighed and said, quietly, “I’m disappointed in you, Harry.” He shoved Rav off in one direction, and Scot off in another, and roared, “Take a knee, everyone!”

When they were all down, Coach started pacing and staring each one of them in the face angrily before looking at the next kid. “I’ve coached some real idiots in my time here,” he said after a long, uncomfortable silence in which he stared into the soul of every player, “but I have _never_ witnessed such an embarrassing scene like the one I saw just now. This is _repulsive_. Disgusting. I am _ashamed_ of you all. I was going to let you have off for the last week of the semester. NOT ANYMORE!” Harry wasn’t the only one who jumped when Coach shouted suddenly. “Those of you who didn’t fight, kudos to you. But _nobody_ tried to break up the fight until _Styles_ did. Several of you sat and _watched_ the fight. Do you know who does that? COWARDS! You’re not _real men_ ; after today, you don’t even deserve to be called _teenagers_! Fighting is disgusting, _stupid_ , and the most debasing thing you can do - to resort to _violence_ to solve your problems?! I should cut every single one of you from my team, _right_ now.”

Harry looked up with true fear in his eyes. Football was pretty much his life, now. If Coach cut him, what would he even _do_?

“Ease up,” Coach said, looking disgusted at all of them. “If I don’t have a team, I don’t have a job. That is the only reason you’re not all _off my field_ right now.

“If I _ever_ \- EVER - see a ridiculous display like that again, from _any_ of you, for _any_ reason, you’re off the team. I’ll take a job at _Hidalgo_ before I coach a team of delinquent _pansies_ like the lot of you.” Coach stood towering above them all, looking so disappointed that Harry wanted to die. “Now, _get off_ my field, you embarrassments! Your new practicing schedule will be waiting for you tomorrow _at six thirty in the morning_!”

The team groaned, but as Harry stood to leave, Coach called his name, Scot’s, and Rav’s, telling them they had to stay behind. “I want to know what happened, _right now_. Rav.”

Rav spat on the ground, and he jerked his head at Harry. “I was messing with Harry, and apparently, the team can’t handle a few jokes, because they jumped on me out of nowhere and started beating the shit out of me. Styles didn’t bother to jump in until he saw you coming over.”

Harry’s mouth fell open indignantly, but he knew better than to speak. 

“Enough,” Coach said. “Scot.”

Scot heaved a sigh, looking at Harry, like he was asking permission. Harry looked down at his cleats. After a moment, Scot seemed to give up, and he said, “Rav was bitching -”

“Language, Streiss -”

“About Harry because you never get on to Harry, I guess, and started making offensive comments about Harry’s sexuality. When I told him to stop, he did the same to me, and then continued to talk badly about Tommo and Harry, and when Mitch took Harry’s side and told him to shut up, Rav -” Scot stopped, then, and looked at Harry. Harry had seen it coming, though, and kept his eyes on his cleats. 

“Rav did what, Scot?” 

Scot watched Coach’s face go purple, but he refused to betray Harry. Still, Harry knew Scot had better be honest, and quick. “It’s okay, Scot,” he said. Scot clenched his jaw, though, and he knew he’d have to be the one to tell the story; Scot wouldn’t repeat it. 

With a heavy sigh, Harry stood up straight and, looking Coach dead in the eyes, said, “Rav started talking smack about my - about my father.” 

Coach’s face contorted again, fury regrowing on his features. “Scot, you’re free to go. You’re not done being punished!” He called after Scot’s quickly retreating figure. He looked at Rav with unadulterated rage. Harry wasn’t sure what or how much Coach knew about his dad, but he clearly knew enough. He suddenly felt a little bad for Rav, because he knew the boy was about to face Coach’s wrath. 

After a moment, Coach schooled his face into a mask of calm, and he asked quietly, “Exactly _what_ did he say, Harry?” 

Painstakingly, and very reluctantly, Harry told Coach everything Rav had said while Rav looked on, his face slowly turning into regret and nerves, knowing that Coach was obviously on Harry’s side. 

Finally, Harry was done talking, and Coach nodded. He turned to Rav, and in his deep, trembling voice, asked, “Is this all true, Rav?”

Rav hesitated, and Harry saw him consider lying, but he must have thought about the number of witnesses who defended Harry, because he eventually nodded. 

“Thank you for finally telling the truth,” Coach said. “Is there anything you’d like to say for yourself?”

“No,” Rav said strongly, setting his jaw and sucking his teeth at Harry. 

Coach sighed, and, after a moment, he said, “Well, alright, then. You’re off the team.” Rav’s face paled, and he looked shocked, as did Harry. “Clear out your locker by Friday at five, and don’t come back. I _will not_ tolerate bullying on my team, and I’ve warned you several times about this. I’m done.” Coach drew himself up importantly, putting his hands on his waist, and nodded at Rav one last time. “See you around. Harry,” he dismissed Harry and Rav, and walked off the field, probably going to his office to sit at his desk and hate his life. 

Harry looked at Rav, who had dropped to sit on the grass and was holding his head in his hands, and then walked away without a word. He changed quickly in the locker room, skipping the shower in case Rav decided to come in and confront him some more, and then drove home, glad he didn’t have work or therapy. 

He called Louis, but Louis didn’t answer, and Harry guessed he was probably already on the phone with his mum. He resolved to talk to him about what had just happened later, when Louis finally arrived. 

When Harry got home, the house was empty, as he knew it would be, but there was a list taped to the back of the door, like he also knew there would be. The list was full of things Anne wanted Harry to start working on, since her mum would be coming tomorrow morning, and she wanted the house perfect and comfortable for her to make her stay more pleasant. 

After a quick shower, Harry cranked his music up and started spot-cleaning the guest bedroom: Niall and Liam had both, on separate occasions, stayed for a few days throughout the summer, and Harry had never really gone to give it a thorough scrubbing because he hadn’t actually thought about it. Knowing his immune-fragile grandmother would be staying in there, though, made Harry want to sterilize it almost completely.

Harry had just finished when he heard a knock on his door, followed by the sound of the door opening. Harry gasped, looking at the time, and bolted out of the room to round the corner, and sure enough, it was Louis, who looked…

Well.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks, because Louis’ shirt was new and also quite a bit tighter than the shirts he used to wear, and Harry could literally see abs through the material. Louis’ arms were also thicker, his biceps nice and bulging, and Harry swallowed as he took in Louis’ face, having hardened just a tiny bit. His hair was also in a swoop quiff, a new style he’d been wearing more recently, and Harry suddenly couldn’t take standing apart from him a second longer. He quickly crossed the distance between them.

“ _Hey_ ,” Louis said on a sigh, like getting eyes on Harry provided him with the greatest relief he’d ever needed. 

Harry smiled as he wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck, ducking his head down and hunching his shoulders a bit to fit his forehead in the space between Louis’ neck and shoulder. Harry was a bit taller than Louis, now, noticeably taller, but he refused to let that change the way he was held. Louis seemed to agree wholeheartedly, because he squeezed Harry’s waist and allowed him to make himself small. 

“Hi, you,” Harry said when he pulled back, and for a moment, they just stared at one another, letting themselves drink in the sight of one another like they were dying of thirst. 

“Hi,” Louis said back, laughing like his happiness at seeing Harry just couldn’t be contained inside of his body. Harry felt that way, too. 

He went back in for another hug, and then remembered that Louis had been on the road for a _while_ and probably just wanted to sit and relax. “God, do you need a drink, or anything? Snack? Are you hungry? Do you want to nap?”

Louis chuckled and slid his hand inside of Harry’s, and he craned his neck up to kiss Harry’s lips before rocking back on his heels happily. “Stop it,” he laughed, “I’m not a house guest; it’s just me.”

Harry didn’t answer, but he did lean down slowly and cup Louis’ cheek in his hand, pressing their foreheads together, and just stared. Louis smiled, closed his eyes, and tilted his head to give Harry a real kiss. It was a beautiful moment, and though Harry started to feel a bit hot under the collar, like he _could_ , very easily, get an erection, he pushed the thought away and instead pressed himself against Louis. They wrapped their arms around one another and stood in the entrance of the house, kissing slowly and not taking it anywhere. 

Finally, though, they needed to breathe, and admitted defeat. Louis’ lips were swollen and dark, and Harry was sure his were, as well. “Come on,” he told Louis quietly, suddenly feeling quite shy. He led Louis into the kitchen by his hand, and kept looking back because he wasn’t finished looking at him. Louis hopped up onto the counter as Harry grabbed him a drink and started cooking dinner for them and his mum. 

“How was your drive?” Harry asked, searching for the spinach in the back of the fridge. 

“It was good,” Louis said mildly. “Not _too_ many idiot drivers on the road other than me, thankfully.”

Harry laughed and tossed him the bag of spinach, searching now for the lettuce and cabbage. “Well, _that’s_ good,” he replied. He was completely unable to keep the grin off his face.

“How was _your_ day? I saw you called after practice; I was on the phone with Mum.”

“Ah.” Harry felt the grin droop, but even that couldn’t really kill his mood. “Well,” he hedged, digging now in the pantry for pepitas and other nuts and seeds he could put into the salad, “it’s a… It’s going to make you a little mad, but it’s got, like, an ending that - just listen, okay?” Harry said, laughing a bit so Louis wouldn’t get nervous.

“Okay,” Louis cautiously agreed, a hesitant grin on his face because he saw one on Harry’s. 

“So, you know Rav,” Harry began, and Louis nodded. “Well, he kind of… He went after me about being gay, had a go at me about me and you, and then Scot jumped in to defend me, and Rav had a go at _him_ , and then he... implied that I was, like, sleeping with him? With Scot, because Scot defended me, or whatever. And then, he went after you again, saying you probably didn’t even know that I was - you know, with other guys, or whatever, and basically called - he _did_ call me a slut. So, like, Scot and him got into it again, and Rav ended the whole thing by saying, like, in front of _everyone_ , that the only reason I run so well is that I - that I’m afraid that, like. He said I run because I’m afraid my crazy....my crazy dad will come and - molest me again.”

Louis looked like he was about to explode - he looked truly enraged, and Harry rushed to finish the story. “So, anyway, the team kind of jumped him, and, like, I had to break it up, and then he came and - Coach came in and broke it up because I was terrible at it, basically, completely horrendous, and then, like, Coach got really mad, and now we’re all on a new schedule because he’s _basically_ going to kill us; like, he was so mad at us for fighting and stuff. So, anyway, then he kicked Rav off the team completely, and let me and Scot go.”

Louis fish-mouthed for a moment before he finally said anything. “Er, _wow_.”

“Mhmm, I know,” Harry agreed, nodding. He grabbed a bowl and started mixing together a salad, the chicken already cooking on the stovetop. He grabbed two pomegranates and started peeling them as he spoke. “You should’ve seen Coach, Lou. He was so angry. He said he’d rather coach at Hidalgo High than coach a team that fights and watches fights like cowards, said we didn’t even deserve to be called teenagers, let alone men, called us embarrassments… It was really bad. He even said that the only reason he didn’t cut every single one of us was because he wouldn’t have a job if he didn’t have a team.”

“Damn,” Louis said, eyebrows high. “Are you alright?”

Harry shrugged, making a ‘blegh’ sort of face. “I mean, it was really embarrassing, and I’m dreading going back to the locker room to look the guys in their faces after knowing they, like. Heard that my dad...did that… But, I mean. I’m still their captain, right? I still lead them, and most of them defended me really hard, so maybe they already knew? I’m not sure. I dunno if, like, any of them knew, or if they just didn’t believe it, or what, but…” Harry shrugged, a little amazed as he thought about it. “They all _really_ had my back. Not that I’m glad they beat him up, or anything,” he rushed to add, making Louis roll his eyes, because, of course, he knew that, “but, like. It was really nice to have seventeen guys instantly defending you when one of them takes it way too far.”

“I bet,” Louis agreed, nodding vigorously. “That’s really something, babe; you really must be an amazing captain and friend, to have such a loyal group of guys at your back.”

Harry blushed, looking down at his fruit as he messed with it. They say quietly with one another, and finally, Harry blurted, “I don’t know what to say to you, right now; I’m so happy to see you that all I want to tell you is I’m glad you’re here, over and over again.”

Louis laughed, loudly, making Harry join in with him. “Me, too,” Louis cried out, and held out his arms, inviting Harry in. With Louis on top of the counter, he was taller than Harry again, and Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist and kissed him, their mouths stretched awkwardly from trying to kiss and smile at the same time. It was too much fun to stop, and when Anne finally walked in, she found them like that. 

“Well, _hi, there_ ,” she said with a big smile on her face as Harry and Louis sprang apart. “Oh, don’t mind me,” she waved them off, “it’s not like I mind seeing you two together. Sorry I’m home so late; Tish was out sick today, so they asked me to stay and do the writeups for three different meetings. How was your drive?” She asked Louis, who hopped down off the counter. 

He bounded over and hugged her tightly, nestling in because he was happy to see her. He had just barely been able to see Harry over Thanksgiving break because his gran was doing poorly; he hadn’t seen Anne at all, because she was already at the hospital when Harry told Louis. It had been two months. 

“The drive was fine,” Louis answered, humming as Anne laughed and hugged him back. Releasing her, he grabbed her shoulders and squeezed, saying, “It’s so wonderful to see you. You look terrific.”

Harry grinned as his mum blushed, laughing and a little flustered at all the attention. “It’s great to see you, too, sweetheart!” She exclaimed. “How’s your mum?”

Harry loaded up the plates and set the table as his mum and Louis caught up with one another, gossiping like they were both eighty years old, and he marveled at how light his heart felt, how swoopy his stomach was, and how much his cheeks _already_ hurt because he couldn’t stop smiling. 

Dinner was happy, but quick; Louis had been ravenous, and shoveled his food down easily, like it would disappear if he didn’t eat it fast enough. Finally caught up on family, Anne now turned her attention to Harry, checking to see if he’d been able to finish the list of things she’d needed done. 

“I got the guest room and bathroom all cleaned,” Harry said, “but I didn’t get the chance to sweep the floors and make sure the blankets were all within reach.” 

“I’ll take care of that; don’t you worry,” Anne said as she stood to wash her plate off. “And I’ll take care of the dishes, too,” she said, waving Harry off with a smile. “Go spend some time together; I know you’re both dying to. I’m actually exhausted, so I’m going to just finish a few things up and go take a bath before bed.”

“Are you sure?” Harry asked, trying not to sound ecstatic and hopeful. Louis was smiling as he looked from Harry to his mum, and when Anne nodded, Harry turned away so his grinning wouldn’t be too obnoxious. 

They gave Anne their plates and walked to Harry’s room, Louis sighing as he pulled Harry into his arms from behind. They walked towards the bed, and Harry blushed as he wantonly craned his neck to the side, hoping Louis would take the bait and kiss his neck. 

Chuckling, he did, and Harry closed his eyes and smiled blissfully as Louis’ lips moved on the sensitive skin. Louis must have heard the contented sigh; there was no way he missed it. 

He wrapped his arms tighter around Harry and nuzzled into his neck, just breathing him in. Harry felt treasured and happy, standing in Louis’ embrace, and was only a bit surprised that he could feel so happy just to be in someone’s presence, like this. 

“It was nice of your mum to give us some privacy,” Louis murmured in Harry’s ear. Harry shivered, a blush creeping down his neck and chest, and he nodded. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed, somehow managing to sound breathy. 

“I’m going to turn you around and kiss you so hard, you’ll be dizzy,” Louis said lowly, and Harry’s breath hitched. He felt Louis smile against his neck. “That okay with you?”

Harry swallowed heavily and nodded. “Y- _yeah_ ,” he said. 

Louis turned Harry around and did just what he vowed to do. Harry opened his mouth, feeling Louis’ tongue almost immediately caressing his own, and he tried to keep himself quiet. He clung to Louis’ shoulders tightly, fingers prodding new muscle he hadn’t been able to notice much over Thanksgiving, and bowed his body to press himself closer to Louis. 

Louis’ hipbones pressed against Harry’s, and Harry loved the way his narrow hips just barely fit within Louis’ wider ones, his body more straight and angular than Louis’ strong, curvy one. Harry’s hips rolled of their own accord as the slick slide of their lips sent tingly feelings throughout Harry’s entire body, and Louis’ fingers tightened on Harry’s hips. 

“It’s like you’ve been off to war, or something,” Harry confessed, laughing breathily, his lips swollen and pink again. Louis’ were, too, and Harry blushed when he realized he was proud of making Louis look disheveled, like that. 

“I feel the same way,” Louis said honestly, laughing with him. They swayed where they stood, until Harry bit his lip and started walking them back towards his bed. 

“Do you - are you, like…” Harry swallowed, going a bit red. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself that this was _Louis_. “Would you like me to take your clothes off?”

Louis smiled happily, eyebrows raising a bit, and Harry loved that he could surprise Louis and make him proud. He’d been working on building his confidence with Karen, lately, and had been trying to convince himself to be more adventurous and take a bit more charge, with Louis, sometimes. It was working, apparently. 

“Absolutely,” Louis said, and leaned in to kiss Harry. 

It threw off Harry’s plans, being kissed, because he couldn’t see to take off Louis’ clothes as well, but he fumbled for Louis’ zipper while kissing him back, anyway, and was rewarded with Louis’ moan as his hand brushed Louis’ half-hard penis through his pants. Louis threaded his fingers through Harry’s hair, longer than ever, and Harry let out a small, tiny whimper when he had a thought that Louis might tug on it a bit. 

“Okay?” Louis asked, pulling away at the sound. 

Harry bit his lip, but nodded, wanting nothing more than to have Louis’ mouth back on him. Louis raised an eyebrow, though, and Harry knew he would have to explain. Pulling Louis’ shirt over his head, Harry muttered, “I was thinking you might - pull my hair, a little bit? ...Kind of liked the idea. Like, not hard, just - _ohhh_.” 

Louis dug his fingers in at the roots of Harry’s scalp and just tightened them infinitesimally, just a tiny bit, enough to create a tugging sensation, and Harry’s eyes closed as he whined, his eyes going shut as he allowed it without his head moving into it. 

“Yeah?” Louis checked in, not making Harry answer. Harry flushed, knowing Louis didn’t _need_ an answer, because it was clear on his face - and in his pants, if Louis was looking - that he liked it. “Like that, hmm? Should I do it more, maybe?”

Louis wasn’t _trying_ to talk sexy or dirty, Harry knew - he was genuinely asking Harry for his opinion, but the words went straight to Harry’s groin, anyway, and he bit his lip hard enough for it to hurt as he nodded, the gentle tug increasing and decreasing as his head moved where Louis was still holding his hair tight. 

“Yeah, p-please,” Harry said. He heard Louis swear, and then Harry felt his hand tighten in his hair, pulling his head to the side. Louis started sucking lovebites into Harry’s skin, and Harry’s fingers scrambled for purchase on Louis’ back, scratching it up a bit with the small, short bits of fingernails he had. 

“You’re so fucking hot, Harry,” Louis whispered against Harry’s neck, and Harry smiled, though his eyebrows were drawn from the tiny bit of pain he got from Louis’ hand in his hair. He loved it. 

“Take - then take me to bed,” Harry whispered, opening his eyes wide. Louis stopped biting at Harry’s skin and looked at him, right in the eyes, and then he suddenly kissed Harry hard, nodding. 

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Okay.”

He gently pushed Harry to sit on the bed and straddled him, sitting in his lap and rolling his hips twice like he couldn’t even help it. Harry breathed loudly through his mouth as he gripped Louis’ hips, fingers digging and tugging down at his jeans, unbuttoned and unzipped but still on his hips. Louis stood to let Harry help take off his boxers and jeans, and then straddled him again, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and nodding his head when Harry looked up at him, eyes begging for permission to touch Louis’ penis. 

Harry wrapped a hand around Louis’ penis and started stroking it immediately, his other hand pulling at Louis’ hips to make him sit high on his knees, bringing his penis closer to Harry’s mouth. Harry hunched down a bit and, watching Louis, brought his wet lips in a tight circle around the head of Louis’ penis. Louis threw his head back, and Harry flushed as he hummed, his tongue prodding the head, before Harry slid his mouth further down Louis’ penis. 

Louis’ body kept tensing underneath Harry’s arms, and Harry knew Louis was fighting not to roll his hips up, not to push his penis further down Harry’s mouth. Harry hummed watching Louis - sweaty, breathing heavily, and watching Harry in wonder as a hand played in the baby hair at the base of Harry’s neck. Harry had missed this. 

They tried to keep quiet, and they were glad when Anne clearly put on music to clean to, eighties pop and rock floating through the house. 

“Shit,” Louis panted as Harry pushed his head down further, trying not to gag. “Shit.”

Harry hummed and pulled off, stroking Louis’ penis. He looked up at Louis, whose hair was sticking to his forehead, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. His chest was splotchy, and the tiny bit of chest hair between his pecs was sweaty, too. “Is - good?” He asked, licking his lips. 

Louis was nodding before Harry had even said a word, though, and he sat back down on Harry’s lap, stroking his face. “It’s so good, Harry,” he breathed, kissing Harry. “Don’t wanna come yet, though. What do you want?”

Harry’s face burned; he didn’t know; he just wanted _something_. “I - I dunno,” he admitted. “Can - I want you to… Just, like -” Harry cut himself off with a frustrated growl. 

“Want me to decide?” Louis asked gently, lifting Harry’s face with a finger underneath his chin to look him in the eye. 

Harry’s eyes were wide, he knew, and he nodded, relief flooding through him because Louis never stopped being able to read him like a book. “Thank you,” he whispered, and Louis smiled widely. 

“‘Course, silly,” he said with a grin. He stood, then, and took off Harry’s shirt, slowly pushing Harry’s shoulders to lay down. He smiled as he looked over Harry’s body, and Harry blushed. He was getting pretty proud of his body, knew his six pack was finally there, and that Louis hadn’t gotten the chance to see it, yet, but being on display while Louis just _looked_ at him made him feel strangely vulnerable. He found he didn’t mind it much, and as Louis stared, he finally realized that he actually _enjoyed_ feeling this vulnerable and raw with Louis. He was able to feel this way and not freak out about it, like he might have a few months ago. Progress, he thought, was in the small things. 

“Where’s your head at, hmm?” Louis asked softly, with a little smile on his face. “This good?”

“Good, yeah,” Harry said honestly, smiling up at Louis. “Just - I’m, like. Perfectly okay, right now, and it’s - it’s really nice.”

Louis’ smile was blinding, and Harry was immediately glad he’d shared. If he could make Louis smile like that everytime he spoke, Harry would never stop talking. 

“Can I take your pants off?” Louis asked, checking. 

Harry laughed, although he also blushed, and nodded. “You don’t - you don’t have to ask,” he reminded Louis with giggles in his words. “I _did_ tell you I wanted this.”

“Just checking,” Louis insisted mildly as he unbuttoned Harry’s jeans, watching his face fondly. He rolled his eyes, but then said, with a smile curving his lips up on one side, “It all feels very...charged, I guess. Different, somehow. Good,” he reassured with a knowing smile when Harry bit his lip, smiling wider when Harry relaxed. “Just different. Do you feel it, too?”

“Yeah,” Harry replied, and sat up, pleased when he saw Louis watching his stomach muscles contract at the movement. He placed his hands on Louis’ chest and wrapped his legs gently around Louis, smiling at him. “I know two months isn’t, like. It’s not a _super_ long time, but it’s a long time for us, don’t you think? Especially when we both thought we’d get a whole week and a half with each other last month.”

Louis nodded. “I agree,” he said. “I definitely think that’s a big part of it. It’s just like - I have missed you _so much_ that even though you’re right here in front of me, I just keep thinking about how nice it is to not miss you.” 

Harry laughed at that, because he understood it. “Well,” he said, blushing, “how about we - how about we forget what it’s like to miss each other, then?”

Louis grinned, and it turned a little dirty as he looked Harry up and down. “I think I can do that,” he said, and Harry giggled, knowing he was in for it. 

Louis pushed Harry back down, trailing his hands down Harry’s chest and torso, making Harry squirm because it tickled. Louis pulled down Harry’s jeans and leaned down to kiss his stomach, licking the bumps of muscles there. Harry’s breathing got heavier when he looked down and took in the sight of Louis’ face so close to his penis. 

Louis started pulling down the waistband of Harry’s boxers down, glancing up to Harry to make sure he was okay with it, and smirked when Harry just went slack-jawed. His penis stood at attention, fully erect, when Louis finished pulling Harry’s bottoms off, and Louis wasted no time in putting his mouth on it. 

Harry groaned when his penis was enveloped in the tight, wet heat of Louis’ mouth, and his hips jerked up into Louis’ mouth hard enough to make Louis gag. “Sorry!” He said, mortified, but Louis just pulled off, coughed, and laughed. He shook his head, waving Harry’s apology off, and he went back down. 

Louis waited until Harry was close to pull off his penis, and though part of Harry wanted to cry at the loss, Louis pushed his knees up, folding him in half. Awkwardly exposed, Harry could only watch as Louis ducked his head down, and he convulsed when he felt Louis’ soft tongue lick over his hole. 

Harry immediately wrapped his own hand around his penis while Louis licked him down there, gasping and shaking because it felt _so weird_ and _so good_. It wasn’t long before Harry felt himself burning, gloriously on fire, and his toes curled and flexed, his thighs shaking under Louis’ arms as he bit down on his arm to keep himself from crying out. He came, feeling the ecstasy flowing through his blood, and Louis didn’t stop until Harry was squirming away from him, oversensitive. 

Harry sighed loudly, then looked up when he heard a grunt to see Louis stroking his own penis. Harry scrambled to turn around, on his hands and knees, and laid down on his tummy facing Louis, his face level with Louis’ groin. Louis’ hand slowed down when Harry reached out to touch it, looking up at Louis. Louis nodded, and Harry opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, began stroking Louis’ penis as fast as he could, the head of Louis’ penis repeatedly hitting Harry’s tongue. 

Louis groaned, throwing his head back, but he quickly looked down at Harry again, like he didn’t want to miss the sight, and it made Harry flush with pleasure, being under the lustful gaze of Louis again. 

“I’m coming,” Louis warned him, and Harry pursed his lips around the head of Louis’ penis, sucking hard and licking the slit quickly. 

“ _Shit_!”

Harry hummed as Louis’ come spurted onto his tongue, and he remembered in porn that people always keep their mouths open to let the guy see, so Harry opened his mouth so Louis could watch himself come onto Harry’s tongue. Some of it hit his upper lip as Harry continued stroking Louis’ penis, but he kept his eyes and mouth open wide. Louis’ hand stroked through Harry’s hair softly, and Harry hummed, still moving his hand, his tongue out, until Louis’ body went a bit limp, like someone had cut the strings off an accordion. 

Harry grinned and swallowed, blushing because it was awkward to be acting like a porn star, but he knew it was working, because Louis couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Harry wiped the come from his lip with his thumb, and sucked it off before swallowing that, too. They stared at one another in silence for a moment before Harry started doubting himself. He swallowed and looked away from Louis, hesitating to say anything before -

“ _God_ , that was hot,” Louis said, leaning down to kiss Harry sweetly. 

Harry sagged in relief before he sat up, moving so Louis could sit down, too. “Yeah?” He asked, a smile growing on his face.

“Are you kidding?” Louis asked, still a tad breathless. “That was… Where did you even _learn_ all that?!”

“Oh, you know, all the football boys I’ve been ‘slutting it up with’,” Harry joked, and Louis cackled. “No, I just - you know, you’ve been gone, so, I...I watch, like. Videos, and stuff. Porn. And I talk to Niall, Niall’s always giving me information and tips I didn’t ask for.”

Louis laughed again, bumping Harry’s shoulder. “I bet you ask for tips, sometimes, don’t you,” he said knowingly, and laughed at Harry’s blush and weak protests. 

Their laughter faded naturally, and Harry laid down, sideways on his bed. Louis laid down, too, and wrapped his arms around Harry, letting Harry squirm around to get comfortable in the embrace. “So,” Harry said, coughing and glad he couldn’t see Louis’ face. “That wasn’t, like. I wasn’t too - you know - greedy, or anything?” Part of Harry’s brain was rolling its eyes at the question; Louis had clearly liked it - but the other part needed the confirmation before he could rest easy. 

Louis understood that, of course, and he squeezed Harry tighter, running fingertips over Harry’s chest. “It was really amazing, Harry,” he said quietly, sincerely. “I am actually _really_ honored.” 

And, well. Harry hadn’t been expecting ‘honored’. He turned a bit, eyebrows raised, to look at Louis. “Honored?” He asked, but Louis only nodded. 

“Yeah, honored,” he responded, totally serious. “As long as I’ve known you, it’s taken a lot for you to get comfortable about what you want, about asking for things or just doing them without asking _because_ you want them, and trusting me to tell you if I like or dislike something. That’s really hard for you. Don’t think that just because I don’t have that difficulty, I don’t appreciate what you have to go through in order to tell me what you’d like, or ask to try something new, or even to try something we’ve done a million times. I don’t understand completely, of course, but I know that it takes a lot of courage, that you have to work yourself up to doing it, and I’m really honored that you feel safe enough and confident in our relationship enough that you know you can trust me to let you explore this side of you and our relationship. It - it really means a lot, Harry, every time.”

Harry’s stomach was swooping awkwardly throughout Louis’ rant, and he wasn’t sure he could take it. Louis was so passionate during his talk, propping himself up on his elbow to lean over Harry and talk with his hands, his face growing more expressive by the word. 

“Every time?” Harry asked. 

“ _Every_ time,” Louis confirmed. “Sex, and sexy stuff with you is never just sex. It’s so much more than that, every time, because it’s you, explicitly and specifically demonstrating to me that you, one, want me and desire me enough to want to have sex with me; two, that you trust me enough to let yourself go a little bit; and three, you place your emotions, your ego, your defenses - even your literal conception of _safety_ in my hands. That’s what happens every time we do stuff like that, sweet thing. It’s not just a quick blowjob; it’s something so much more intimate every time, and it - every time, when I drift off or when we’re just laying together afterwards, not talking and getting our breath back, that’s what I’m thinking about - about how huge it is that you love me so much. It really just...it’s everything to me.”

Harry had never been more sure that he was ready to go all the way with Louis. This boy had slept with several people, messed around with loads, and had stopped all of that, cold turkey, for Harry. He had willingly gone back to the basics, slowly making progress only to go three steps back when everything happened in Harry’s old house last school year, and they’d barely been able to rebuild much before Louis had gone off to UNF. And now, he was finally telling Harry that sex wasn’t just about sex? Harry was pretty sure Louis was trying to kill him. 

Harry shifted, leaning toward Louis. He refused to let the tears burning at his eyes fall, so he swallowed. “I - There will never be a time when I forget how lucky I am to have someone like you. I promise, okay? I seriously can’t believe you’re real, sometimes,” he laughed, and Louis smiled, touched. “But, seriously - I couldn’t have dreamt up a guy like you, no way. You’re so…” Harry placed a hand on Louis’ chest, rubbing his skin. “You’re so _patient_ , and you’re so understanding; I don’t know how you’re so understanding, but you are. You work so hard to make me happy, and anytime I get upset, you immediately take on that burden and shoulder it with the ones you already have of your own. I’m, like...I’m really lucky to have someone as amazing as you, and I will never forget that. I....I wish there were words stronger than, like, ‘I love you’ to say to you, but that’s...that’s all I’ve got.” His laugh was a small, deprecating thing, and Louis shook his head with a smile, reaching out to push an errant curl from Harry’s face. 

“At the risk of sounding really cheesy, it’s more than enough.”

Harry just smiled and scooted closer to Louis, relaxing before remembering that his door didn’t have a lock, they were both naked after getting sexy, and his mum was home, and would be going to bed any moment and _might_ come say goodnight. “Clothes,” he said suddenly, and sat up, grabbing his clothes. Harry and Louis made a race of getting dressed, laughing the whole time (except for Louis’ undignified squawk when Harry, losing, pushed Louis over until he fell down, giving Harry a few extra seconds to shimmy his jeans back up his legs). 

They fell back onto the bed, giggling together, and Louis patted the space beside him, urging Harry to come take up room right next to him. Harry did, gladly, and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, like he didn’t want to let them be apart, now that they were back together. It made Harry feel warm, and he let Louis move him around until they were both comfortable willingly. 

“How do you think your exams went?” Harry asked, grabbing his phone from his night stand. He held it up, and Louis posed for a few pictures before he answered. 

“I think they all went well, actually,” Louis said brightly. “I mean, I’m only allowed one B on my scholarship, so I studied _really_ hard, and felt really prepared for all of them. My composition class was probably my hardest, to be honest, but I think I did a decent job of it. Your finals are, what? Next week?”

“Yeah,” Harry affirmed, dreading his chemistry test. “And we’re doing, like conversion stuff. Like, moles with elements, and all that? I’m good at the actual math; I just don’t really understand the concept behind it, and it makes me less interested in actually _doing_ it, you know? That’s the biggest problem, I think. I’m pretty confident in my grades; I’ve been working really hard lately, too.”

“Good!” Louis said brightly. “I think I’m gonna spend a few days down at Kilgore campus, probably next week while you do your tests, so I’m out of the way; Zayn only has one test next Thursday, and Stan has three, but he’s already taken two of them and he’s staying ‘til the end of the testing period because he doesn’t want to go home and tell his parents what his grades are.” 

Harry laughed, and Louis did to, but Louis also had an ‘uh-oh’ kind of look on his face, sympathetic and funny. “Sounds good,” Harry said, even though he hated the thought of Louis being so close, yet not with him. He still needed to study, after all, and he knew he wouldn’t if Louis were there. 

“I’m really glad you’re home, by the way,” he said. 

“Me, too, babe,” Louis chirped, squeezing Harry tight quickly and laughing when Harry grunted as his insides were squished. 

Louis yawned, then, and Harry looked fondly at his boyfriend. He was so tired. 

“Sorry,” Louis apologized as he cleared his throat. “Driving always kind of takes it out of me.”

“I don’t know how to you it,” Harry confessed. “It’s such a disgustingly long drive; I wouldn’t be you for anything right now.”

Louis chuckled, running fingers up and down Harry’s arm, where his hand rested. “Being me isn’t so bad,” he said. “At least, not right now.” 

Harry blushed, but he looked up into Louis’ eyes and saw the cheesy expression on his face and burst out laughing, cheeks puffing out and covering his face. Louis laughed along with him. “That was ridiculous,” Harry laughed, face warming. 

“Last time I give _you_ a romantic compliment,” Louis sniffed, mock offended.

Harry sobered instantly, keeping back his laughter. “Oh, Louis, I’m so sorry,” he said in a high pitched voice. “Your compliments are the wind beneath my wings, the sun in my sky, and all that jazz.”

“That’s better,” Louis said imperiously, nodding and pretending to be pompous. 

Harry gently whacked Louis’ chest with a limp hand, rolling his eyes, and snuggled in closer. They spent the rest of the night in one another’s pleasant, low-key company, making one another laugh and making each other lighter than they’d been in two months. 

When Harry woke the next day, Louis whined overdramatically; now that Harry also got up at five in the morning, the one hour time difference meant Louis was waking up at what was normally four in the morning for him. 

“It’s _winter break_ ,” he whined. “I don’t wake up until noon on break!”

Harry snorted, knowing there was no way he could ever sleep until noon, now, and kissed Louis’ forehead. “Wanna come lift with me?” He asked. “Scot only comes on Thursdays.”

Louis nodded, so they got dressed quietly, not wanting to disturb Anne, who was still sleeping. Normally, Harry’s mum would be up and getting dressed at five, too, but with Gran coming, she had taken the day off and was getting an extra hour or two of sleep before waking up to greet her. 

They had a quick breakfast and, once Harry’s school and gym bags were packed, loaded up into Harry’s car, Wanda, and headed to the school gym, listening to the news on the radio. 

“Ugh, how do you listen to this crap?” Louis asked, turning down the conservative Republican speaker. “You’re a Democrat!”

“Yes, but it’s good to know what the other side is saying, Louis,” Harry rebutted, talking pretentiously and smiling when Louis just scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Next year is an election year, and I’ll actually be old enough to vote,” he defended himself. “It’s important to know, you know, what the candidates are saying, and stuff!”

Louis gave in, putting his hands up like he was surrendering, but he looked proud, and it made Harry grin. He loved making Louis proud. 

He also loved making Louis pout, which is exactly what happened when they got out of the car and Harry told him they had to start with a two mile run around the school a few times. 

“I thought we were just lifting!” Louis exclaimed, but started stretching either way. 

“Not _just_ lifting, Louis,” Harry said, aghast at the thought of not including cardio into his workout. “You don’t just go right into lifting weights, that’s how you get hurt!”

“Alright, alright, calm down,” Louis laughed as he tightened his shoelaces. “Two miles, though?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded, scrunching nose up. “I wanna kind of take it easy because we have a new practice schedule today, after what happened yesterday. It’s probably gonna be, like, really grueling, because Coach was _really_ angry. Ready?”

Louis nodded, and Harry started off at a jog, not wanting to push himself too much but wanting to get his heart rate up. They ran quietly, the still of the 5:15 a.m. town keeping them peaceful company while they pushed their bodies together. They didn’t race, and Harry was glad, because his morning runs weren’t about that. They were about loving the feeling of leaving things behind him. Harry loved running in the mornings, like this, and found (to his surprise) that he actually really enjoyed running _with_ someone. 

Around the mile and a half mark, Louis saw the grin on Harry’s face and cried out incredulously. He wasn’t panting hard, but Harry could tell Louis didn’t run as much as Harry did. “Are you _enjoying_ this, you mad man?!”

“I love running,” Harry defended himself with a wide smile and a laugh. “Therapeutic, and all that.”

“Is it?” Louis’ tone was dubious, and Harry rolled his eyes as he turned around the back side of the campus. 

“Yeah,” he said easily, slowing his gait because he could tell Louis wasn’t enjoying it. “I try to run at least every other day. It’s like - I get to start with all the things that weigh me down and stress me out, or nightmares, that kind of thing. Whatever, you know? Like, I start with that, and then I just. I just leave it all behind. We’re done; walk.” Harry was panting a bit strenuously, now, and Louis had his arms stretched above his head, stretching out his lungs so that he could breathe a little easier. 

Louis panted, walking back towards the weight room they’d passed a while back, and nodded. “Kind of sounds like casting demons, almost,” he mused breathily.

“Kind of, yeah,” Harry agreed. “Except not damaging to, like, you know...the environment. Plus, this might be a little more helpful to me, as an athlete. Like, I already have to run, anyway, right? Might as well use it for my self-care, or whatever.”

Harry felt a little embarrassed to be talking about self-care so freely. He knew it was important - for everyone, not just him - and he knew Louis liked hearing that Harry was taking care of himself, but he hadn’t even realized, really, that he thought of running as self-care until just now. As usual, Louis had Harry figuring new things out about himself just by being someone Harry could talk to, bounce ideas off of, like a sounding board.

When they got to the weight room, Harry unlocked it, giving Louis a playfully smug grin that _he_ was the one with the key, this time around, and they went in. Harry let Louis choose the music, because Louis was more picky about what he listened to, and they got busy. Harry stayed away from the elliptical, knowing this practice in less than forty-five minutes was probably going to hurt, and went onto the Stairmaster, vowing to take it easy. They lifted after about twenty minutes of cardio machine work, and Harry wasn’t expecting it to be even relatively sexy, because it usually wasn’t when he lifted with any of his teammates, but. 

Louis lifting weights was… It was something else. Otherworldly, really. 

Louis sweated and grunted when his bench press was heavy to push up, able to lift almost double what Harry could because Louis’ workouts were getting him in shape, yes, but they were also having a side effect of him bulking up, getting stronger. Harry was a fan. 

Sweat trickled down Louis’ neck, and when Louis raised his shirt from the bottom hem to wipe sweat off his face, Harry could’ve cried. He’d seen Louis’ abs last night, yes, but right now was different. In this context, they were being used, his muscles primed and being worked. Louis’ skin was flushed all over, both from the run and from the lifting, and Harry, whose body wasn’t _bad_ , felt like his bones were made of jelly. He was weak. 

“If you keep looking at me like that,” Louis began, but then grunted as he pushed up another bench press, “we aren’t going to get much else done.” It was a very clear warning, and one that, ordinarily, would have embarrassed Harry and had him looking away, but Harry couldn’t help it. He _did_ blush wildly, but he also licked his lips, feeling desire driving his actions when he scoffed like he didn’t care, turned slightly so Louis would be able to see the back muscles he was pretty proud of, and slowly took off his shirt, exposing his sweaty back. Harry felt Louis’ gaze on his frame as he started stretching his arms out, stepping up to squat and slightly exaggerating his movements more than absolutely necessary. 

When it was Louis’ turn to lift, he looked over his shoulder at Harry as he lined his hands up on the bar. “It’s heavier than I usually do,” Louis said, widening his eyes just a tiny bit. It made him look like some sort of damsel, and though he knew Louis’ legs could definitely handle a hundred and eighty pounds, Harry found himself getting closer to Louis, stepping up behind him to spot him if he needed it. Louis lifted the bar off the rack, took a step back, closer to Harry, and squatted down, down...down… Louis’ legs were far past parallel to the ground, and the resulting position left Louis’ bum pushed out an ungodly amount, and Harry was helpless not to stare at it. When Louis blew out a breath, like he was struggling, he stood up, keeping his bum pushed out so that it grazed Harry’s leg on his way back up. 

Harry hated him.

They continued their work out, taking turns trying to one-up each other: Harry did pull-ups shirtless; Louis did box jumps which made him jump high onto a platform, squat low, then jump back down, and squat low. Harry pushed himself up onto the ab rack and did leg swings, bringing his legs into a right angle from his body and showing off his abs; Louis did lunges, his shorts clinging to his bum with every dip. 

Finally, Harry was doing push-ups, fifty of them, and while he was in plank position, Louis shimmied underneath him, on his back, so that he was directly underneath Harry. It shocked Harry, and made him blush and even stutter in his breath. He held his plank position longer than he meant to, but finally, with Louis giggling like it was the funniest prank he’d ever done, Harry dipped down to do a push-up. Louis kissed his lips just before Harry pushed himself up, which left Harry laughing breathlessly and forgetting how many he’d done. 

“Seventeen,” Louis supplied helpfully, and Harry nodded, trying not to let Louis distract him even though he’d worked himself up (with Louis’ help, of course) into being half-hard for half an hour. As Harry continued on his push-ups, he tried to ignore things like the press of his penis against Louis’ groin, or the way that Louis’ kisses kept seeming to last half-seconds longer than the previous ones. Louis was, however, impossible to ignore. 

When Harry lowered his body to go up on his fiftieth push-up, Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, keeping Harry down, his body ready. Louis kissed Harry, letting fingers scratch at Harry’s scalp, where he held Harry’s head tenderly, not minding the sweatiness, and not acknowledging Harry’s trembling body. Louis pushed his lips against Harry’s, opening his mouth to invite Harry to slide his tongue against his own, and Harry was more than willing, as usual, to comply. 

The slide of their tongues on each other was intoxicating - it always was - and Harry struggled to keep his groan quiet. Louis must have sensed it, though, because he hummed happily into Harry’s mouth and rolled his body, his hips just barely grazing Harry’s, and this time, it was impossible to miss noticing that Louis, too, was starting to get aroused. 

Then, out of nowhere, Louis let go of Harry and stopped kissing him, pretty much ending all contact between their bodies, and he said evenly, like they hadn’t even been kissing, “Forty-nine.”

Harry felt dumbfounded, like he’d just had something heavy dropped on his head. “I - oh, er - okay,” he said, confused, and Louis just laughed as Harry did his last push-up. 

When he was finished, Louis patted his cheek playfully and shimmied out from under Harry, making Harry drop to his knees and sit back up just to watch him to figure out what had actually just happened. Louis strode off, not even looking over his shoulder until he reached the doorway of the weight room, where it moved into the locker room. He paused in the doorway, looking at Harry over his shoulder, and smirked before walking into the locker room without another look back. 

Harry’s mouth went dry. Was Louis suggesting…?

Scrambling to find out, Harry hurried over to the locker room, eager to see what Louis was doing to him. When he entered the room, Louis was waiting in front of the Captain’s locker - his old locker, and Harry’s current one. Except - he wasn’t just _waiting_ there; he was...He was rubbing himself through his shorts. Harry’s knees went weak as he saw his boyfriend, putting himself on display just for Harry, like this, and Harry wondered what in the world was happening to him. Since Louis had gotten home, Harry’d felt completely out of control - in a good way - especially where his hormones were involved. He’d been sexually ravenous for this man; he couldn’t get enough. 

“What are you waiting for; an invitation?” Louis said just loudly enough for Harry to hear him in the quiet, echoey room. 

Harry swallowed and walked over to Louis. Louis immediately threw his arms around Harry’s neck, welcoming the way Harry crowded into his space and kissed him. Louis groaned into Harry’s mouth and panted in his ear when Harry moved his lips to his neck. 

“Love seeing you like this,” Louis whispered hotly, and Harry just moaned and bit into Louis’ neck. Harry slid his hands down to grip Louis’ hips, squeezing them tight. “Love the way you’re looking at me; makes me feel so fucking hot,” Louis continued, and Harry knew if he didn’t occupy Louis’ mouth, he wouldn’t stop talking, and Harry would probably come from hearing the slight whine in Louis’ voice as Harry worked over his skin with his mouth. 

“It’s so fucking hot to see you come and take what you want - _fuck_ , Harry,” Louis said, letting his head hit the locker when Harry grinded his hips into Louis’. 

Clearly, Louis couldn’t take it, though, and Harry’s breath came out in a _whoosh_ when Louis turned them and pushed Harry into the lockers, biting into Harry’s neck with a ferocity that had Harry crying out. Harry’s eyes squeezed shut and his arms wrapped tightly around Louis’ shoulders, holding on to them like he’d fall if he didn’t. Louis’ hands, however, couldn’t pick a spot to occupy; his hands roamed all over Harry’s chest, shoulders, his hand, and back down to his hips before one hand went even lower and scooped up one of Harry’s thighs. Harry whined, eyes still shut tight because Louis was _everywhere_ and he loved it, loved the way Louis hitched his leg up over his hip and crowded even closer, their penises brushing one another, and Harry - snapped. 

He put his leg down off Louis’ hip, back on the ground, and spun them back around, shoving Louis against the locker and grabbing his wrists and pinning them over Louis’ head. Harry didn’t kiss Louis, though - just stared at his face as he caught his own breath. Louis’ eyes were dark, his lips bright red and his cheeks flushed. His nostrils flared as he tried to get his breathing back to normal, and he looked so hot that Harry nearly dropped to his knees right there. 

Luckily, he didn’t, because just as he was going in to kiss Louis’ lips, someone behind Harry said, “Oh, _shit_!”

Harry whirled around, eyes wide as he saw several of his teammates stopped dead in their tracks, having walked in to see Harry and Louis in a clearly compromising position. 

Before Harry could get too embarrassed, though, Louis gently touched Harry’s back and pulled Harry closer, like he wanted Harry to cover him. Harry was confused for a brief moment, but his instincts kicked in moments later and, amidst the wolf-whistles of his teammates and the innuendoes being shouted, Harry put on a brave face and forced himself to laugh and focused on covering Louis, maintaining his modesty. “Alright, alright,” he called out, waving his arms at his teammates like he was shooing their focus away from him. 

The boys eventually gave in, all heading to get dressed, and the chatter was still obviously about them as other players trickled in late and were being filled in and talking about it, but Harry turned back around to Louis, concerned that Louis was upset. 

Louis was perfectly fine, though, and gave Harry a smile, which confused him. He’d seemed upset just seconds before…

“I figured if I gave you a job to do, you wouldn’t have time to get anxious about being caught,” Louis admitted, eyes searching Harry’s face to make sure he’d made the right choice. 

It took Harry a second to realize what Louis was saying. He’d only pretended to be upset so that Harry would focus on taking care of him, rather than freaking out about being walked in on. Harry’s heart melted at Louis’ quick thinking, at the way Louis took care of him so fully, and he leaned in and gave Louis a quick smooch on the lips, and he only laughed when a few guys saw and called out things like ‘Get a room!’ and ‘Here they go again!’

Louis winked at Harry before he pushed off the locker, leaving Harry to change into his shinnies and cleats while he went to go socialize with players he recognized and speak to those he didn’t. 

Harry tried not to dwell in the fact that the boys had seen him - what had they actually seen? Were they watching, or had they just walked in and seen them standing there? Harry shook his head: he was trying _not_ to dwell on it. As he sat down on the bench and put his shin guards on, Harry sneaked peeks around the locker room; nobody looked upset, and only a few guys looked even remotely uncomfortable, but Harry reminded himself that it wasn’t necessarily seeing Harry that could’ve made them look that way. Coach’s practice guaranteed to be a killer. 

“Hey, Tommo’s here!”

Harry grinned as he heard Louis’ answering call to Scot’s excitement and looked up to see Scot and Louis embracing, clapping each other’s backs. They talked loudly and excitedly for a few moments, but then Louis pulled him aside and spoke to him quietly, looking over at Harry a time or two. Scot also jerked his head toward Mitch, Harry noticed, and Harry assumed, as he tied his cleats, that Louis was talking to him about what had happened yesterday. Louis said something else to Scot and, looking strangely serious, hugged Scot once more, clapped him on the shoulder, and then walked over to Mitch. 

Harry dawdled a few minutes to let Louis speak to Mitch before he called the team’s attention and led them out onto the field, letting the new juniors bring the equipment. 

Coach was already standing in the middle of the field, Harry noticed, and he whined mentally as he led the team in a quick jog around the field twice before he led them to round up near Coach, as was custom. Coach looked pissed. 

When they all had gathered around Coach and were panting quietly in the cold air, Coach surveyed them all for an uncomfortably long time before he spoke. 

“Good morning,” he said, nodding at the answering murmurs from a few players brave enough to speak. Coach cleared his throat, looking at his clipboard, and frowned before he looked at them all. “I have a few announcements. Fist, Rav is no longer on the team.” He didn’t add that Rav was kicked off, rather than the idea that he quit, and that set the team talking, but it quelled down before it irritated Coach. “Second, everyone who participated in yesterday’s embarrassing fight, raise your hands, please.”

Nearly half the team ashamedly raised their hands, and Coach nodded, sighing disappointedly. “The eight of you are suspended for three days, starting today. It’s not my choice,” he added loudly when the guys started protesting, and eventually he held his hands up and blew the whistle loud enough to make Harry wince. 

Harry couldn’t believe this. Half the team was going to be suspended because they stood up for him?!

“I did _not_ choose this,” Coach said emphatically, and as he surveyed his players’ upset faces, his own features smoothed out into something resembling pity for a moment. “I did not choose it. These are the rules. You fight, for whatever reason, you get suspended. You’re lucky; with the number of you all who started fighting all at once, it could’ve _easily_ been filed as gang violence, and that could’ve been grounds for expulsion.” That sobered everyone up quickly, and they looked at one another uneasily as Coach let that sink in. “Now,” he continued eventually. “Because you disgraced the school by ganging up on another student _and teammate_ \- and, please, don’t even start talking about how his attitude didn’t reflect that of a good teammate, Scot, because I know,” Coach added impatiently when Scot’s mouth opened. “I know. However, the fact remains that you all attacked another student and teammate, and that was a horrendous decision on your parts. Now. Those of you who jeopardized our team by getting yourselves suspended for half of the last week of the semester, you will have to specifically schedule time _with me_ or Harry to complete these assignments under our supervision.” 

This was news to Harry, and he didn’t bother hiding it. His brows furrowed as he grabbed a piece of paper that Coach was handing out to everyone, and he balked at the assignment for the kids who fought: They had to run twenty miles, to one hundred suicide drills, and had several detailed workout routines to complete so many times that it made Harry dizzy to think about it. 

“Before you all freak out, let me explain this. Pay attention,” Coach called out, and everyone stopped muttering in shock and listened. “You do _not_ have to do this all in one go. You can take as long as you’d like, as long as either Harry or myself are supervising you. If we’re not there, it doesn’t count. Got that?” Everyone nodded, and Coach continued. “Like I said, you can take as long to do this as you want. However, you _will not get a second of playing time_ , you _will not wear a jersey_ , you _will not represent my team_ until you have completed this. Is this understood?”

“Yes, Coach,” everyone recited on autopilot. 

It wasn’t as bad as it had seemed at first, but it still seemed insane. 

“I’m not finished,” Coach said, holding up a hand. “You will still be expected to be at every practice while working on completing this assignment. If you’re not at practice, you’re off the team. These assignments are to be made on your own time, but they’re at _our_ -” Coach gestured between Harry and himself “convenience. So if we can’t meet, too bad. Wait until we’re available.

“For those of you who didn’t fight, but didn’t help break up the fight - which is everyone else except Harry and Jordan, congratulations, boys - raise your hands.” When the other hands were raised, Coach sighed but spoke. “You are not suspended; stop freaking out.” A collective sigh of relief came out of the boys, causing a few people to chuckle despite the stressful environment. “You do, however, qualify in my book as cowards, because you did nothing to keep your teammates in check or stand up for someone who, despite running his mouth and being incredibly antagonistic, was hugely outnumbered and, as a result, was beat up by a group of bullies. That is despicable, and I’m ashamed of you all. So, you have assignments, too!” Nobody dared to groan, though Harry knew it was happening in everyone’s head. He grabbed that paper, too, and looked at it, eyebrows raising. 

It was the exact same assignment. 

The boys started murmuring to one another, and soon enough the volume was loud enough that Coach had to raise his hands to shut everyone up. “What?” He asked, his face impassive. 

After a long pause in which the boys who’d only watched looked at one another, like they were hoping someone else would say something, Jeff spoke up. “Coach, this is the same assignment as you gave the boys who fought.”

“Oh!” Coach said, nodding. “Right. That was on purpose.” At the blank or upset faces he saw, Coach explained further. “‘If you are silent in the face of oppression, you have chosen the side of the oppressor’. It’s not the exact quote, but who can tell me who said that?”

After a moment, Jordan spoke up. “Martin Luther King Junior, Coach.”

“MLK,” Coach affirmed, nodding his head. “Anyone see where I’m going with this? If you see someone being mistreated, and you do nothing to stop it, you are _just as bad_ , if not worse, than the person or people doing the mistreating. It is _sickening_ ,” Coach continued, his voice shaking with rage as he looked around at his team, “that I am having to have this conversation with young men who are graduating this year and next year. You are supposed to be _men_ , and yet you’re so filled with this ridiculous notion that manhood is earned by banging your fists like cavemen or gorillas. Tell me, are any of you Tarzan? _I didn’t think so_!” He suddenly yelled. “So you all will complete this assignment, you all will understand this lesson I’m trying to get through your thick skulls, and once you’ve completed it, you can be a teammate again, and maybe you can manage to earn my trust and respect again before you graduate.”

Harry was, once again, overwhelmingly glad he didn’t fight. 

“Now, there’s one thing I didn’t put on the paper, and it is absolutely mandatory. I have cancelled one game or scrimmage every month for our schedule this year,” he announced boldly, and Harry’s eyes widened. How would they make it to state if they cancelled four games?!

“Instead of playing football, _every single one of you _, without exceptions, will be taking our football bus to Darkness 2 Light, where you will be fulfilling community service hours, volunteering.”__

__Some of the boys actually groaned at this, but Harry was too busy sitting in shock. Darkness 2 Light? D2L? That was -_ _

__“Why are we volunteering on top of losing playing time _and_ this assignment?” Greg asked, sounding exhausted and like he was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown._ _

__“You all started fighting with Rav once he made some incredibly offensive comments about a teammate,” Coach said. Harry’s ears burned, and he looked at his cleats. He _hated_ when Coach did this. “What were they about, hmm? Why did they bother you?”_ _

__“They were about - about…abuse,” Greg said, looking at Harry. Though Harry felt Greg’s gaze, he refused to look up and meet it. “About Harry’s dad.”_ _

__“And you all got angry because making comments like that is inappropriate, right?” At the nods, Coach continued. “Darkness 2 Light is an organization that supports and provides shelter to children and the families of children who have been abused by a parent. Since you all clearly feel passionate about this enough to act like blithering idiots, you’re going to get an opportunity to see it firsthand, and you’ll be able to help and understand what abuse can do.”_ _

__Harry bit his lip. D2L was the organization his mum now headed; it dealt with kids who have been molested and their families, trying to get them to safety._ _

__“Jordan and Harry, you’re off free. Now, you all get out of my sight. Don’t forget to schedule your meetings for your assignments!”_ _

__Harry stayed, completely gobsmacked, as the rest of the team left, all muttering about their punishments and some moaning about having to call their mothers. Louis, who had been watching in the stands, hopped down on the field and jogged over while Coach spoke to a few players, undoubtedly scheduling times where they could come in and work on their assignments._ _

__“What’s going on?” Louis asked, and Harry turned to look at him._ _

__He handed Louis the paper, and Louis’ eyebrows rose to his hairline as he read it over. “Damn,” he said, whistling lowly. “Reminds me of my freshman year when Jon and his buddies got caught with vodka in their Sonic cups at the basketball game. Coach found out and they all had punishments like this, but they got In-School Suspension for it for three months, as well. It was awful.”_ _

__Harry’s eyes were wide; he couldn’t believe a punishment like that. Then again, he also couldn’t imagine bringing alcohol to a school event, either, so maybe that was why. He thought about his teammates’ punishments and how, just for standing up for Harry, they were having to run and drill themselves into the ground._ _

__“What’s wrong, Harry?” Louis asked when Harry bit his lip. Louis pressed a hand onto Harry’s shoulder, and he rubbed his shoulder blade softly._ _

__“I just feel bad, you know?” Harry mumbled, leaning on Louis. “Like, they all have to do all this stuff just because someone was - was rude to me. Like, they had my back.”_ _

__“Well, _yeah_ , but your team can have your back without pulverizing a kid,” Louis reasoned. “Look, they chose to stand up for you, but they could’ve done that without fighting. Coach just really hates when people use violence when they could’ve used words. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s actually a really big pacifist, and he wants his players, all teenage boys, to realize that they don’t have to use their fists just because society normalizes that, or whatever.”_ _

__Harry nodded, eyes out of focus as he took in what Louis was saying. “His brother got bullied a lot, he told me once,” Harry said softly. “That’s probably why he hates it so much.”_ _

__“Probably,” Louis agreed. He looked at his watch and then hummed. “Let’s kick a football around a bit,” he suggested. “We have the time before you need to shower.”_ _

__Harry agreed and let himself be distracted by Louis and football. He laughed when Louis slipped a bit on the wet grass, and jogged to catch up to him._ _

__\---_ _

__By the time Harry got home from work, he was exhausted, and though he knew both Louis _and_ his gran would be in the house, Harry had to sit in his car an extra few minutes once he pulled into his driveway, parking next to Robin’s car and behind Louis’. It had been a long day, with the rumor mill around school going crazy. Liam and Niall had, of course, demanded to be filled in, which took up Harry’s lunch break, and football practice had been grueling, Coach having decided he was still disappointed in the team and making them scrimmage each other the entire hour and a half before making them run a mile and letting them go. _ _

__Work had been pleasant enough, but Harry felt like he’d just been around too many people all day long, at school; he hadn’t had so many eyes on him since word got around last year about his dad being shot and killed, and Louis’ stepdad committing suicide with Harry to witness all of it._ _

__At least, this time, it wasn’t traumatic for Harry._ _

__Harry finally decompressed in the quiet warmth of his car for a few minutes and stepped out, grabbing his backpack and gym bag as he headed toward his door, letting his hand brush against the leaves of the great oak tree near his front door._ _

__“I’m home,” he called out, but didn’t need to; everyone was already in the living room, looking his direction when they heard the door open. “Hey, Gran!” Harry grinned, setting his stuff down in the entrance way and jogging over to his grandmother._ _

__“My favorite grandson,” she announced happily, and Harry snorted._ _

__“Your _only_ grandson,” he corrected, and she waved him off like it wasn’t an important detail. _ _

__“My _favorite_ only grandson,” she compromised, making Louis and Harry laugh quietly. _ _

__“Hi,” Harry sang to Louis, sitting down next to his boyfriend._ _

__“Hey, there,” Louis said quietly, happily. He kissed Harry’s cheek, making Harry blush, and asked, “How was practice?”_ _

__Harry groaned, but smiled a bit to let him know it hadn’t been too killer. “He’s still, like, mad at us, right? But, you know. He’s coming around.”_ _

__“What’s this?” Gran asked, making Harry bite his lip._ _

__“Some of the boys on the football team got into a fight after one of the players started giving Harry a hard time,” Louis said, and Harry cringed. He hadn’t really wanted to tell his mum, Gran, or Robin that he was having a rough time, especially not if it had to do with Des._ _

__“What did he say?” Anne asked, brows already furrowing indignantly._ _

__“It was, like, all kinds of stuff,” Harry said, rolling his eyes and flicking his wrist, trying to downplay the whole thing and hoping Louis would let him. “Mostly about being gay, and Louis; it was all really stupid, but he, like, took it too far, and. Some of the guys got really mad and, like, jumped him, basically, right on the field.”_ _

__“Good,” Gran said boldly, making Louis laugh loud, surprised. “I mean it,” she exclaimed. “Nobody should go after someone about something like _that_ ,” she muttered, sounding baffled as to why anyone would worry about sexual orientation. _ _

__“Well,” Harry acquiesced, and Gran just nodded. “So, some of the guys fought, some of the guys watched, and me and Jordan were the only two trying to break the fight up, and like. Coach’s brother got bullied when he was in school, and so he really hates seeing fighting, like that. He’s really angry, and came up with all these assignments that people have to, like, complete with either me or Coach supervising just to get back on the team.”_ _

__Robin whistled. “Wow,” he breathed. “Did the boys give you a hard time?” He wondered, a slightly protective edge to his voice that made Harry feel flustered. Robin wasn’t his - he wasn’t Robin’s kid; Robin didn’t have to protect him._ _

__“Not really,” Harry said, shrugging. “A few people during classes, after, like, the rumor mill had gone and it all changed. It went from, like, a few of the players hitting him, just a few times, to, you know, all of us held him down and, like, took turns kicking him in the ribcage and telling him to die. A few people kept talking about it, really loudly when I came near, like they were, like, hoping I’d correct them, or fill them in.”_ _

__“So, the usual,” Louis laughed when Robin winced sympathetically. His thumb gently caressed Harry’s thigh, where they sat, touching in the close proximity of the couch._ _

__“Pretty much,” Harry said, leaning into the touch a bit._ _

__“I can’t believe there are still some people who get upset about people being gay,” Gran said, and Harry grimaced as he nodded._ _

__“Me neither,” Robin said quietly, scratching his chin. “I mean, today, I woke up a straight man in a monogamous relationship with a straight woman. Whether or not I’m around gay people, I’ll still be a straight man in a monogamous relationship with a straight woman. Being around gay people doesn’t change what I am attracted to.”_ _

__“Thank goodness for _that_ ,” Harry’s mum muttered, sending Harry into a fit of laughter. Robin laughed, too, and wrapped an arm around her._ _

__Gran watched the interaction, guarded but seemingly happy to see her daughter smile again, and Harry saw Louis notice the expression on her face and smile. It was silent, and barely lasted a second, but it made Harry really happy to see his boyfriend happy because Harry’s family was happy._ _

__The family and Robin all sat around, chatting and relaxing until Harry’s mum got up to make dinner, apologizing for not realizing it was so late. She looked so flustered that Harry spoke up._ _

__“Oh, actually, I - I was wondering if me and Lou could just go, like. Pick up some Chinese, or something?” He offered, and Louis, right on cue, said, “Oooh, Chinese,” further selling the idea._ _

__“Oh,” Anne said, looking a little relieved. “Mum, what do you -”_ _

__“I think Chinese sounds _amazing_ ,” Gran interrupted. “You’ve worked hard all day; let the two lovebirds go pick up dinner.”_ _

__Harry blushed, but Louis just grinned, standing and pulling Harry to his feet. “Thanks for the backup, Victoria,” he said quietly as he passed, and Gran waved him off with a fond grin._ _

__“Be back in a little,” Harry responded, holding his breath as he passed Robin on his way to the door._ _

__“Careful,” Anne said as she handed Harry her card. “Roads are getting icy at night, now.”_ _

__“We’ll take Baby,” Louis said, grabbing his keys from the keyring by the door and patting his pocket for his wallet. “She’s got good traction.”_ _

__Both Harry and Louis kissed Anne’s cheek and sent her back to the couch next to Robin, and they headed out the door._ _

__Louis opened the passenger door for Harry, making him flush a bit, pleased at the attention, and Louis laughed softly on his way to the driver’s seat. Harry buckled up and let Louis drive, singing along to the radio and laughing when Louis sang loud and _terribly_ just for a giggle from Harry. Eventually, though, Louis turned the radio down and looked over at Harry seriously, glancing at the road every few seconds._ _

__“Alright,” he said, “let’s talk about it.”_ _

__“About what?” Harry asked, brows furrowed and heart beating harder._ _

__“About whatever it is that’s bothering you,” Louis replied, tone like it was obvious and Harry was stupid for not realizing what Louis meant._ _

__“Oh,” Harry said, laughing a soft, one-breath laugh. “It’s nothing, honestly, no - really,” he insisted when Louis raised his brows and pursed his lips sassily. “Really, there’s not really any _one thing _wrong. I just. Sometimes I kind of get like this? And it’s easy to be all silly and grinny when we Skype or talk, right, because I’m happy to hear from you and I know you’ll just worry yourself sick over it if I’m unhappy but won’t tell you why, but - like… I can’t tell you why? Because I, like. I don’t know? Why? I don’t know. Like, I’m not _devastated_ , or anything, I’m not about to cry; it’s not - it isn’t that serious. I just sometimes...feel… _blegh_. Like, just _here_ , indifferent and neutral but _just shy_ of neutral, like not really sad but not… _not_ sad. I dunno,” he huffed, frustrated as he watched Louis turn into Ming’s. “I really am okay, I promise,” he said. “Being around you makes me really happy; I’ve just had a really long day.”___ _

____Louis made an unhappy sound and put a hand on Harry’s thigh, thumb rubbing his inner thigh as he put the car in park and turned to Harry with a sad-puppy face. “I don’t want you to be sad,” he said._ _ _ _

____Harry smiled softly, and picked up Louis’ hand, kissing his knuckles. “I’m not,” he vowed. “Promise. I’m not sad. Just...peopled out, I think.”_ _ _ _

____Louis nodded, smiling when Harry kissed his fingers again. “Want me to head back to my place when I drop you off with the food?” He offered, making Harry frown._ _ _ _

____“No,” Harry said, biting his lip. “I’ll - I can put myself into a better mood -”_ _ _ _

____“Harry, it’s not a punishment,” Louis interrupted, making Harry go silent. “I’m not leaving because you’re in a bad _mood_. You said you’re peopled out, babe, you probably just need a night to recharge, do your thing alone; there’s nothing wrong with that. We all get like that sometimes.”_ _ _ _

____“I - I didn’t mean _you_ Harry said, feeling a little small, not liking that he’d hurt Louis’ feelings or made him feel unwanted. _ _ _ _

____“Honey, I’m not offended or upset,” Louis assured him, leaning over to cup his cheek. “Sometimes, you need alone time. That’s totally fine, and normal.”_ _ _ _

____Harry just shook his head, frustrated. Louis wasn’t _listening_ to him. “I _don’t_ want you to _go_!” He said, growling and immediately feeling embarrassed. He wasn’t a dog. “Sorry,” he added sullenly._ _ _ _

____Louis said it was okay, but it was clear he didn’t understand what Harry was feeling, or what he wanted._ _ _ _

____“I want you to - to get food with me, and come home with me, and sleep in my bed, you know, if you want, and I want you to _want_ to be there.”_ _ _ _

____“Baby, I _do_ ,” Louis argued, turning his body in the seat to face Harry and shaking his head because he didn’t get it. “I do want to be there with you, but I don’t know what you _want_!”_ _ _ _

____“I just told you,” Harry said, pushing his hair from his face. “I want you to spend the night with me, but I want you to do it because _you_ want to, not because I’m in a sh- a bad mood.”_ _ _ _

____Louis took a deep breath, looking at the roof of his car for a moment. Harry waited. Finally, Louis took Harry’s hands in his own, and in a gentle voice, said, “Sweetheart, I want to go home with you, and eat dinner, and lay in your bed and snuggle this funk out of you. I want to wake up with you in the morning and kiss you, and when you’re ready, we can go hang out with your family, or something. Okay? That’s what _I_ want.”_ _ _ _

____Harry abruptly felt embarrassed. He’d thrown a fit like a child and it wasn’t Louis’ fault that he didn’t understand what was going on in Harry’s stupid depressed head. Harry really needed to be more forgiving; Louis was doing his best. “Sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing his thumbs across the backs of Louis’ hands. “I’m - it’s not your fault that you don’t get it. I know you try really hard to be patient with me when I get all crazy, and stuff.”_ _ _ _

____“You’re not crazy,” Louis chided softly. “You’re depressed. You think differently sometimes, and you have bad days and bad moods and you get emotionally drained easier than some people. I’m sorry I can’t understand how that feels and how it affects you. But you’re right,” he supplied, smiling a bit. “I _do_ try really hard. Because I _want_ to. I want you to feel like there’s someone in the world who gives a shit about you enough to try his very best to always understand you and love you regardless of how you feel. And I think I do a pretty damn good job - but I’m not always going to understand, and I’m not always going to know what you want, so you’re gonna have to _tell me_ , okay? Don’t just leave me in the dark and get upset when I don’t get it. I don’t know your world - the world with trauma, and abuse, and depression and stuff. I don’t know that, I don’t know what it’s like. I need a map.”_ _ _ _

____Harry swallowed heavily; Louis was such an amazing person, and Harry could sit in the car all night and just admire him and what he was like. “You’re really nice,” Harry whispered, his cheeks heating when he realized that _that_ was his response to Louis’ monologue. It was like Baby’s “I carried a watermelon” in _Dirty Dancing_. How embarrassing. _ _ _ _

____Harry head Louis chuckle, though, and smiled when Louis’ laughter grew. It was contagious, making Harry laugh, and they both laughed harder and harder, not even sure why, or what had been funny. Harry’s laughter was loud and cackling and embarrassing, but Louis’ laugh was loud and bright, bubbling up and spilling from his lips until he couldn’t breathe. His laugh became silent and he fish-mouthed helplessly, breathing deep and then laughing again uncontrollably. He looked so silly, making Harry laugh even harder and lean closer until their heads were nearly touching, and Harry let loose a godawful howl to rid himself of the excess… _whatever_ was hanging around inside of him. _ _ _ _

____They both took deep breaths around the same time as each other, letting out a _whew_ that drew on long and loud, trying not to start laughing again. Harry’s mum, Gran, and Robin were still waiting on their food. _ _ _ _

____They sat in quiet for a brief moment before Harry sighed happily and turned to get out of the car._ _ _ _

____“Hey.”_ _ _ _

____Harry stopped when Louis’ hand landed on his arm and turned around, looking at Louis questioningly. “Yeah?”_ _ _ _

____Louis licked his lips and looked Harry up and down - and it wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t...but Harry still felt a thrill of desire course through him quickly. “I love you.”_ _ _ _

____Harry swallowed, trying to stamp down the desire that, now, didn’t want to die down. “I love you, too,” he breathed, trying to smile. He was sure he was blushing, was sure Louis could _see_ his want plain on his face. _ _ _ _

____Louis didn’t say anything, though, and just grinned back before he got out of the car and waited on Harry at the door to catch up. Harry watched Louis walk. His strong, confident gait and the way he smiled at a family on their way out as he grabbed the door for them, nodding when they thanked him, and waved at the little girl who was staring at him all made Harry’s breath catch. Harry got out of the car, moving slowly as he wondered what was wrong with him. Since Louis had gotten back last night, Harry was insatiable; everything Louis did made him...everything Louis did was attractive, sexy. Made Harry want him._ _ _ _

____“Ready, love?” Louis asked, and Harry nodded, swallowing. He forced himself to smile, rather than act like a horny freak, and grabbed Louis’ hand as they went inside to order._ _ _ _

____The wait was much shorter than usual, and Harry was relieved, because Louis didn’t stop touching him for a second, and it was driving Harry _crazy_. Louis wasn’t even being inappropriate; he was just _touching_ him. His hands rested on Harry’s hips, at one point, and all Harry could think about was how it felt when Louis would grip his hips and wrap his lips around his penis...or this morning, when Louis had uncharacteristically held his hips and pushed him against the Captain’s locker and tried to kill him, kissing the life out of him and rolling their hips together, making Harry want to drop to his knees - _ _ _ _

____Harry had to shake himself out of his train of thought several times in the few minutes’ wait, right there in Ming’s. It was humiliating. But part of Harry was thrilled, excited by the fact that he was getting aroused where someone else could see it. He knew he would be mortified if anyone other than Louis ever saw him aroused and realized it, but he also couldn’t help feeling that it was even hotter, somehow, being aroused in front of other people who didn’t realize it._ _ _ _

____By the time they got back into the car, Harry had managed to think himself into a frenzy, and when Louis leaned over to give him a sweet kiss, Harry opened his mouth and whined, softly, to himself. He felt Louis freeze, and was instantly embarrassed. He kept kissing Louis, hoping Louis would just go with it instead of saying anything about it, but luck wasn’t on his side._ _ _ _

____Louis pulled back, eyebrows raised, and looked at Harry. “Okay?” He asked, and Harry bit his lip, eyes wide, and nodded. He squirmed in his seat the longer Louis looked at him. “Are you...what’s got you in this mood?” Louis asked, voice soft and careful._ _ _ _

____Harry leaned in to kiss him, trying to ignore the conversation when it wasn’t important and he _wanted things_ , but Louis grabbed his hands, kissed them so Harry wouldn’t feel bad, and waited. _ _ _ _

____“You’re just - you drive me crazy,” Harry breathed out, licking his lips. Louis’ eyes tracked his tongue going across his lips, and Harry felt like he’d just won a prize, though he didn’t let himself smile. Louis had on his concerned face, like he thought Harry was probably losing his mind, maybe, and Harry knew they’d have to talk. “Really, it’s literally just - hormones,” Harry babbled, trying to reassure Louis that he was seriously perfectly fine. “Ever since you came back last night, I’ve - you - ugh!” Harry sighed, took a deep breath, and tried again. “Everything you do is just so...I love it. It’s like I - I can’t, you know. I - everything you do makes me feel...I’m always aroused,” he said, blushing. He forced himself to talk about it. He knew it was important. “You - everything you do makes me want - makes me...makes me want to. To get on my knees.”_ _ _ _

____Louis’ eyes widened when Harry finally forced the words out of his mouth with a full-body blush, but his head didn’t move and he didn’t otherwise react. He swallowed, then, and said, “Oh.”_ _ _ _

____Harry let out a shaky breath, nodding, and said, “I want to - can I...can I do it right now? Please?”_ _ _ _

____Louis’ eyes widened even more, and this time, he jerked his head back, away from the conversation, and looked around in shock. “What, _right now_?!” He asked, voice cracking. _ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, biting his lip, and, hands shaking, he said, “Y-Yeah. I’ve - I get. It really, like - turns me on when you - when you, you know, say nice things, and, like, are kind, and stuff. It just - I really like it.” Hesitating, he looked at his hands in his lap. “Is that - is that weird?”_ _ _ _

____“No,” Louis said immediately, grabbing Harry’s chin and making him look up so they could lock eyes. Harry’s breath hitched when he saw how dark Louis’ eyes were, pupils big in the semi-darkness of his car. The sun had set, and it was starting to turn into proper night time._ _ _ _

____“Then, can I?” Harry asked again, hoping Louis would say yes this time. He couldn’t make himself ask again. He just couldn’t. “It’s - we’ll have to wait, when we get home, and Mum would - they would all _know_ that I’m -” Harry looked down at his jeans, where he could see his erection. He knew Louis could see it, too. “And they’ll...they would _know_ \- and it’s not like we could just drop off the food and go straight to my room!”_ _ _ _

____Louis bit his lip, hesitating and looking around, and Harry had a sinking feeling Louis was about to say no, and make them just wait until they were done with dinner. “Not here,” Louis finally said. “Buckle up.”_ _ _ _

____Harry scrambled to buckle up, and Louis drove them down a few streets to the high school football locker room, where a lone car wouldn’t stand out too much because there was usually someone in there. The lights in the parking lot weren’t on, yet - didn’t come on until 8:30, Harry knew, and the lot was blessedly empty._ _ _ _

____Louis pulled in, put the car in park, and killed the engine. He turned to Harry, then, who felt like he was going to hyperventilate if he didn’t get his mouth on Louis within the next four seconds, and laughed a little nervously._ _ _ _

____“We don’t - if you don’t want to -”_ _ _ _

____Louis interrupted Harry before he could start feeling bad. “Dear god, trust me, I do,” he said, laughing wryly, and gestured at his pants. Harry’s mouth watered. Louis was hard. “We’ve just never done this,” he explained._ _ _ _

____“Do you mind?” Harry asked, fiercely hoping Louis didn’t mind at all._ _ _ _

____“Not at all,” Louis answered, and Harry thanked whatever god was listening._ _ _ _

____They stared at each other for a few gut-wrenchingly awkward seconds, Louis not wanting to push Harry, and Harry not wanting to seem like too much of a slut, but finally, Harry snapped. “Please pull your pants down,” he begged suddenly, biting his lip._ _ _ _

____Louis laughed shortly, surprised, but scrambled to comply, and Harry hummed when he saw Louis’ penis, fully erect and flushed. Harry leaned over and wrapped a hand around it, holding it firmly, and stared with wide eyes at Louis’ face when he sighed in relief._ _ _ _

____Harry kissed him, then, and Louis kissed back, a hand cupping Harry’s cheek and sliding into his hair at the back of his neck. Harry moaned as he felt Louis’ tongue trace his upper lip, and then broke the kiss, too eager to have his mouth _full_. _ _ _ _

____Harry gave Louis a loaded, ‘hey, I’m about to put my mouth on you’ look, and when Louis nodded and slouched more, giving Harry more room to work with, Harry bent down, over the console between their seats, and wrapped his lips around Louis’ penis._ _ _ _

____They moaned at the same time, Louis from the wet heat on his penis, and Harry from the feel of Louis’ hard penis taking up space in his mouth, skin soft and wet and tasting a little salty. Harry wasted no time, pushing himself down most of the way and letting himself up before he gagged. He wanted it to be really good, though, so he took a deep, steadying breath, and slid down, sucking ever so gently as he moved his tongue side to side on the underside of Louis’ penis. He couldn’t see Louis’ face, not bent over the seats like he was, but he heard a soft thud and knew Louis had thrown his head back. It spurred Harry on, and he took Louis’ penis deeper into his mouth until he was just about to gag, and then spread his lips a bit, letting saliva drip down the shaft of Louis’ penis to get it more wet. His hand, resting lightly at the base of Louis’ penis, started getting wet, and Harry pulled off, trying not to cough too much. He swallowed, his throat already feeling a little rough, and licked his lips as his hand stroked Louis’ penis. The car was quiet, just their breathing and the slick sounds of movement from Harry’s hand._ _ _ _

____Harry looked at Louis, whose eyes were focused on him intensely even as he bit his lips and his eyelashes fluttered, breath heaving in his chest. His lips were wet, his cheeks flushed, even in the dark, and his eyes looked almost completely black, his pupils so dilated in arousal and limited light. He was beautiful._ _ _ _

____Harry licked his lips, making them slick and wet, and went back down, sucking his lips into a tight ‘o’ so Louis would feel good and want Harry’s mouth all the time, the way Harry wanted his mouth on Louis all the time._ _ _ _

____It wasn’t long until Harry felt a hand on the back of his neck, just resting. It gave Harry a momentary spark of panic, a sort of ‘he could easily push me down and hold me’ errant thought, but it didn’t actually scare him. It made him more aroused. Mystified, Harry kept sucking, and moaned when Louis’ fingers started pulling gently at his scalp, like Louis wasn’t sure if Harry would still like it._ _ _ _

____He did._ _ _ _

____Harry’s penis was so hard, it hurt, by now, but he did his best to ignore it and focus on Louis. He sucked hard, suddenly, pulling up, and reveled in the moans Louis was making. He spent time sucking on and licking the head of Louis’ penis, gently pulling back foreskin to lick where he was most sensitive._ _ _ _

____“Fuck,” Louis breathed, and bit his lip. His hand tightened in Harry’s curls, making Harry whine with Louis’ penis in his mouth._ _ _ _

____He dropped his head down suddenly, lips tucking over his teeth and not even sucking so he didn’t hurt Louis, and kept going down, further and further until he started feeling uncomfortably tight. Louis’ penis was too long to fit it all in his mouth, but Harry tried his best and kept pushing himself, trying not to gag. He heard Louis’ repetition of ‘Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit’ and wanted to hear it more, so he kept his head still and fought off the gag he knew would happen. When it did, when Harry finally gagged over Louis’ penis as it hit the back of his throat, Louis’ hand suddenly yanked Harry’s head up as he shouted, and Harry moaned aloud as his mouth went from full to empty._ _ _ _

____Louis came on his stomach, it got on his shirt a little, and he cursed. Harry’s eyes were screwed shut in pain, with how Louis was holding his hair, and his neck was at an awkward angle because Louis didn’t let go the entire time he came._ _ _ _

____When Louis realized how he was holding Harry, though, he dropped his hand, and Harry fell a few inches before he caught himself. “Shit, baby, I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Louis’ voice was full of worry, and Harry’s face was cupped in Louis’ hands before he could even put two and two together and realize that Louis thought Harry was hurt._ _ _ _

____Harry, quick to want Louis feeling reassured, placed his hands over Louis’ hands and murmured - slurred, really - “‘M good, I’m okay, it was - it was so _nice, Lou, so nice.”__ _ _ _

_____Louis clearly didn’t fully believe him, and Harry blushed as he looked down at his pants. His penis was still rock hard._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry looked up at Louis and saw his expression shift from worry, to relief, to wonder, and then finally settle on arousal. Harry knew he’d been victorious when Louis licked his lips and looked at Harry. “Want me to suck you off?” He asked._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry just smiled, though, and shook his head. Louis frowned. “Is everything okay?” Louis asked, worried again. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, no, everything is fine,” Harry assured him. He kept eye contact with Louis, but blushed, as he unbuttoned his jeans and reached underneath them, palming himself. Harry closed his eyes, then, and sighed happily as his penis got much-needed relief, the pressure of his hand doing wonders. “I want - I want to do it myself,” he said quietly, “and then, I want you to - do you think you could maybe...finger me? Tonight, I mean, not right now.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ breathing kicked up a notch, and he nodded quickly. “Do you want me to...watch?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry blushed, but he knew Louis would never tell Harry he wanted this. He’d never want to put Harry on the spot like that. So, he nodded, and tried to remember, as he pulled down his pants and boxers, that Louis thought he was hot, and incredibly sexy, and amazing, and that he would be watching wide-eyed and would love it._ _ _ _ _

_____Almost as if Louis knew Harry’s train of thought, he began murmuring random things as Harry started to stroke himself. “You look so hot, baby,” he said quietly, breathing hard. “Lick your hand,” he directed softly when Harry whined, bucking up into his fist but frustrated because he couldn’t get out of his head enough._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ voice made it much easier for Harry to get into it, and Harry kept his eyes closed and tried hard to ignore every thought that told him this was embarrassing or awkward at bay. It worked, kind of, and it wasn’t long before Harry was panting, already on edge. He thought of how hot it had been, pushing himself for Louis’ benefit, for his own benefit. He thought about the people at Ming’s, having no idea that Harry had been so aroused and that, only minutes after they’d gotten their food, Harry had been leaning over a console to give Louis a blowjob. He listened to Louis’ voice, talking quietly about how sexy it was to watch Harry get himself off, how badly Louis wanted to put his mouth on Harry’s skin, how excited Louis was to finger him._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry finally came with a cry, catching his come in a cupped hand and quickly grabbing a few napkins from the Ming’s bag to clean himself up with. Even as he breathed heavily and wiped his penis off, Harry noticed Louis frowning at his come-stained shirt and laughed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Do you have a shirt you can change into?” He asked, but Louis just frowned and shook his head._ _ _ _ _

_____“Half my stuff is in your room; the other half is in mine,” he said mournfully, and Harry couldn’t help but laugh at the morose look on his face._ _ _ _ _

_____“Here,” he said, and took off his hoodie, glad it had finally started getting cold enough to excuse them. “Just put this over your shirt; everyone will just think I was a kind and caring boyfriend who gave you his jacket when you got cold.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“My hero,” he said, clasping his hands and batting his eyelashes dramatically._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry snorted. “That was…” He trailed off, not really knowing what to say._ _ _ _ _

_____“Amazing? Hot as hell? Pure torture?” Louis supplied as he buckled up and turned the car back on._ _ _ _ _

_____“Torture?!” Harry echoed._ _ _ _ _

_____“ _You_ sit here and watch your super-hot boyfriend touch himself and think about fingering him later, without getting the chance to touch him,” he said, mock outraged, and Harry laughed. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Very sorry,” he vowed, and Louis nodded imperiously._ _ _ _ _

_____“Well,” he said, “if you’re _very_ sorry…”_ _ _ _ _

_____“The _most_ sorry.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I’ll forgive you, then. This time.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry rolled his eyes and laughed as they drove home, Louis speeding to make up for the time they’d lost when they were...distracted._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry woke up with a gasp, sweat beading on his bare chest and shoulders as a faceless scream echoed in his head._ _ _ _ _

_____“Alright, babe?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry turned his head, panting just a tad bit, and saw Louis peering at him blearily with one eye, the other eye still smushed into the pillows. He sounded half asleep - probably was, Harry thought as he saw it wasn’t even six in the morning on a Saturday._ _ _ _ _

_____“I’m good,” Harry answered back quietly. “Weird dream.”_ _ _ _ _

_____It had been. He couldn’t remember what it was, but he knew it had certainly been a strange one. The feeling lingered, haunting in a strange, echoey kind of way, like he was freaked out, but didn’t know what from. “Go back to sleep, Lou.”_ _ _ _ _

_____When Louis had turned his head back over and started dozing again, Harry pulled out his phone and messed around on a few of his apps, one of them a calming zen-type one Karen had recommended. He messed around on it until Louis started moving again, waking up slowly as usual, clearly reluctant to be awake. Harry glanced at the clock. It was half past six. Apparently, football schedules become deeply ingrained._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis glanced at his watch and groaned. “I can’t even sleep ‘til _six_?!” He whined._ _ _ _ _

_____“Six thirty, sweetheart,” Harry called out quietly, but Louis only shook his head._ _ _ _ _

_____He gestured at his watch, rubbed his face, and then said, without looking at Harry, “Time zone differences. Five thirty in Florida.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry scrunched his face up sympathetically, though Louis’ eyes weren’t open to see it, and murmured an apology._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s all good,” Louis said, and that sat up, yawning and stretching. Harry watched Louis’ muscles move underneath his skin appreciatively. He looked good._ _ _ _ _

_____“Harry? Earth to Harry?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“What?” Harry jolted out of his thoughts, both mentally and physically, and Louis laughed as Harry nearly lost balance with the way he was leaning on his arm._ _ _ _ _

_____“I asked - what were you thinking about?” Louis’ voice held amusement, and Harry tried not to blush._ _ _ _ _

_____“I really like your body,” he murmured quietly. “Not even, like - I was just looking at your body, right? And, like, you already know I’m - I really like it, I think, but like. I just like _looking_ at you, too. Not just for, like, sexy stuff. For all the stuff.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Thank you,” Louis said, pleased, and he snuggled back down into Harry’s space happily, wiggling to get comfortable and then wiggling more because he was happy to be wrapped up in Harry. “For the record, though, I do the same. I’m always staring at you, even when you don’t realize.”_ _ _ _ _

_____The words made Harry feel warm all over, but he just laughed and nudged Louis with his knee. “Creeper,” he accused, and Louis snorted._ _ _ _ _

_____“The very creepiest,” he said. Then, he groaned. “Come on,” he urged, rolling over like he was going to squish Harry, only to roll back. He’d only wanted to shoulder Harry’s chest. “Let’s get up, go work out, or something. My body’s too used to it, now.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Mmm-kay,” Harry agreed, yawning as he wiped the gross crusties from his eyes. He didn’t move, though, and neither did Louis. “Hey,” he said softly after a moment. When Louis hummed in response, Harry hesitated. That’s all it took for Louis to slowly turn over and pay more attention to Harry, and for that, Harry was glad. “Sorry about last night,” he said, and bit his lip._ _ _ _ _

_____“What, because we didn’t end up having sex?” Louis asked, eyebrows furrowed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Well, ye- I mean, I said we could, later, after dinner, and I was really into it, but then...you know. I got home, I ate a lot, I was around Gran and Mum, and those - like, those aren’t very… Like, they kind of turned me off? And it’s not that you aren’t sexy enough to turn me on,” he added, suddenly worried get the idea that conditions had to be _just right_ for him to be aroused, or whatever. “It’s just - I was really tired, and I -”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Good lord, Harry, did I seem upset to you last night?” Louis asked, a little defensive sounding._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry bit his lip. “Well - no,” he began, but Louis didn’t let him finish._ _ _ _ _

_____“You don’t have to apologize for not being in the mood, Harry,” he said, and Harry knew Louis wasn’t trying to scold, but it kind of felt like it, anyway. “It’s not a big deal. If you say yes, and then change your mind, it’s okay. I mean, I was a little bummed, because I wanted to finger you last night, but if you aren’t into it, you’re not into it. Nothing wrong with that. If someone has a problem with that, they’re an asshole.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I know I’m allowed to change my mind,” Harry argued softly. He wasn’t - he knew that. “I just. Like, I’m not apologizing in an ‘oh, please forgive me, I’m horrible’ way; it was just like a ‘hey, sorry you didn’t, like, get to - to come last night again even though I said you would’ kind of way. I wasn’t - I wasn’t trying to start anything, or, like, make you feel bad.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis wasn’t _mad_ , was the thing. Harry knew Louis, and Louis wasn’t angry. He was feeling a little bad, though, Harry could tell, because his eyebrows had drawn up in the middle, making his eyebrows look kind of like a mountain with the spaces between his brows as the point in the top. Harry may not have angered Louis, but he’d certainly made him feel like Harry didn’t trust him to be nice about stuff, and that wasn’t what Harry wanted. _ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s okay, really,” Harry said quietly, tugging at Louis’ hands with both of his own, gently urging Louis to smile at him. “I mean it,” he added, laughing a little. “You didn’t ever give me the impression that you were upset, I swear. I just wanted to, like. I dunno, I guess I just wanted to let you know that you didn’t do anything, or, like, to be like, ‘hey, you’re still sexy; I was just tired’. I wasn’t apologizing to beg for forgiveness, Lou. I’m okay; you didn’t - I’m not feeling bad. This isn’t a _thing_ , or whatever.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis watched him closely, but Harry saw the moment Louis accepted it. He nodded, then, and rolled closer to hug Harry tight, sighing into his hair. Harry smiled peacefully and hugged him back, humming just to make Louis breathe out a laugh through his nose._ _ _ _ _

_____“Let’s actually get up, now, okay?” He said quietly, and Harry nodded. He kissed Louis’ chest, where he could reach, and backed away just far enough to look into Louis’ eyes._ _ _ _ _

_____“I love you for being so good to me,” he whispered._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ tired face morphed into one of the most beautiful smiles Harry had ever seen. It was soft, but brilliant and bright, fond and so sincere that Harry thought he might tear up. He didn’t, but his nose and eyes definitely prickled a bit. Louis just stared at Harry, smiling like a weirdo, and didn’t say anything for a while. He then leaned forward to kiss Harry’s cheek slowly, and backed away. With one last look to Harry, he turned over and got out of bed, grabbing some clothes, and got dressed._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry was left a bit breathless after such a loaded moment, but Louis was already dressed and left to go brush his teeth, so Harry hurried to do the same._ _ _ _ _

_____They headed out into the kitchen, and were surprised to see Gran already up, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. She was reading a book, but she smiled and put it down when Harry and Louis walked into the kitchen. She looked surprised to see them. “A college and high school student are both up on a Saturday morning before seven?” She asked, and Harry smiled tiredly at her._ _ _ _ _

_____“We’ve actually been up a while,” he said, “just couldn’t convince ourselves to actually get out of bed. We both work out in the morning, for football. Guess it’s routine, by now.” He shrugged while Louis stared balefully at the coffee maker while it worked its magic. Harry smiled and kissed his shoulder, grabbing his own protein mix and milk._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s amazing to me that schools make their students work out before schools,” Gran said absently, stirring her tea._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, no, they don’t,” Harry objected. “Lou gets up with a few of his teammates who are on scholarship - they have to work hard to keep their spots, so they choose to work out before classes. It’s not mandatory. Same for me; I’m actually the only one in there all days except Thursdays, when I lift weights and a teammate of mine comes in to spot me.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You boys sure are dedicated,” she observed proudly, and Louis nodded._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s all because of Harry, honestly,” he murmured, and then turned to face Gran while Harry busied himself with his shake, blushing. “When I met him, he was desperate to be first string, so I offered to train outside of practice with him, if he was serious about it. He was, of course, and I got into the habit of working out way more than I did before. I was _so_ sore for weeks when I first met him; it was torture.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry squawked at this, whirling around with a scandalized smile on his face. “You made it seem like you _all_ worked out extra!” He exclaimed, mindful of his volume so he didn’t wake his mum up. Gran snorted. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Well, I wasn’t going to tell you I was a lazy slacker who only played football _at football_ when you ran circles around me,” Louis defended, laughing. “That’s not exactly impressive!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed, shocked that Louis had pretended. “But, wait, you were in much better shape than me,” he protested._ _ _ _ _

_____“I really wasn’t,” Louis admitted, laughing. “I’m just better at hiding it than you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Can you believe this?” Harry asked his gran, who just chuckled and nodded. “Unbelievable.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You’re hard to impress, Harry,” Gran said, siding with Louis. Ignoring Harry’s protests, she continued, “But it turned out alright, didn’t it?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry stopped protesting at that, and smiled. “Sure did,” he agreed, scrunching his nose up because he felt a little bashful, sharing his feelings about Louis with his grandmother._ _ _ _ _

_____She sure had a point, though._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____After a long workout which ended with a furious make-out session in the showers, Harry and Louis went back to Harry’s to get dressed, had an early lunch with Gran and Anne, and then went over to Louis’ to see the girls._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’d seen the girls just a few days ago, stopping by Wednesday nights to cook chicken enchiladas for the girls since it was Jay’s latest work night and the girls had been getting sick of pizza so Lottie didn’t have to cook. Harry loved going over to the Tomlinson house and hanging out with the girls, especially now that things had changed so much._ _ _ _ _

_____The girls had been signed up for after school programs (Lottie was taking a hip hop dance class; Felicite was in a food/cooking club; Daisy was in a tumbling gymnastics class; and Phoebe was involved in a children’s theatre program, putting on plays once every other month) at the massive Youth center in the next town over, and Jay paid one of the nursing students to pick the girls up and drive them over there, letting the youth center bus bring them back home. It had taken a lot of stress off of Lottie (she’d finally blown up in the beginning of November when Harry had happened to be over; it was a very awkward dinner).The twins were a lot more relaxed, Daisy having gotten all of her energy out while Phoebe had reached her introverted tolerance for socialization at the overwhelmingly loud theatre practice. Felicite was eager to help Harry out in the kitchen, to tell him what she’d been taught or to ask more questions, and Lottie had so much fun being a kid again that she was ready to shoulder a bit of responsibility without getting stressed. Harry came over every Wednesday, but also tried to come over at least one other time every week to help out with dinner and homework and give the girls someone else to expect to stick around._ _ _ _ _

_____Because he was over so much now, though, he was no longer a commodity, and when they got to the house, the girls barely even looked up to greet him when he called out a hello. Louis laughed at Harry’s disgruntled expression, as he’d immediately been tackled by the twins and Felicite, Lottie smiling and waiting her turn._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s only because you’ve been gone,” Harry playfully retorted, rolling his eyes for dramatic effect._ _ _ _ _

_____“You wish, cutie.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry settled in on the couch, noticing Lottie was working on her history homework. He glanced over it, as was habit, by now, and noticed a few errors. When Lottie saw him looking, she smirked and handed him the paper._ _ _ _ _

_____Grinning sheepishly, Harry grabbed a pencil. “So, you want to double-check this date,” he began, circling ‘1777’, “and you might want to check your chapter for more information about the differences between Whigs and Tories; the rest of all _this_ ,” he said, gesturing with a pencil to a small paragraph she’d written, “will make a lot more sense. ‘Kay?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Sure,” Lottie said, grimacing at Harry. “I didn’t really read very well before I started writing this, if I’m honest,” she admitted._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed, shaking his head. “Do you have an exam in history this semester?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Yeah,” she said, nodding, “on Monday.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Make sure you study, okay?” Harry suggested. “History builds on what you covered last year; you really need to understand what you’re learning now so you can understand what you’ll learn next. It’s all connected.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Lottie grimaced again, but nodded and swore to study. “Let me know if you need help studying; I can come over,” Harry added, and let her get back to work while Louis played with the twins._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry sat back and watched Louis goof around, occasionally glancing at Lottie’s work over her shoulder to make sure she understood it, when he eventually realized he couldn’t find Felicite._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry got up and wandered into the kitchen, looking for her, and found her at the table with her head in her hands, kicking the leg of the chair._ _ _ _ _

_____“Hey, what’s up?” Harry asked, brows furrowed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Ms. Hinton is stupid and that’s why she’s not married, is what’s up,” she said darkly, and Harry had to bite his lips to keep from laughing._ _ _ _ _

_____“...Ah,” he managed. “Is this your math teacher?” He asked, and she nodded._ _ _ _ _

_____“Pre-AP, and the stupid fractions don’t make _sense_. Why do we even need fractions? They’re stupid.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Well, sometimes a whole number would be too much or too little,” Harry reasoned. “Like…” he searched around and an idea struck him. “Come here,” he said, “and grab your homework. Let’s take a look at this.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry led her into the kitchen and took her paper from her, glad it was a simple adding fractions worksheet. He could do that. “Hop up here,” he said, patting the counter, “and let’s do some math.” Harry went to the pantry and grabbed some muffin mix, determined to make Fizzy at least understand fractions, if not like them._ _ _ _ _

_____“Look at number three,” he asked her as he opened up the muffin mix box and grabbed some milk. “Read it out to me.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“One fourth plus three eighths,” she droned sourly, and Harry nodded, grabbing a mixing cup and the pencil._ _ _ _ _

_____“Okay, that’s a great one to start with,” he said. “So, let’s think about this. Fractions are important because they can be used for measuring - lengths, volume, all kinds of stuff. Chefs use them, like, all the time, because - look at what you need for muffins.” He grabbed the box and let Fizzy look at it. “You need one and a half cups of milk for one box. _But_ , for a family this big, we need two boxes. So if we need one and a half cups of milk for one box, how much would we need for two?” _ _ _ _ _

_____Fizzy looked at him blankly. “Two and a half?” She guessed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Close,” Harry allowed, “but you’re forgetting about the other half. Let’s look at it.” He wrote down ‘1 ½’ and ‘1 ½’ next to each other. “Let’s add the whole numbers together,” he said. “Show me the whole numbers.” When Fizzy pointed to the ones, he smiled. “Great,” he praised, and let her pour one cup of milk into a bowl, and then another. “Okay, so we’ve got those out of the way. Let’s focus on the fractions. What is one-second?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Half,” she said._ _ _ _ _

_____“Right! So, pour me a half a cup in there. Alright, so how much of one whole cup is in the measuring cup right now?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I - there isn’t a whole cup in there.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Exactly!” Harry said emphatically, giving her a grin. “How much is in there?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Half a cup.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“And how much more do we have left in the up before there’s one whole?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“...Another half a cup.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Awesome. Doing great. So, how much do we have left unpoured?” Harry pointed to the paper again._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, another half.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Pour it in,” Harry said, and watched as she poured half a cup into the measuring cup. “Great, so how many cups of milk are in the measuring cup?” He asked._ _ _ _ _

_____“Just one.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“So, if we already have two cups in the mixing bowl, and we add this one more cup, how many cups of milk did we need?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Three cups.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“So what do you get when you add one and a half to one and a half?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“...Three?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Yes! So, for two boxes which each need one and a half cups, how many cups of milk do we need.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Her face lit up when she realized she understood it. “Three wholes!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Yes!” Harry whooped and gave her a high five. “Now, let’s look at number three. One fourth plus three eighths. Tell me why you don’t want to do this one,” he said, noticing her face falling._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s - they don’t match,” she said obviously, pointing to the denominators._ _ _ _ _

_____“Alright, good noticing that. What’s the first thing you need to add fractions?” Fizzy stared at him without speaking. “A common denominator,” he supplied, and she sat up straight, clearly familiar with the words. “What’s the denominator?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry spent the afternoon helping Fizzy with her math problems (and baking), eventually checking back on Lottie’s homework, and by the time Jay came home from running her errands, Harry had wrangled the twins into showing him their homework. They had dinner - a Greek salad with tender, marinated chicken breast and fresh blueberries - and then cleared the table to play Ticket to Ride, the twins teaming up with Lottie and Jay. Louis hadn’t played the game yet, as it was a new obsession in the Tomlinson household, but Harry was familiar with it and reveled in being able to beat him by a few points, for once, knowing it would probably never happen again because Louis always won at board games._ _ _ _ _

_____It was Phoebe’s turn to read the chapter from Dragon Masters, a book series Harry read with the girls, so he and Louis went up to the twins’ room with Daisy and her so she could read to them. Harry said goodnight to them and left the room, leaving Louis to stay in there and hang out with them a bit longer to get time with them alone._ _ _ _ _

_____He went downstairs and helped Jay do dishes, unloading the dishwasher while she rinsed off plates from the last few days, and then loaded while she finished and then wiped off the cabinets. Harry finished loading the dishwasher up just as she started sweeping, and he went back over and mopped the floor, shooing her out of her own kitchen so he could finish up and let her sit down and have time with her older daughters._ _ _ _ _

_____It still felt weird to tell Jay what to do, but the more Harry came around, the more he realized how much responsibilities Louis had actually had around the house and within the family. Jay was by no means an irresponsible parent, but she had very much relied on Louis, Harry discovered. Louis kept up with the girls’ assignments - they were responsible girls, to begin with, but they were still kids who didn’t always want to do homework, so Louis had to check the backpacks from time to time, and he did so most nights, if Jay’s shifts kept her at the hospital past five p.m. - he also had dinner ready most nights, as well as helping the twins pick out outfits (he let Lottie and Fizzy go unchecked; they were old enough to know how to pick normal-looking clothes) and little things, like doing a quick, twenty-minute house clean or washing something particularly strange out of hair; Louis worked really hard, when he lived at home. Jay had shifted her hours around so she could at least get the girls ready for school every morning, but having Louis gone, and being there to witness the new dynamic of the family, really made Harry aware of how much Jay actually looked to Louis for guidance and direction in some ways._ _ _ _ _

_____So, the more Harry came over, the more Jay was getting comfortable letting Harry take over. She’d given Harry authority over the girls, trusting him to make sure their homework was accurate and that they read every night, had good meals when she wasn’t there, and generally trusting Harry to be a person the girls could call if they needed anything. Harry was beginning to understand the pride and the true importance of that job, and he was beginning to see the girls has his younger sisters, in a way, and majorly as a responsibility of his to look after them - Jay included. Louis certainly never complained, and it made Harry happy that Louis knew someone was looking out for his girls._ _ _ _ _

_____By the time Louis came down from the twins’ room, Harry had finished the kitchen and was watching some weird show on MTV about addictions that the girls were obsessed with. It weirded Harry out, personally, but the girls liked to watch it and talk about it on their way up to bed, Harry knew, so he mostly just played on his phone and texted with Zayn, who was taking a study break._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis sat next to Lottie and irritated her, pulling at her hair and whispering obnoxious commentary on the show until she laughed and shoved a hand in his face, not even flinching when he licked her palm. Louis had trained these girls too well, Harry thought. They were fearless and unbeatable._ _ _ _ _

_____Finally, though, Lottie got a text from her best friend and gasped, running upstairs with a hastily called “Night!”, leaving Fizzy, who was curled up on the floor using a balled-up blanket as a pillow, to sigh and turn the TV off._ _ _ _ _

_____“Night, Harry, night, Lou. Love y’all.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Love you, too,” Louis said, kissing her cheek when she swooped down to him._ _ _ _ _

_____“Night, Fizz, sleep tight,” Harry said, pleased and blushing when he added, “Love you, too.” She’d never told him she loved him._ _ _ _ _

_____“Wanna head up?” Louis asked, and Harry nodded, ready to get the mental images of the addict on TV from his brain. Some things just should not be eaten, addiction or not._ _ _ _ _

_____They walked up the flights of stairs, and Harry sighed happily when he entered Louis’ room. He sometimes went upstairs once the girls were asleep, just to lay in Louis’ bed and pretend like Louis was there, just in the shower, or getting a snack, or something. It was a secret Harry would take with him to his grave; Louis didn’t need to know how pathetic he was._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry took off his hoodie and shirt as he walked toward the bed, rolling his eyes and snorting when Louis wolf-whistled at him. He climbed into Louis’ bed and leaned over, plugging his phone in, and smiled to himself when Louis climbed into the other side of the bed and scooted over to mold himself to Harry’s bare back._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis started kissing Harry’s shoulder and neck, and Harry sighed into it, tilting his head to the side to let Louis have his way with him and humming when Louis’ lips started tickling at a sensitive spot of his._ _ _ _ _

_____“You’re really good to my girls,” Louis murmured, and Harry smiled._ _ _ _ _

_____“This is not a very sexy topic, Louis,” he said, but he knew Louis could hear the smile in his voice because he just laughed against Harry’s shoulder blade._ _ _ _ _

_____“I don’t know,” Louis disagreed, “it turned _me_ on to see you being such a family man, knowing you clearly do this often, knowing you take care of the girls when I can’t, knowing they trust you. Know what the twins told me?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“What’s that?” Harry inquired, leaning back against Louis’ frame. He knew Louis would hold him up._ _ _ _ _

_____“They said you’re the one who picked out Dragon Masters for them.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“We picked it out together,” Harry corrected. “I, like, took them to a bookstore, and they’d just seen _How to Train Your Dragon 2_ , so they were really into it. We looked at, like, a few different things, but they kept going back to dragons, and stuff. So we looked, and, like, this was the most, like - wholesome one I could find. It’s got girl dragon masters, and knights, and stuff. And good, clean humor, and all that, so, like. We agreed it would be a good series to try out. I’m - hmm - I’m pretty sure they read without me, but - oh - but they...they - Lou, I -”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry cut himself off from his conversation when Louis started dragging teeth gently across the skin of Harry’s neck. He went limp in Louis’ lap, leaning back against him, and breathed out slowly when Louis started dragging his hands across Harry’s chest and torso. It felt good to be touched and grabbed at - in a way that told him Louis couldn’t wait to get hands on him, but not a desperate kind of feel. It was refreshing._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis shifted, letting Harry’s back sink lower and lower onto the mattress until he was laying on his back, Louis sitting next to him and looming over him. As he took his shirt off, Louis laid down next to Harry and whispered, “You’re right; this isn’t a sexy topic. Let’s stop talking about them now, please.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry giggled, making Louis’ smile soften, and Louis traced Harry’s muscles in his abs, kissing his lips until Harry parted them enough to let Louis’ tongue in and caress his own._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis rolled so that he was halfway on top of Harry and Harry tried not to giggle when Louis’ hand started massaging the side of his ribcage, tickling him. He failed, but it only made Louis laugh out a soft breath and lean down, kissing Harry’s cheek. He kissed a trail down the side of Harry’s face and down the side of his neck, and Harry keened quietly, arching his neck and closing his eyes as Louis’ hand moved down his hip, around to cup his bum, squeezing tightly._ _ _ _ _

_____“Feel good?” Louis murmured, and Harry nodded._ _ _ _ _

_____“I like it when - your hands are on me,” he offered, swallowing the embarrassment down. He wasn’t embarrassed to feel it, but it was a little awkward to say something so blatantly desirous._ _ _ _ _

_____Luckily, Louis seemed to like it, because he smirked. “Yeah?” He asked, moving his hands all over Harry’s skin. Harry nodded. “Well, that’s good,” he murmured, breath ghosting over Harry’s bare chest by his collarbones, “because I like having my hands on you. Like making you feel good.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry choked back a whine as Louis’ lips trailed between his pecs, down to his waistband. “Please,” he whispered, fingers grasping onto the sheets of Louis’ bed. “Please.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Please what?” Louis asked quietly, kindly. “What do you need, sweet baby?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“I - just - anything, please, Louis,” Harry relied, whine verging on hysteria._ _ _ _ _

_____“Okay,” Louis answered quietly. Harry felt Louis’ fingers at the button of his jeans and hissed at the pressure of Louis’ wrists against his penis. He fought to keep his hips still and not buck up into the touch, and as rewarded when Louis started pulling his jeans down off his legs and feet._ _ _ _ _

_____“These, too,” Harry mumbled, feeling only a little bit shy as Louis smiled, but acquiesced. Once his boxers were down, Harry sighed, his penis standing straight and hard._ _ _ _ _

_____“Want me to blow you?” Louis asked. “Or - do you want fingers, or my mouth...what?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Fingers,” Harry blurted. “No, mouth. I -” He looked at Louis, who was hovering over his face, now, smiling, and frowned. “I don’t know,” he groaned, fingers grabbing the sheets and pulling a bit. He threw his fists down on the mattress. “You decide, just - _please_ , something.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis leaned down and kissed Harry, then. It wasn’t hard or dirty or desperate. It was sweet. It was soft, and slow, and patient, like he was willing Harry to calm down._ _ _ _ _

_____“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” Louis said quietly with a reassuring smile. His head then disappeared, and Harry was left staring at the ceiling while he felt Louis walk on his knees down further on the bed._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis settled between Harry’s feet and slowly pushed his legs up so he had to bend at the knee and rest the soles of his feet on the bed, then spread his legs so his knees were laying down, close to the bed as his limited flexibility would allow._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis put his mouth on Harry’s testicles, then, surprising him and making him hiccup a bit. It felt good, but wasn’t overwhelming, and Harry realized with a rush that Louis was doing that on purpose. He loved his boyfriend. “Hand me the lube?” Louis requested, and when Harry rolled a bit to grab it from the bedside table, Louis grabbed one of the pillows to place it underneath where the small of Harry’s back returned once he rolled onto his back again. His hips were now elevated, and Louis thanked him quietly before sliding his palms into the crook of his thighs, where his thigh met his groin. His fingers slid over the sensitive skin, dutifully ignoring Harry’s hard penis, and while parts of Harry wanted to ask for Louis to wrap his hand around it, he knew Louis would want to talk about it, and - he didn’t want to talk; he wanted to come._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ mouth started sinking lower, licking and kissing down his perineum and finally, his fingers spread Harry’s cheeks open. Harry did his best to stay still, knew it was a weird and limiting angle to work with - but if Louis wanted him on his back, Harry would stay on his back and he would be good and helpful._ _ _ _ _

_____The tip of Louis’ tongue grazed over Harry’s hole, and he squirmed, swallowing down his moan because he knew if he let it out, it’d be too loud. Surely, someone would hear._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s okay, love,” Louis whispered quietly, and went back to licking Harry out. Harry still didn’t let his sounds out, though, knew it’d been too long since he’d had this to trust himself to regulate his volume. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep quiet unless he kept completely silent. Louis seemed to understand, though, because he didn’t push Harry to let him hear, even though Harry knew he liked to._ _ _ _ _

_____Just when Harry was starting to burn, welcoming that familiar feeling he loved so much, Louis stopped and moved away from Harry, sitting up on his knees and palming himself. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pulled them off, and for a wild second, Harry thought he was going to make love to him - all the way._ _ _ _ _

_____The thought sent thrills up and down his spine - but, no. Louis wouldn’t do that. Harry had been practicing _the talk_ whenever he had a moment’s privacy to think, but he hadn’t actually gotten around to speaking to _Louis_ about it. So, no. Louis wasn’t about to make love to him. He just - needed to get rid of the pressure, Harry could now see, because after a moment, Louis sighed in relief and sat back on his knees, grabbing the lube so he could use his fingers. _ _ _ _ _

_____Harry propped himself up on his elbows, wanting to see it. Louis’ middle finger glistened in the light of the room when he glanced up at Harry. His look was meaningful, waiting for Harry’s encouragement, and he smiled when he got it. Harry dropped his head back and groaned when Louis slowly, and as smoothly as he could, slid his finger into Harry’s hole, trying to make as little noise as possible._ _ _ _ _

_____“Alright?” Louis asked, sounding strangled. His other hand was gripping the bottom of Harry’s thigh hard, so hard it hurt a bit, but Harry didn’t even care. Louis’ finger wasn’t exactly stretching him painfully or even all that thick, but Harry’d only had his own fingers for so long, and it was never enough. Louis just always _knew_ somehow, where and how to touch him to make it feel amazing. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Good, it’s good,” he whispered back, a hint of whine in his voice as he strained to stay quiet._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis moved his finger, and Harry breathed slowly, forcing himself to stay calm and not react like a sex-crazed fiend. He wasn’t entirely sure he succeeded, but Louis didn’t comment or anything, so he’d take it._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis added another finger after a while, and Harry couldn’t stop the ecstatic groan from coming out. He immediately covered his mouth and blushed scarlet, but Louis only chuckled lightly and focused on making sure Harry felt amazing. He did a wonderful job._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis scissored his fingers, prodding at the walls inside Harry, and it felt so amazing to be filled up that Harry could’ve cried. Or died. Either way, Harry knew he’d happily go to drastic measures to feel this on a daily basis._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis crooked his fingers upward, touching Harry’s prostate, and Harry squeaked, the sound coming out even past his hands over his mouth, muffling but not silencing it. Harry could feel himself burning, on fire everywhere, and he couldn’t stay still any longer._ _ _ _ _

_____He moved his hips downward, pushing against Louis’ fingers as if he could make Louis go harder or faster, and Louis got the hint, though Harry could see he looked a little surprised. Louis’ skillful fingers stayed prodding at his prostate, stroking against it and giving Harry pleasure he couldn’t even explain. He struggled to stay quiet and keep his hips rolling in a rhythm so he didn’t throw Louis off or stop his own pleasure._ _ _ _ _

_____“Want another finger?” Louis asked, sounding breathless._ _ _ _ _

______Yes_. Harry just wanted _more_. “Please,” he whimpered. Louis groaned quietly, but pulled his fingers out - Harry wanted to scream, but he knew Louis was just covering his third finger in lube for him. _ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ first two fingers went back in smoothly, and Harry fought to keep himself still and relaxed when he felt a third finger’s pressure against his hole. He took a deep breath and focused on Louis’ other hand, rubbing his tummy lightly, and heard Louis speaking calmly to him._ _ _ _ _

_____“That’s it, love,” he was saying as his finger pushed in. It didn’t hurt, Harry noted happily, and bit his lip against an onslaught of groans as he was stretched out even more with the third finger, and Louis started pulsing his fingers in and out slowly, just barely moving them._ _ _ _ _

_____As Harry relaxed more, and Louis’ fingers moved more, he felt the fire coming back. When Louis stretched him out and a finger fluttered over his prostate again, Harry’s hands slammed down on the bed and his back arched. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, letting one of his hands grab his penis. He could feel it, he was so close; he just couldn’t get there, and it was killing him._ _ _ _ _

_____“Getting close, love?” Louis asked, out of breath as he slammed his fingers into Harry, trying to keep up with his needs._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry nodded, whining, and stroked his penis quickly, trying to keep it in time with Louis’ fingers going in and out. Finally, finally, Harry could feel it happening. “Close,” he gritted out, and Louis grunted in response and kept his fingers moving, probing at Harry’s prostate at the same time as they stretched Harry’s hole out, giving Harry ecstasy._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry moved a hand back to his mouth, covering it up while he stroked himself faster and faster, squeezing when he got to the head, and came at last, not even daring to breathe for being afraid to make noise._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis kept going until Harry started getting too sensitive - it was like he knew, somehow, too, because Harry didn’t even need to tell him it was getting to be too much. After a moment, Harry sat up, reaching for Louis, who was still sitting on his knees, panting and staring at Harry with eyes full of wonder and love. When Harry reached out, though, Louis moved forward, wrapping an arm around Harry’s back to bring him close._ _ _ _ _

_____“Thank you,” Harry panted, barely able to even feel his legs._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis just chuckled, kissed Harry’s cheek sweetly, and said, “No problem, babe.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry kissed Louis, then, passionately, and Louis hummed into his mouth happily. Harry snuck his hands down to Louis’ boxers, reached into the slit that was tented out obscenely by Louis’ erection, and grabbed his penis gently. Louis groaned and pulled away, breaking their kiss, and looked down at his penis like he couldn’t believe Harry would have touched him of his own volition. His eyes then flickered up to stare at Harry._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s cheeks colored. “I - you don’t - I just wanted -” Floundering, suddenly, Harry realized he’d never touched Louis’ penis without asking beforehand, and he wondered briefly if he should have, now. A bit stuck, he let go of Louis’ penis and sat, feeling like a puppet with cut strings._ _ _ _ _

_____“No, babe, it wasn’t - I’m not upset with you,” Louis rushed to say, cupping Harry’s face in his hands. Harry looked up at Louis’ face and saw he was telling the truth._ _ _ _ _

_____“You just - looked so surprised,” Harry mumbled, feeling ashamed. “Should - should I have asked, first? I just - I just _assumed_ you’d be - but I shouldn’t have; I’m sorry -”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Babe, I was just surprised, not mad,” Louis said, chuckling even though it sounded (somehow) sympathetic. “You’ve been - different since I came back.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry noticed Louis’ erection had gone down a bit. He glanced up to Louis’ face and saw his expression was screwed up, like he hadn’t meant to say it. Harry could relate; he wished Louis hadn’t said it, too. Didn’t really know what to do with that opinion._ _ _ _ _

_____“D-different?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Well… _yeah_ ,” Louis answered. He shifted around to sit on his bum, wincing as he purposefully ignored his dying erection. “Not in a bad way, mind, but just different.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“How?” Harry asked, dreading the answer. Did Louis not want him the way he was now?_ _ _ _ _

_____“Well, think about it, babe,” Louis said, effortlessly making Harry calmer, just by his own voice staying calm. He picked up Harry’s hand and wrapped his fingers around Harry’s, smiling at him when their eyes met. “We’ve argued a few times already - just little spats, nothing serious, but we never did that before, not really. And you - you’re...different. In bed, I mean,” he added. “More adventurous, I guess.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“And you...don’t like that?” Harry asked, confused. He didn’t understand. He thought Louis would’ve been jumping for joy at the thought of Harry wanting more sex._ _ _ _ _

_____“No, of course I do,” Louis defended, eyebrows drawing together as he frowned, looking concerned. “Sweetheart, I’m not getting onto you, or anything. I just wanted to talk to you. We always talk. Is that okay?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry took a deep breath. Louis wasn’t disappointed, it seemed. “We’re okay?” He checked. He needed to know that before he could say anything. “I’m sorry for - touching you, by the way,” he added, wanting Louis to know._ _ _ _ _

_____“Baby, it’s fine, we’re - I’m not upset with you. You have to stop thinking I’m upset every time I want to talk, love,” Louis implored, sighing a little sadly. “I’m not talking to you because I’m unhappy with you. I’m just touching base with you. Can I do that, please?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, yeah, that’s - that’s fine,” Harry answered, feeling bad for making _Louis_ feel bad. “Sorry, I just - every time you stop our...like, when we’re being intimate, or whatever, and you stop it, I just - it feels like I’ve done something wrong.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ hand pulled Harry’s chin up a bit to face him, and his expression was soft and warm. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he stated explicitly. “I love that you’re taking more charge and doing stuff on your own. It’s hot as hell. I love that you’re telling me what you want and asking for specific things, I love that you’re more comfortable in your own skin, I love that you’re deliberately trying new things to make me feel good, too. I love it all. Thank you. I also am glad you’ve started fighting with me.”_ _ _ _ _

_____That - didn’t sound right. Harry furrowed his brows, frowning at Louis. “You’re - you’re happy with me for arguing?” He repeated dubiously._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis just looked proud, though. “I am,” he said obstinately. “I’m very happy.” He laughed at Harry’s confused face. “When you argue with me, it’s like you forget to be afraid you’ll piss me off enough to make me break up with you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s eyes grew wide. He didn’t realize he’d ever really bit back an argument out of fear, but maybe...maybe he did._ _ _ _ _

_____“You don’t fight me, babe, on anything,” Louis said emphatically, “and I’ve gotten used to it. It used to be really frustrating, but the longer we dated, the more I understood that it wasn’t personal, it was just - you’ve never had a boyfriend, and you’ve never been in love before me. That’s okay. I never said anything about it, and just always tried really hard to make sure I was giving you plenty of say and, like, opportunities to speak up.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You do,” Harry interjected, wanting to show his appreciation because he knew Louis really did try hard to give Harry what he wanted and needed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Thanks,” Louis said with a grin. “I knew it wasn’t personal, I knew that it wasn’t a matter of you not trusting me. I knew it was about you, stuff you would have to deal with on your own before you could let yourself forget to be afraid I’d get fed up with you if you dared to raise your voice, or something. So now, when we snap at one another, it’s refreshing, even though it’s frustrating as hell. You - it means you’re not afraid to get mad at me, to tell me how you really feel. It means I’m dating _you_ , finally, and not just the tiny part of you you’re letting me see.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry didn’t know what to say. “I’m -” What? He’d been about to say ‘sorry’, and in a way, he was. He was sorry he’d held himself back for so long, that he hadn’t even realized he did it, that he only gave Louis a part of him the whole time because - Louis was right - he’d been afraid Louis wouldn’t like it._ _ _ _ _

_____But he wasn’t anymore; how could he be? How could he see the way Louis looked at him, feel the way Louis touched him like he was a precious gem, know how Louis gave Harry anything he could possibly give, could forgive him for being involved in the death of _two people_ , could be patient and not have full-on sex for over a _year_ just because Harry wasn’t ready, how could Harry worry when Louis had seen him in several panic attacks, wake up next to Harry, who was screaming and swinging fists at his ghosts, clean Harry up when he was covered in tears, sweat, and vomit, without ever passing judgement? How could Harry fear, because Louis had done nothing but prove time and time again, over boundaries of privilege and abuse and mental illness and literal state lines that he was crazy about Harry?_ _ _ _ _

_____How could Harry be afraid?_ _ _ _ _

_____So Harry swallowed, kissed Louis’ lips gently, and simply told him, “I’m not afraid anymore.”_ _ _ _ _

_____The answering grin he got for his efforts made it all worth it. Louis’ smile could light the world in an eclipse. His mega-watt beam made Harry glad he’d been so honest, especially when he noticed Louis swallowing heavily, trying to hold back tears._ _ _ _ _

_____“No, don’t cry!” Harry exclaimed, jumping forward to pounce on Louis, wrapping his arms around him tight and tucking his chin over Louis’ shoulder._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis laughed a little wetly, and squirmed enough that Harry loosened his grip on him. Louis extracted his arms from where they’d been pinned down to his sides, and hugged Harry back before pushing him away enough to see him. “I’m fine,” he said, laughing as he wiped his eyes. “Just - it makes me really, really happy to hear that from you. You - you have no idea.”_ _ _ _ _

_____They shared a quiet moment of happiness, looking into each other’s eyes, until Harry remembered the important discussion they’d been having. With a blush, he said, “So - in bed?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis smiled and shook his head. “I don’t know where the surge in hormones is coming from, but I’m on board with it,” he laughed. “No, really, though - I’m glad you’re more confident with your body, and I love seeing and hearing you ask for what you want...but I _do_ think we should slow down just a bit. I’m not saying we can’t do anything,” he said with a teasing laugh when Harry’s face fell, “but I just don’t want either of us to feel like the sex is the focal point of our relationship. It never has been, and I like it that way.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, I agree,” Harry answered, nodding his head. “I just don’t know why my hormones are, like, all over the place. I’m - I could...right now, I’d be ecstatic to, like. Go again.” It made him blush to say it out loud, but he knew Louis wouldn’t mind._ _ _ _ _

_____“Don’t get me wrong,” Louis said, laughing lightly, “I’m pretty much _always_ down. But I don’t want to end up being one of those couples that just has sex to have sex, rather than because we really want it and want to share that with one another. You know?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “I guess I need to work on my self-control anyway, right?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis laughed. “You’ll get there,” he said comfortingly. Harry just scowled playfully._ _ _ _ _

_____They lay down in bed together, crawling under the covers and snuggling up with one another in sweet silence. “Hey, Lou?” Harry whispered when he thought Louis might be asleep._ _ _ _ _

_____“Mmm?” Louis shifted, giving Harry his sleepy attention._ _ _ _ _

_____“Thanks for talking to me tonight. I’m glad we had that conversation.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis smiled and dropped the lightest kiss ever onto Harry’s cheek. “You’re welcome, love. Thanks for not being afraid.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry smiled, nuzzled into his touch happily._ _ _ _ _

_____“Night, love,” Louis said._ _ _ _ _

_____“Night.” After a moment, Harry smiled. “Hey, Lou?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis took a deep breath and sighed, and Harry had to press his lips together not to laugh. “Yes, Harry?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Sorry you didn’t get to come tonight.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed as Louis mumbled something to himself and whacked him with a pillow, snorting._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____The next few days flew by. Louis left Harry to go to Kilgore, Zayn and Stan’s college, because their finals schedule wasn’t so tough. Harry started studying Sunday night. Monday morning, at practice, Harry trained by himself, setting up obstacles on the field with mini traffic cones and doing agility drills. He brought out a rope ladder and forced himself to do several grapevine variations, and ended it all with running another mile, totaling four for the day. When he got back into the locker room to shower, he was surprised to see a few of his teammates already there. Ashton, the only senior among them, stepped forward after Harry greeted them._ _ _ _ _

_____“Hey, Harry,” he said, looking a bit uncomfortable._ _ _ _ _

_____“Everything okay?” Harry asked with a frown._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh- yeah,” Ashton murmured unconvincingly. “We were actually… We were wondering what your schedule was like, and if you wouldn’t mind supervising us in our workouts.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“We want our jerseys back as soon as we can,” Luke added, Mikey and Callum nodding behind him._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh,” Harry answered, holding his clothes. “ _Oh_. Yeah, of course! I actually - I’m up here by five pretty much every morning working out. You can totally come up here and, you know. I can tick off your boxes, keep track of it and stuff. If you want to; just let me know when you guys are gonna be, like, up here.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Callum looked like he’d rather die than be up at the locker room by five, but he sighed and nodded with the other boys. “It’s a lot,” he said by way of explanation. “We’d rather get on the team again sooner than later, so we’ll work out as much as we can.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Sorry to take up your time,” Ashton added, but Harry waved the thought away._ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s not a problem,” he assured. “Really, like. I’m up here, anyway, right? Might as well, you know. Two birds, one stone, and all that.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“So you don’t mind us crashing your morning workouts?” Mikey checked. “We all know you pretty much do them alone as your nirvana kind of thing, that’s why nobody else ever comes up here.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Wait, what?” Harry asked, laughing a little. “You all avoid the locker room in the morning because I’m here?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, not like that!” Luke rushed out, while Callum and Ashton slapped the back of Mikey’s head. “Not to avoid you, he meant nobody comes here because we don’t want to disturb you. This is like your yoga session, or whatever.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed, feeling better. “Oh,” he said. “Well, for the record, I don’t mind in the least, like. If y’all wanna come up here, you’re more than welcome to. I just don’t have any equipment at home, and I’d rather just park my car here and shower here, since I’ve got the room.” He motioned to the Captain’s locker, which was a corner locker and twice the size of a normal locker. Half of it was stocked with his football stuff; the other half had deodorant, soap, a spare towel, his face cream, and shampoo and conditioner so he could get ready for school in the morning there._ _ _ _ _

_____“Good to know,” Luke said gently, a small smile on his face._ _ _ _ _

_____The boys were nice, and Harry got along with them just fine, but they weren’t really friends. Harry realized that this might be an opportunity to make a few new friends, and the thought made him rather happy._ _ _ _ _

_____He left his number with each of the boys, agreeing to meet them the next day at five, and went and showered, allowing himself about half an hour to study in his car before he packed up and walked to the main building to meet Liam. He had his first and second period exams._ _ _ _ _

_____Tuesday morning, Harry worked out with the boys. They weren’t nearly as awake as Harry had been, but they worked hard, and barely complained. Harry kept track in a new spiral how much they did, and surprised them all by doing the workouts with them. When they asked why he was doing the workouts, too, Harry just shrugged._ _ _ _ _

_____“You were standing up for me,” he said. “Like, yeah, I didn’t _make_ you fight, and I still wish you hadn’t have, but you were doing it for me, and like. It wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me, in a way. Plus, it’s easier to keep track of what you do if I’m doing it, too - _and_ , this makes me a better athlete. I had suicide drills because they’re hard and tiring, but I have to admit, they make you better.”_ _ _ _ _

_____He had third and fourth period exams that day, and while he struggled with his Latin conjugations sometimes, he was pretty sure he killed them both. He went to therapy after school, that day, and had a great session with Karen._ _ _ _ _

_____Wednesday, he had fifth and sixth period exams, and Mrs. MacMillian waived her test, so they just watched _Into the Woods_ on Broadway and did a small packet about it. _ _ _ _ _

_____Thursday, Harry lifted with Scot, and the other boys lifted with one another, keeping track of their own weights and having Harry sign off on it. He had seventh and eighth period exams, and by the time he got home on Friday, Harry collapsed on the couch next to the smaller one his Gran had been sitting on and watched TV for two hours straight, letting his mind wander._ _ _ _ _

_____After he’d been vegetating for a while, though, Harry sat up and went to make dinner. He was browning beef when Gran came in slowly, her gait a little hobbly since she’d gotten so sick, and Harry smiled at her, happy to be in her peaceful company._ _ _ _ _

_____“How long have you been cooking dinner, hmm?” She asked, and Harry turned away from her so she wouldn’t see his lie._ _ _ _ _

_____“Not long,” he fibbed. “Started cooking, like, last year? Mum’s been working really hard and sometimes she has to stay late. I like to help out, is all.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry felt Gran move in closer before she actually touched him, a gentle hand on his shoulder he didn’t shy away from. “You don’t have to lie to me, my dear, kind-hearted boy,” she said gently. “I’m not here to judge your mother for the choices she’s had to make. I only asked because you’re a very good cook.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh.” Harry felt a little foolish. “I just - I didn’t want to lie,” he began, looking over guiltily at his gran, but she just held her hand up._ _ _ _ _

_____“You wanted to protect her from judgement and harsh words,” she said simply. Harry nodded, and it earned him a smile. “Between you and me,” she said, “your mum is a better mum than I ever was. She’s made the hardest choices - harder than any choices I ever had to make, that’s for sure. There’s not a bad thing I could find it in myself to say about her - except that she works too hard sometimes!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry felt a rush of warmth for his gran. They’d been close when Harry was young, but after they moved out of the house Harry’d lived with Des in, they didn’t go see her as much as they should have. It broke Harry’s mum’s heart to stay away from her, but it was also hard for her to face her mum, Harry found out eventually. It was also hard for her to let anyone around Harry, trusted family or not. Harry understood, and he’d spent so many years only seeing his gran every few months for weekend trips that he’d forgotten how amazing and understanding she really was._ _ _ _ _

_____“She’s a really wonderful parent,” Harry said quietly, concentrating on the meat in the pan._ _ _ _ _

_____“She’s done a wonderful job raising you, Harry,” Gran said. She squeezed his shoulder once and let go, but she only backed up a step or two. “I was so worried, when you moved away, that you would be afraid of your own shadow, never make friends or venture outside of your comfort zone. I was worried she wouldn’t push you to do new things or chase passions, but - look at you. Practically grown up, you’re so committed to your sport, you have a job, you’re learning to care for yourself, your friends call you all the time. And Louis, I really like that boy.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s ears burned at all the praise, but he couldn’t help his smile when she talked about Louis. “I do, to,” he said goofily, causing Gran to crack up._ _ _ _ _

_____“I can tell,” she said, elbowing him in camaraderie. “He loves you so much, you know,” she added after a moment. “We had some time to talk, last week when you were at school. He got back from visiting his mum at work, and then he took me out to lunch - can you believe that? Young man like that, taking an old nan like me out on a lunch date. Opened my door, and everything. He was so earnest about it all.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s heart fluttered. Louis hadn’t told him that; how typical of him._ _ _ _ _

_____“He asked all about you, begged for stories of you as a baby. Asked about Anne when she was young, too. Even asked about Desmond, he did. Oh, yes,” she nodded then Harry’s gaze snapped up to her. “He was very respectful about it, mind, but I got the sense that he wasn’t trying to be nosy; he simply wanted to know you from as many sides as possible. That young man thinks you hung the moon, and the stars right along with it. I couldn’t handpick a better boyfriend for you, I’ll tell you that.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry let silence hang, glad Gran seemed to love Louis so much and feeling honored and floored by the fact that Louis had spent time with his gran just to get to know _him_ and his family better. It was a really amazing thought._ _ _ _ _

_____“What are your plans tonight?” Gran asked after a while, and Harry jumped. In the silence, he’d let his mind wander._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, I go and have dinner with Louis’ family twice a week,” he said, and Gran smiled. “It helps - Louis’ mum is a single mum, too, but she works weird shifts, and their dad...he was the one who -” Gran’s face showed recognition, and then horror and sadness. “Erm, yeah, so - it’s kind of a - new situation, especially now that Louis’ gone, so I go over and cook for them, help with homework, that kind of thing. Spend time with his little sisters.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“They’re family,” Gran said softly, and Harry smiled fondly._ _ _ _ _

_____“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “They really are.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry finished cooking dinner for Gran and his mum just after his mum got home, and with kisses to his favorite women in his family, he grabbed his phone, wallet, keys, and charger, and left for the Tomlinson house._ _ _ _ _

_____The girls were excited to see Harry, as always, and he baked them a cake to celebrate the end of the semester. They watched a movie together after dinner, and by then, the twins were falling asleep, so Harry escorted them to their room and read them the next chapter of their book. It was Phoebe’s turn, but she could barely sit upright, so Harry took pity on her and did it himself._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry went back downstairs with Felicite and Lottie, and sat with them, halfway paying attention to whatever show they were watching until they drifted off to bed. Harry called Louis when they went up, but he didn’t answer. Harry rolled his eyes, snorting to himself, and headed up to Louis’ room. He was tired and didn’t feel like driving all the way back to his house._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry woke from a nightmare to his phone ringing, the alarm he forgot to turn off waking him up. He saw through bleary eyes that he had several missed calls and unread texts. Frowning, Harry forced himself awake and opened the calls, checking who they were from. They were all made really late, several from Louis, one from Zayn, and several more from Louis before they stopped._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry forced himself to be calm._ _ _ _ _

_____He opened the texts next, and saw they were all from Louis, all jumbled and stupid - Louis _clearly_ got drunk last night. Feeling evil, Harry called Louis. It took several tries before Louis answered with a pained groan. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Hey, Lou!” Harry shouted cheerfully into the receiver. “Saw I missed your call! What’s up?!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“ _Harry_ ,” Louis whispered painfully, “ _please - please don’t be so loud. Just - shh. Whispers are your friend. _”___ _ _ _ _

_______Harry giggled. “How much did you drink?” He asked in a more normal tone._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Too much_ ,” Louis whimpered. “ _Way too much_.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry snorted. “Alright, love. Well, you go get some more sleep and drink lots of water. I’m headed to workout. I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _I love you so much,_ ” Louis whispered. “ _So much more than alcohol_ ,”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry laughed and hung up the phone, getting dressed. He went down stairs and got all the things ready for tasty toast - bananas, blueberries, cinnamon, and (for Daisy) whipped cream. He left them out, along with the toaster, and wrote a lovely note to Jay, who was asleep but would be up soon to make breakfast, telling her to have a great day and that the girls had been great the night before._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry was a few minutes late to the locker room but was still a bit surprised to see the boys there. The group had grown, though: Scot, Mitch, and Jaymie were all waiting for him. Harry was surprised they’d be up so early on the first day of winter break, but he was happy to have the company and set off working out with them. He stayed much later than he usually did, but was pleased at how hard they were all working, but when he started getting so hungry he felt he might be sick, he called it._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I have to go home now, guys,” he said apologetically. “Sorry.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Sorry?” Jaymie laughed breathlessly. “We’ve all been dying, over here, waiting for you to tire out so we didn’t feel like out-of-shape blobs.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I wish I could pass out,” Mitch confirmed._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“It’s not so bad, now that my legs have gone numb,” Mikey offered._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry as horrified. “I didn’t mean to push you guys so hard!” He cried out, looking them all up and down for any discomfort. He only found exhaustion._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“No, don’t worry, really,” Ashton said, ever the mother hen. “It’s good for us to push ourselves. Right, guys?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______All the boys grumbled in agreement, and Harry laughed. “Well, with all that enthusiasm,” he said drily, making them laugh. “Come on, let’s go home.” He waved the boys off the track toward the locker room, feeling like a million very tired dollars._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“How are you in such great shape, anyway?” Mitch finally asked. “I eat well, I practice every day, but I can’t run like you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry blushed when he realized everyone had stopped their side conversations to listen to Harry’s answer, all focused on him as they made their way towards the locker room. “Oh, erm, I honestly - I just workout a lot. I mean, I eat really well - a salad for a meal every day, sixty grams of protein at least, balanced food group...but I also workout twice, most days. In the morning, I run a few miles at my own pace, then do drills or weights or practice. Eat a good lunch, then come out and give it my all at practice. Like, I run really hard at practice because I let myself run at my own pace in the morning, so, it’s not - like, it’s not all that hard? I actually really like running and working out, and I - I really want to play football in college, and so I -basically, I do most of what Louis’ program has him do, and then I do my own stuff on top of that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“That’s insane,” Luke breathed, glaring incredulously at Harry._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry blushed. “I like exhausting my body, is all,” he said, and smiled._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Well, it pays off, doesn’t it,” Scot exclaimed, patting Harry hard on the back. Harry just grinned._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______===_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Louis still hadn’t come home, yet, which suited Harry just fine, because he was hanging out with Niall and Liam in his room, and they were having Very Important conversations._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“It’s _weird_ to be sexually aroused by tickling!” Liam cried. He then realized he’d shouted it, a bit, and clapped a hand over his mouth. The three of them stared at each other in horrified silence for a moment, waiting to see if anyone overheard their conversation. No sounds were made, though, and they all breathed out a sigh of relief unanimously, and then burst into laughter. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Liam, you tit!” Niall cackled loudly, and Liam didn’t even defend himself. “It’s not even weird, it’s hot. Just for that, you have to try it. Next time you and Dani fuck, you have to tickle her.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Wh- no!” Liam sputtered out through his laughter. “What about you, Harry, you got any weird kinks you’re thinking about?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry blushed, and they pounced. “I knew it!” Niall exclaimed. “I fuckin’ knew it! What is it, is it really weird? Is Louis into something freaky?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I - no!” Harry blushed furiously, but the boys only laughed, not believing him. “It’s - actually, it’s me,” he confessed, giggling a little nervously._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What?!” Niall shrieked, looking delighted and proud. “What is it?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Well, I don’t - I dunno if it’s really that _weird_ ,” Harry began, but Niall just made ‘hurry up’ gestures, and he spilled. “Okay, I - I have two that we’ve done...recently. So, like, I - discovered I like it when, erm, when - when Louis, like. Pulls my hair?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oooh, naughty,” Liam cooed, and Harry just rolled his eyes, face burning a bit._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“So, like. The first freaking night, we’re - we’re, you know, making out, and he was being, like, so sweet and gentle, and I’m over here, like, ‘oh god if he does it I’m gonna - I’ll just come, like, right here’, you know? It was ridiculous!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Liam and Niall both laughed, scooting closer. “Don’t worry about that one being too freaky,” Liam comforted, and Niall nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yeah, actually a lot of people like a bit of pulling. What’s your other one?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry covered his cheeks with his hands to cool them down and said quickly, “We messed around in a kind-of public place.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _What_?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry laughed, a great, heaving, honking laugh at their reaction and nodded, pushing his hair back because he was starting to sweat from the intensity of his heated skin. “Yeah,” he said, “since he’s been back, I’ve just been - ready to, like, crawl out of my skin, or something; I can’t - I can’t get enough.” He ended in a low voice, and the boys looked at one another knowingly. “What?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“You’re ready, I bet,” Liam said, and Harry bit his lip to hide a smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I am,” he admitted, and the boys cheered._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“So, when’s it gonna be?” Niall asked, begging for details now that he knew something would be happening eventually._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I thi-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Wait!” Liam cried, throwing his hands out. “Where did you do it?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Niall burst into laughter and Harry giggled, squirming out of embarrassment._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“It was - in his car, I - I, you know,” he mimed oral sex with his tongue prodding his cheek, sending them into raucous laughter. “We parked at - at the school locker rooms -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oh my god!” Liam cried out, laughing as he covered his eyes with his hands._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Can’t believe you were so ballsy!” Niall said, and then, a beat later, “Well -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry snorted at his implied pun. They laughed together, light and free, until their stomachs hurt, and then - almost like they planned it - Niall and Liam rolled over onto their stomachs on the bed, facing Harry with undivided attention._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“So, are you sure you’re ready?” Niall asked, uncharacteristically serious._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yeah,” Harry answered with no hesitation. “I’m sure. I’m - I’ve been ready, like, physically, for a _long_ time, but - I think I just really needed time to - get over what happened - everything that happened, I mean - and, like, after talking to my mum… She told me that they, like. Dad only ever...once. It wasn’t, like, continued; I didn’t block it out. He never -” He wiggled his fingers, and they knew, relief plain on their faces. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I’m glad you got those answers,” Liam said softly. Harry nodded, his throat a little itchy. “You deserved that closure, you know? He’s had a say in your life for far too long.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yeah,” Harry agreed, nodding. He took a deep breath and smiled. “So, like - I want to, with Louis. You know. Like, I’ve been ready for a long time, but now I’m _really_ ready. I just -” Harry bit his lip. “Any advice?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Well, do you want to bottom, or top?” Niall asked diplomatically._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry blushed. “Ehm - both?” He said, shrugging like it wasn’t important to him, like he wasn’t dying to try both._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Liam coughed. “I’m afraid I can’t help you much with the technicalities,” he said, looking apologetic enough that Harry laughed a bit, “but my advice would be to - like, get yourself off before you start. If you don’t, you’ll come early. Not that that’s not normal and totally fine,” he added in a rush when he saw Harry bite his lip nervously. “Everyone comes early, but like - if you want to enjoy it a little longer, you know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry nodded gratefully. He’d have to remember that one and find a way to get himself off beforehand._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“And make sure you bring a lot of stuff,” Liam suggested. He looked a little helpless, out of his element a bit, and turned to Niall, who looked like he’d been waiting for this moment his entire life._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Alright, make sure you come before you start, like Liam said,” Niall began. “Make sure you bring a shit ton of lube, some water, and some snacks.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Jesus,” Liam muttered, and Harry laughed, already a bit overwhelmed. “He’s not going on a fifty-mile hike.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Niall wouldn’t be swayed, though. “No, but if he’s wanting to try multiple things, he’s going to need his strength. Plus, cooking will help him keep his mind off of his own nerves.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______He had a point there, Harry thought to himself, nodding. Liam agreed. “Fair enough,” he said._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“You know how it goes, he’s fingered you before, right? And you’ve fingered him?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Er, yeah,” Harry answered, wondering if his face would ever stop burning._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Good,” Niall cheered. “That’ll make it easy. Just make sure you’re opened up really well, and make sure, when it’s his turn, that you stretch him out. I’ve seen your dick. Give him three fingers at least.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“At _least_?” Harry asked. “What do you do at most, shove your whole hand up there?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Niall and Liam looked at one another silently, seemingly at a loss for words. “Don’t kinkshame, Harry,” Niall finally said solemnly. Harry was just about to apologize, feeling horrible and afraid they’d thought he was trying to be mean when Niall cracked up. “I’m kidding, mate,” he said, laughing at Harry’s scowl. “People really do _do_ that, though, just so you know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I - wait, for real?” Harry balked at the thought of Louis’ whole hand up inside of him. He wondered if it would feel good, or if he’d be afraid his body would, like, rip, or something._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Your body is made to stretch, Harry,” Liam answered with a kind, non-judgmental smile. “You just have to do it slow.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Have - do you do that?” Harry asked, surprised._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Liam laughed, though. “No,” he answered, “but _someone_ had to teach Niall about sex, right? I know more about gay sex than any straight kid should.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Master of all sexualities, our Liam,” Niall pronounced loudly, clapping him on the back. “He knows all the facts, with none of the practice.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Better than all of the practice with none of the facts,” Harry reasoned, making Niall crack up._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oh, look who’s got the jokes,” he said through his cackling laughter, barely understandable._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry sighed happily, basking in the sort of light-hearted fun he’d not been able to fully enjoy and participate in much before. With the anxiety and scars of his father looming over him as a young preteen and teenager, he’d been able to have fun and laugh, of course, but it never felt like _this_. Harry had never been content with himself, as an actual human person until the last few months, when he’d had alone time and found himself enjoying his own company. What was best, Harry thought, was that he did it. Louis and Karen and his friends and mum helped - of course they did! - but Harry had learned to love himself mostly on his own. That made all the difference in the world at the end of the day. Louis didn’t do the work; instead, he encouraged Harry to do it on his own. Every day, when they talked, Louis was supportive regardless of his mood, loved Harry through his depression, his trauma, the anxiety and the nightmares, and fiercely denied Harry’s worries about him being a burden. Eventually, Louis’ love of Harry - and of himself, really, because he was so confident and passionate about his own life - paved the way into Harry learning to fall in love with himself. He loved the kind of person he was. He was a good friend, a good son, a good boyfriend, a good student, a good footballer, and a good person. He loved himself. Loving Louis was the best can of worms Harry had ever opened, because Louis inspired Harry to be loved and to be in love. It was the best gift Harry had ever earned._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I want to do it for his birthday, I think,” he said after a while, interrupting whatever Niall and Liam had been talking about._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The boys stopped their conversation, a little surprised, and Niall nodded while Liam looked hesitant._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“His birthday is - two days away, Harry, do you have everything you need?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I, erm.” Harry blushed. “I have to go get, like. I need condoms, but I’ve got...lube.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Yeah_ , you do,” muttered Niall in what Harry was sure he thought was helpful, thumping Harry on the back. Liam snorted. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I just - I mean, I’m ready, you know? To have sex. I’m ready.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“‘Course, we know,” Niall answered kindly. “Been between thighs a time or two, me and Liam, haven’t we?” Harry rolled his eyes, and Liam kicked out at Niall for being so graphic._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Guys,” he laughed, pretending to be frustrated with them. “This is kind of a big deal to me,” he said, and Niall sobered up a bit._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I know,” he said. “I’m not tryin’a make it like it’s not, I promise. I just think you’re making it into this big, giant deal in your head, and you’re gonna let it make you so nervous and it’ll wreck it. Listen, Harry.” Niall leaned over, nudging Harry’s shoulder. “Don’t overthink it, alright? It sounds crude, but - you’ve already had some stuff up there, you’ve already put stuff up Lou - all that’s changing it what you’re using, you know? It’s not… Don’t let your nerves stop you from enjoying it, is what I’m tryin’a say.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“But it’s okay to be nervous,” Liam cut in, and Niall nodded vigorously._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oh, yeah,” he said. “You’d be a robot if you weren’t nervous at _all_. But, you also have to remember - this is _you and Louis_. It’s gonna be amazing, because you guys love each other so much, and Lou’d probably set the world on fire and watch it burn before he ever did anything to hurt you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry smiled to himself and looked at his hands to hide it. He watched his fingers poke at one another where they fidgeted, and allowed himself to feel warm. Maybe it was narcissistic, but he _loved_ when people talked about or noticed how good he and Louis were together. “Thanks,” he said, feeling a bit shy and altogether proud at the same time._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Niall just chuckled, and Liam grinned._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“So you’re sure about this?” Liam asked, and Harry nodded with a smile. He was ready._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______In two days, he was going to lose his virginity._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______That night, Louis got home right as Harry sat down with his mum and gran to dinner. He came in like a tornado, loud and dropping his bag on the floor, sweeping in with hugs and affection all around. When Harry heard Louis come in, he hopped up out of his chair with a giant smile and started grabbing for the cabinet to make Louis a plate while he greeted his mum and gran. Before he could start loading it up, though, arms snaked around his waist as Louis came up behind him, pulling him backwards and hugging him tight._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What do you think you’re doing, hmm?” Louis asked playfully, kissing Harry’s cheek just to make him blush. Louis swayed, almost like he was dancing with Harry in his arms, and Harry laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I’m trying to make you a plate,” he answered, setting the plate down by the oven so he didn’t drop it while he danced. He placed his hands on Louis’ arms. “You’re in a good mood tonight,” he observed happily, relaxing into Louis’ chest. He ignored the eyes he felt on him coming from the kitchen table._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Always, when I get to come home to you,” Louis chirped, smacking a loud, goofy kiss onto Harry’s temple before he squeezed one last time and let go, backing up. “Let me make my own plate, babe, you go sit down,” he offered, making shooing gestures to Harry. “Rest your feet; I know you cooked this meal.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry didn’t bother asking how Louis knew; there was lemon pepper all over the chicken, which was Harry’s favorite seasoning to use. Louis teased him mercilessly after he once ( _once_ ) found out Harry packed a bottle of it to take on a football tournament. (Harry refused to be ashamed; hotel food could be really terrible.) He did go sit down, though, blushing because the women at the table were still watching him with big smirks on their faces. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“How are your friends, Louis?” Gran finally asked after silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______As Louis came to the table, he told them about his trip to have some bro time, which apparently meant several parties in one night and breaking into Kilgore’s campus pool to skinny dip while drunk, one study session for Zayn, packing, and eating contests. “Me and Stan also went to a bar so I could be his wingman, and then I stayed at the art studio with Zayn until four in the morning one night because Stan actually managed to pull. Zayn’s art is getting _sick_ ,” Louis added, addressing Harry specifically. “His painting professor offered him this work study-slash-internship gig, where basically an artist comes and stays on campus for a month to do demos and have talks and stuff - they’re called the artist in residence - and Zayn’s job would basically be to just help them with whatever they need, kind of like an assistant. Zayn accepted, obviously, so he’s gonna be able to learn a lot from this artist he’s obsessed with. His professors also already are considering him for an independent study using graffiti-style art, which hasn’t ever been done before on Kilgore.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“That’s amazing!” Harry said, eyes wide as saucers. “He never told me that!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“It’s Zayn,” Louis replied with a laugh and shrug. “He hates using his phone, but if you get him in person, he’ll talk your ear off.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Not to _me_ ,” Harry grumbled, and Louis snorted. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Patting Harry’s hand, he said in a playfully patronizing tone, “One day, babe.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“When is Zayn coming over again?” Anne asked, looking between the two._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I dunno,” Harry said, scrunching his nose up dejectedly. “He’s on his way home tomorrow, Niall said, and I doubt we’ll see either of them for a few days, ‘cause they like to hole up together.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Gran raised her eyebrows suggestively, making Harry cough. Louis just laughed._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Later, when they got to bed, Harry kissed Louis slowly, moving so that he was on his side and sort of leaning over Louis. Louis made a pleased surprised sound at Harry’s initiative, which made Harry glad he did it. Louis’ left arm came up to rest on Harry’s forearm as he relaxed into a sweet kiss, not pushing it. Harry traced Louis’ top lip with the tip of his tongue, wanting desperately for Louis to open his mouth because he loved feeling their tongues sliding against each other. He loved the way it tasted raw, somehow, in a way he couldn’t explain, he loved the texture of their tongues, the tiny bumps on their tongues sliding against each other. He loved how slow and wet Louis’ tongue felt against his. He loved it. He loved everything about it, and he craved that sensation almost more than anything else they ever did put together._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Mmm,” Louis hummed, pulling away so he could look at Harry. “Where’s your head gone? You spaced out a bit.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oh, I -” Only blushing a little bit, Harry leaned down to press his lips against Louis’ once. “I was actually thinking about, erm, your tongue?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“My - tongue?” Louis repeated, smiling even though he clearly wasn’t sure what Harry was leading up to._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yeah,” he answered, nodding and huffing when some of his hair fell into his face. It was getting long._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Did you…” Louis licked his lips; Harry watched his tongue move across them. “Did you want me to go down on you?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry’s penis throbbed, but Harry knew they couldn’t - not tonight. He took a short breath, mentally apologizing to his hormones, but smiled. “No,” he said contentedly. “I’m good. I meant, like. I like when we’re kissing, and we - I like feeling our tongues, like. Slide against each other. Feels good.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Yeah?” Louis asked, surprised but happy, clearly. “I’ve never had anyone say that to me before.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry blushed; Louis was looking like someone had just come up with the best compliment ever before. “It feels nice,” he mumbled, looking down at Louis’ chest, focusing on a single freckle there to avoid admitting he didn’t know how to begin the conversation he wanted to have._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Hey.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry looked up because Louis’ voice was so soft and gentle, curious and kind. Louis was already staring at him, ready and waiting to meet his eyes. Louis looked that tiniest bit concerned, but overshadowing that was very obvious happiness at having Harry hovering over him with pinkened, slightly swollen lips. The thumb he had pressed against Harry’s forearm swiped back and forth comfortingly._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Do you ever...I mean, I _know_ you do, but, like...I mean, I guess I want to - you know…” Harry took a deep breath. “I want to - to...I want to -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Harry.” Louis said it simply, and it instantly made Harry feel grounded, back on his feet, and safe, remembering that this was _Louis_ , who had seen Harry in worse positions and definitely had talked to him about sex many, many times, who never, ever judged him or made him feel weird. It was _Louis_ , and Louis was everything. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“How often do you think about us having sex?” Harry let out a breath he’d sucked in before he blurted the question out, and stared, waiting._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Louis was stunned into silence for a moment, but then he let out a loud laugh, short and quick, obviously shocked. He squeezed Harry’s arm and sat up, never letting go of Harry’s arm as he sat up, preparing himself for the clearly eminent conversation._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Do you want the honest version, or the version I wish it were?” He asked with a light chuckle._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Uh - both?” Harry asked, not sure. He hadn’t really been expecting any kind of answer, so he wasn’t sure how to prepare himself._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I _wish_ I only thought about it once in a while,” Louis answered honestly, “but in reality, I think about it constantly. I can wait,” he rushed to add. “I can wait, and I’m _happy_ to wait, because it means that when you’re ready, it’ll be _so_ wonderful and beautiful, and I’m going to be able to make you feel so amazing, and just being able to do that is going to make _me_ feel amazing. I’ll wait fifty years if you need me to, babe; I don’t want you to start worrying about this again.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry couldn’t help but feel like he was going to burst into flames with the warmth Louis’ words gave him. To have a partner so happy to inconvenience himself for the happiness of his partner was such an amazing experience, and hearing Louis speak so honestly about it made Harry glad he was ready to show Louis how much he trusted him and wanted him._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I’ve been afraid for a really long time,” Harry began, but Louis interrupted him._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“To have sex? I know, baby, that’s perfectly fine! I _want_ you to take your time getting ready, to heal, to -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“No, I - Lou, shush,” Harry laughed, weakly slapping at Louis’ knee with his free hand when Louis didn’t stop talking. “I wasn’t - I mean, I _was_ , obviously, afraid to go all the way, but. I mean. Even more than that, I’ve had this...fear. That I didn’t ever tell you about.” Louis was quiet, now, so Harry swallowed and continued on, forcing himself to look Louis in the eyes even though he was finding it difficult to, because he hated that he’d kept it a secret from Louis, who only ever wanted Harry to be okay, face his fears, love himself, and heal. “A really big reason I never, like, got close with people physically - or, really, at all - I think was because I was always afraid there was _more_. Like, I didn’t realize it before me and you started dating, because, like, I didn’t - there wasn’t ever a need to embrace it, I guess. You know? Like, I never needed to face it, didn’t even really know all of _this_ was _in here_ ,” he gestured between his heart and his head. “I didn’t know it was there until I started, like, pushing my boundaries, which had always been so...tight, I guess. I never held hands with people, rarely hugged anyone, I certainly never kissed or - or messed around with anyone before you, or loved anyone. So, like, when I started doing that, my brain was like, ‘Hey, what the heck are you doing?’, and making me go kind of crazy because there was all that stuff I’d been through but never faced. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“And, like, since I hadn’t faced it because I didn’t realize it was even there, once I _did_ start realizing there was stuff I had to, like, deal with, I - I started worrying that…that maybe there was _other_ stuff I didn’t remember, or realize was there, hiding out. I mean, I’d all but kind of...not _forgotten_ what my dad did, but...like. I kind of - I’d pushed it aside/ If that makes sense? Categorized my thoughts and just kind of...avoided the box full of trauma. I don’t know if this makes sense, I’m sorry -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“You’re doing fine, babe,” Louis interrupted quickly, rubbing Harry’s knuckles with his thumb. He kissed Harry’s hand, never letting his eyes stray from Harry’s, listening raptly._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Okay,” Harry said, nodding. He took another deep breath and continued. “So, like. I was worried that there was more I couldn’t remember. You know, you always read about how, like, people block stuff out because their brains can’t cope with the data? If it’s too traumatic or graphic, or whatever. So, I dunno, I guess I have always been afraid that maybe there was...more. That my dad did stuff to me _often_ , or that he did more than what I remembered him doing, or - something. You know?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Louis nodded. He also bit his lip._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry reached up to tug the bottom lip from his teeth. “Don’t,” he said softly, smiling when Louis let his lip go and flicked his tongue out to soothe the pain._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Go ahead, baby,” Louis murmured quietly. “Keep going.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry nodded, and swallowed, and allowed himself to break Louis’ gaze for what he was about to say. “I was always - I’ve been afraid for a long time that I - that I couldn’t give you...what you want. Like, that… You know, when we do talk about going all the way, we talk about it as my first time, because nobody’s - but I’ve always been afraid, and I never told anyone, that you - that I wouldn’t be, like… That maybe Dad _did_ \- and that you wouldn’t. Be the first, I mean. And that that wouldn’t...it wouldn’t be the same. Because I’d done it before, and it wouldn’t be special because when I did it before, he - he’d ruined it, or something.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry heard Louis’ gasp and chanced a look up, immediately shocked and feeling guilty when he saw Louis had tears in his eyes. His mouth instantly opened to apologize, but before he could, Louis burst forward and put his hands on Harry’s face, sobbing a tiny sob - just one._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Jesus_ , Harry,” he said weakly, cheeks wet. He put his forehead against Harry’s, and Harry nearly went cross-eyed just to keep watching. His hands scratched gently at Louis’ kneecaps, the only thing he could think to do to offer some kind of comfort. He wasn’t sure where Louis’ head was at. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“The thought of - of giving a single fuck about if I’d ‘been there first’ is just - Jesus, I.Harry,” he said seriously, backing up to make eye contact as he held Harry’s face tightly between his palms. “Harry, I don’t care if I’m the first or the fifty millionth person to be down there, I want you to know that. I wouldn’t - I wouldn’t care, not at all. It’s not about being the first; I’m not an American in the race for space, baby, I’m your boyfriend, and I love you. Us having sex for the first time is about sharing an experience together, giving each other something intimate and private that only we get to have with each other; it’s not about me paving the way or reaching a landmark before anyone else in a race. It’s about us, and _only_ us. I was never - I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“No, no!” Harry interrupted, pulling Louis’ hands off his face to squeeze them because Louis looked _tortured_. “No, Lou, you never - I was just, like. This was a _me_ thing, it was something I just had to work through; you never _ever_ made me feel like I was a...a prize, to be won, or something. Ever. Promise.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Louis looked relieved, and Harry plowed on. This was an important conversation. “But, erm, so. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. So, I went and - I went and asked my mum, basically? And, I - I asked my mum, like. Because, she had me, like, examined, and all that? And they said there was never any - any evidence that my dad - Des, that he ever did anything more to me than just that one...the one time, and just - when he touched...you know. When he touched my - my penis. And, like,” Harry took a deep breath, remembering to look away._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Karen had been having him practice this thing where he looks at something twenty feet away for twenty seconds when he was starting to get panicky, and describe as much as he could. He didn’t feel like stopping the conversation to describe the clock on his wall in full detail to Louis for twenty seconds, so he just took a moment to himself before he moved on. Louis let him - probably knew exactly what he was doing, honestly._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“So, Mum said that they raised me with _really_ strict body, ehm, autonomy rules, or whatever, and so when Des m- when he molested me, it was… Like, even though it wasn’t….even though he didn’t _physically cause me pain_ , or anything, not _really_ , he - it was really, like, mentally, erm - what’s the word… Like, it was really shocking? Disorienting? It basically - because they drilled boundaries into me a lot, Mum said, always wanted to make sure I felt comfortable saying no, and that nobody could ever hurt me and think I wouldn’t tell my mum or dad about it, or anything, so when my own dad, like, violated that, it kind of - screwed me up, for a long time, because it was such a shock and so, like. Like, it rocked my world, kind of thing. Shook me to the core, or whatever. And that’s why....why it was so bad.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry stopped, then, giving Louis a minute to process what he’d heard so far. He watched Louis think on what he’d said up to that point, and when Louis nodded, he continued. “I’ve always been afraid that, you know, I would - I don’t know, really. It’s just...I think, like, knowing that I _didn’t know_ what happened, really...It always held me back, and I just couldn’t - I couldn’t. I couldn’t. I couldn’t - sleep with you, not knowing, you know, where my body has been, and not knowing if I would - if I would have another panic attack the moment we started, and it would be like a - like, ‘Hey, surprise, here’s another thing you didn’t know about yourself, and, like, here’s a really, really badly-times panic attack, here’s me, your brain, making you feel like a victim again!’ I think I would just die.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“That’s why I’m happy to wait,” Louis said, holding one of Harry’s between both of his smaller hands. Harry looked down and realized that his hand was actually a bit bigger than Louis’. “Because _I_ would die if I hurt you, or scared you, or made you feel unsafe. You know that?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He knew it - of course he did - but he was too choked up. Instead, he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Louis, holding his hands gently. Louis kissed him back, and smiled when Harry backed up again. “I love you,” Harry whispered._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Louis leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together, closing his eyes. “I love you, too, sweet baby.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry swallowed, keeping his own eyes shut tight. “I’m just glad those fears that were holding me back are gone,” he murmured, trying to hint at what he was saying. But Louis stayed oblivious._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Me, too, babe,” he said, rocking his forehead from side to side. “I’m glad you don’t have to worry about those things anymore. You’ve - you have come so far, and you work so hard to heal, and grow from what you’ve had to deal with. I know I don’t say it enough, but I am constantly amazed by you, and I am so proud of you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry smiled, feeling at peace. It was okay if Louis didn’t understand right now. He would remember this conversation when Harry was ready, and it would be okay. What mattered was that he had the love of his life right up against him, telling him how proud he was and how much he loved him, and that was enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______\---_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______The next day, Harry got up early to go to church with Louis’ mum and sisters. Louis pouted at being left so early in the morning, but Harry just laughed and kissed Louis’ lips, letting Louis watch him get dressed in his Sunday best. He left Louis in his bed, already drifting back to sleep, with a murmured, ‘Love you,’ and instructions not to sleep too late._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______When Harry went to the kitchen, Gran was already at the table, this time writing in a notebook._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Morning, Gran,” Harry greeted, making his shake so he wouldn’t get hungry during the sermon._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Morning, love. You look nice,” she observed._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Thanks,” Harry grinned at her. “I go to church with Louis’ family sometimes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Isn’t Louis going?” Gran asked, her thin eyebrows furrowing._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry shook his head. “He’s not much for religion,” Harry said. “I’m not entirely sure I am, either, to be honest. I mean,” Harry amended as he grabbed the lid to the blender, “I believe there _is_ a god, but...I’m not too sure about the details. Some of the stories from the Bible seem a bit, like. Far-fetched.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“The Bible stories are told in metaphor, darling, that’s why,” Gran said, sounding amused._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry looked up at her, scrunching his nose. “Oh, am I - I’m not offending you, am I?” He asked, concerned._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Gran laughed, shaking her head. “I’ve been an unshakeable Christian for my entire life. Your inoffensive questions and doubts are hardly enough to rock my world.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I suppose not,” Harry laughed. After mixing his shake up, he sat down at the table and took a drink._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“What do you want to ask, dove?” Gran finally said, looking up from her notebook, an amused and knowing smirk on her face._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“How did you -”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“A grandmother always knows, Harry,” she said with a smile. “Come on. Ask away.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry bit his lip. “Why would God let me be gay? If it’s such a big deal, I mean?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Well, that depends: is being gay a choice, or were you born that way? If it’s a choice, my answer is that He gave you free will, to allow you to choose who you are attracted to, or at least who you pursue. If you were born this way, I could still say He gave you free will to choose to - quote-unquote, _give into your temptations_. Or, I could just say that God isn’t actually all that concerned with who you like.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry blinked. “But what about, like, that Leviticus scripture?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Anyone who believes that Jesus died for our sins can’t use that scripture to explain why homosexuality is wrong,” Gran said without hesitation, “because Jesus died _after_ Leviticus, when all of God’s rules for how to live were listed out. When Jesus died, it was so that we wouldn’t go to Hell for doing those things, so all of those rules were null and void.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry...did not know that. “Guess I need to do some more reading,” he admitted sheepishly._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Gran reached over and patted Harry’s hand. “In due time, dove,” she said. “Now, there are other scriptures after Jesus died that say homosexuality is shameful, but - one, those were written by man as Jesus dictated them, so human error and bias could still taint those scriptures, and two, the Bible says these ‘acts’ were shameful sexual behaviors, not that they were sins justifying Hell - and, most likely, the sin was in that the men and women committing these acts were not married or in love, but that they were overcome with lust, which is a cardinal sin.” Gran folded up her notebook and sat back in her chair. “I can’t imagine how draining it must be to wonder if your very existence is sinful,” she admitted, looking sad. “I’m sorry you have to have this fight; I really am. I want you to remember, that, regardless of what you find you believe, God loves you - whether you believe or not, gay or not, nothing. God loves you, and nothing will change it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry swallowed tightly, but smiled, drinking his shake in silence as he thought to himself. “Thanks,” he said. He wondered what Gran would say if he asked why God let bad things happen, but he didn’t have time. “I have to go, or I’ll be late,” he hedged, feeling bad for leaving her all alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______She must have seen the guilt on his face, because she laughed and patted his cheek. “Go on,” she grinned, her wrinkly face happy. “I like having a moment to myself. Reminds me that I’m not dead, yet, and that I’m not too sick to be left alone anymore.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry put his hand over hers on his cheek and leaned down to kiss hers. “Love you,” he said, finishing off his cup and tossing it into the sink as he left._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______After church, which was interesting - the pastor was funny, and moved around a lot to keep it from getting dull, and the music was always upbeat and fun, though Harry never knew the words - Louis, Anne, Gran, and Robin met up with Jay and the girls in the park with a bunch of food and blankets. The girls went to play while the adults set everything up, and Gran got along with Jay almost as well as Anne did. It was nice to see his mum interact with Jay, Harry thought. Robin sat, somewhat ignored, as Anne chatted with Jay, cracking each other up and laughing into each other’s shoulders. Every once in a while, Louis or Harry said something to Robin, and Harry noticed that every time she heard Robin’s voice, Anne paused in her own conversation to smile at him and listen to what he was saying for a moment, even if it wasn’t about her or addressing her._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______During the last few months, Harry had begun to really see Robin as someone worth his mum’s time. Robin was a great guy, sure, but what Harry really loved was that his mum seemed to worship the ground he walked on, and that Robin clearly felt the same way. He was perfectly happy being ignored, because he was having a good time watching her smile with Jay and laugh with her mum. Every time Harry saw them together, really, it made him think of the similarities and differences between his own relationship with Louis._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______After lunch, Louis went home with his own family, and Harry with his, letting Gran drive Wanda (and regretting it, because she drove like Louis) home. Harry went out and did some Christmas shopping with Nick - since Harry took off a good amount at the bakery so he could spend lots of time with Louis, Harry hadn’t seen his friend for a while - and they finished up shopping for Gran. After a bit of hesitation, Harry bought Robin a few ties and a cookbook about different ways to grill meat._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Is it weird to get him a present, though?” Harry wondered out loud, biting his lip._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Why would it be?” Nick asked, playing with a meat tenderizer. “I mean, he’s your mum’s boyfriend; they’ve been dating ages, right? They’ll probably get married, eventually, even. I thought you liked Robin?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry felt a flutter of panic, but pushed it down. Nick didn’t know Robin and his mum were taking it pathetically slow for his sake; just because a normal couple would be getting married soon didn’t mean his mum would. She’d never do that to him, Harry was certain of it. “I mean - I do,” he hedged. “Like him, I meant. I do like him. It’s just…” Harry took a breath, irritated, and blew it out sharply. “Am I being dumb? Should I just get him the book?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Just get him the book, Hazza,” Nick grinned, putting down the grilling tool. “Now, _my_ dad is far less manly, so I need to go find him a book about philosophy, or something. Come help?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry snorted and moved on, tossing the cookbook into his basket as he went. It would make Robin and his mum happy, at the very least. And it might make him happy to see Robin’s happiness, too._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Hanging out with Nick always put Harry in a good mood. He was cool, but very silly and funny, and loved to make a fool of himself to make Harry laugh. Since meeting Louis, he’d also been a bit better about not touching Harry quite as much, which Harry was glad for. Nick was a bit more - tactile of a friend than Harry was used to._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______They got a snack and sat with their shopping bags, chatting and catching up, and though Harry itched to tell Nick what he was planning with Louis for tomorrow, he kept it to himself. It was private, he knew, and though Harry knew he had a right to tell it to the world if he wanted to, he also - kind of _didn’t_ want to tell anyone else. Niall and Liam were enough. He’d even sworn Niall to secrecy, making him vow not to tell Zayn. He wanted it to be a complete surprise. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______On the way home, Harry, with burning cheeks, stopped at a grocery store. He went and bought some food he was planning on cooking for Louis, some tea (since they could hardly have wine), and some chocolate for dessert. He spent five panicked, sweat-inducing minutes staring at different kinds of condoms before just buying five different kinds in what he assumed were the right size (did it really matter if they were ribbed?), and he bought the same kind of lube Niall had picked out when they went together. It had never failed him._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______As Harry scanned everything in the self-checkout, he felt like everyone in town was at the grocery store, watching him. He knew he was being ridiculous, though. He paid for everything and walked quickly out to the car, putting his bags into the passenger floorboard, and drove home._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______On the way home, he called Louis._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Hey, babe, what’s up?_ ”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry could barely even hear him over the loud noise in the background; he turned up the volume on his phone. “Nothin’, just heading home from shopping for the next few days. What are you girls gonna do tomorrow?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Er...tomorrow?_ ”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry frowned at the shifty tone Louis had. “Yeah, tomorrow. For your birthday, I mean,” he elaborated, brows furrowed._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“ _Oh! Right. Duh. Er, just, you know. Gonna have family time. I think I’ll be able to come over to yours for dinner, though, and spend the night - as long as I’m home for Christmas morning, Mum won’t mind._ ”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Harry was a little bummed at the clear message - don’t come over tomorrow - but then again, it _did_ help, if he could get everything set up by himself without having to work around Louis. He wanted it to be a complete surprise for tomorrow. “Oh, okay,” he said. “Can I come over tonight and sneak away in the morning, then?” He asked._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______There was a weird noise, followed by a ‘ _Shh, hush, girl!_ ’ while Louis coughed loudly, and then it sounded like Louis was huffing into the phone. “ _Sorry_ ,” he said, sounding out of breath, “ _The girls won’t turn down the damn TV. Er, Hazza, love, sorry - but the girls were hoping it would just be me and them, for a bit. I_ swear_, I can come over tomorrow. Meet you at yours around dinner time?_”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No, no, seriously, Lou, it’s okay,” Harry said, meaning it. He could live without Louis for one night. “I’ll see you at dinner tomorrow, of course!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“ _Sorry_ ,” Louis said anyways. “ _I love you, babe,_ ” he added. _ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed, giddy. “I love you, too, Louis,” he replied quietly. “Love you a lot; you have no idea.”_ _ _ _ _

_____They shared a quiet moment on the phone, but before either of them spoke, Harry heard a loud bang. “ _Louis, we need your help with her!_ ”_ _ _ _ _

_____“What’s - is everything okay?” He asked as Louis swore._ _ _ _ _

_____“ _Yeah, no, everything’s - everything is fine, sweetheart; I gotta go. I love you!”__ _ _ _ _

_____“Love you, too,” Harry said, but the phone went dead. Harry snorted at Louis’ spontaneity with his sister, and hung up the phone. He had a lot to do, anyways._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry called Louis the next morning. He meant to get a good night’s sleep so he could be well-rested, but he ended up spending hours online last night, researching and looking for ways to make tonight incredible, ways to keep it from hurting too badly, ways to make sure he wasn’t a complete and total idiot. He ended up getting about four hours of sleep, but decided it was good enough. So, when he woke up, he got dressed to work out with his teammates and had a short morning conversation with Gran, and called Louis on his way to the high school field._ _ _ _ _

_____“ _Hello?_ ”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed. “You sound _exhausted_ ,” he clucked sympathetically. _ _ _ _ _

_____“ _We were up really late last night,_ ” Louis explained. “ _How was your night_?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry blushed, and was glad Louis couldn’t see him. “Good,” he answered. “Happy birthday, by the way,” he added, thinking about Louis’ present he couldn’t wait to give him, followed by the special plans Harry had._ _ _ _ _

_____“ _Thanks, babe,_ ” Louis said. Harry could hear the grin in his voice. _ _ _ _ _

_____“So, see you tonight?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“ _Absolutely,_ ” Louis replied, sounding more chipper through his exhaustion. “ _I can’t wait; it’s so weird to be home and not sleep with you._ ”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry coughed. “I - yeah, I agree,” he admitted. “Alright, well, I’ll let you get back to sleep. I was just calling to tell you happy birthday, and that I love you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“ _I love you, too, baby,_ ” Louis said softly. “ _See you tonight_.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Bye,” Harry replied, and hung up._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry threw himself into the workouts for the day. Scot was there, as were Mikey, Mitch, Luke, and Ashton, but Callum had already left to be with family for the holidays. The rest of the boys were trying to take it easy, but Harry kept pushing them until Mitch threw up. Workouts screeched to a stop, then, and though Mitch kept trying to wave Harry off, Harry insisted he sit down for a few minutes. Mitch sat, looking sour, on the bench while Harry led the other guys through a few ladder drills, continuing to push them and encourage them even when their feet twisted incorrectly._ _ _ _ _

_____“Harry,” Mitch called, eventually, getting his attention._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry looked up, thinking Mitch was asking to be let up again, when Mitch nodded his chin toward the locker rooms. Harry turned around and saw Coach walking toward them, already nearly to them. “Er, you guys - keep going,” Harry suggested, and was relieved when they listened to him. “Hey, Coach,” Harry said, suddenly feeling weird about being shirtless. He bent down and stretched to grab his tank top, laying on the cold grass, and he shivered when he put it on, but instantly felt a bit better. “What brings you out here? It’s Christmas Eve.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Coach nodded. “I typically come up here Mondays to work on senior profiles,” he said. “I saw you boys out here working out. Saw Mitch get sick,” he added with a head nod towards the boy on the bench, watching them with nosy interest. “You made a good call, having him sit out for a bit. He’s probably good to go, now, though.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry nodded, and turned around. “Hey, Mitch? If you feel alright, you can get back in.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Thanks,” Mitch said, and hustled to it. Harry turned back around._ _ _ _ _

_____Coach was watching him with a calculating look. “I’ve only had to players ask me to schedule some work times,” he mused._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry flushed. “I - actually, I was just...up here; it kind of just happened. They figured out I was here, and asked if they could workout, if I could keep an eye on them.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Coach nodded, watching the boys work. “Why are they doing ladders?” He asked, frowning. “Those aren’t on the list.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, no, I know,” Harry rushed out, “they just - kind of do whatever I do, really.” Harry scratched the back of his neck, feeling awkward for some reason. “I swear, they only get credit on the paper for what they do on it; I’m not giving them credit for ladders. They just -”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Harry, it’s fine,” Coach interrupted, the corner of his lips quirking up. “You’re leading them,” he observed. “You’re leading them to do workouts they don’t even have to do. They’re doing them willingly.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Well, I told them ladders help me, and, like, that they help a lot with - like, with agility.” Harry coughed to clear his throat. “They were pretty much on board after that.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Coach nodded. He put a hand on Harry’s shoulder and squeezed once before dropping it back down to his side. “I’m proud of you, Harry,” he said, clearing his own throat. “You’re the best captain this team has seen since I’ve been a coach.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s face felt like it could explode. “I - erm - thank you, Coach,” he said, scratching his nose. “I - that really means, like. It means a lot to me.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No problem,” Coach said awkwardly, and Harry realized they had never really had a conversation like this. He turned, just like Coach did, to survey his teammates and watch out for any errors, but when he glanced at his watch, he realized it was almost noon, and usually time for them to stop._ _ _ _ _

_____“I, erm - it’s...we usually end at eleven,” he said to Coach by way of apology, gesturing toward his watch._ _ _ _ _

_____“What time do you get here?” Coach asked, brows furrowed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh, like - I start warm-ups by five-thirty,” Harry rushed to assure him, not wanting him to think they didn’t work hard._ _ _ _ _

_____But Coach’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “You work for six hours?” He cried, shocked._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s mind went blank. “I - we, erm - they -”_ _ _ _ _

_____Scot was already headed over, though, and he cut in, standing next to Harry and brushing shoulders with him. “He works for longer than that; we agreed we could all go until eleven,” he said solidly._ _ _ _ _

_____Coach looked around at the other boys, who were all standing around, panting or wiping off their faces with their shirts. When he turned around, Harry breathed deeply. He was _smiling_. “You boys agree to work out for nearly six hours every Monday morning?” He asked._ _ _ _ _

_____“Every _day_ , sir, except Sundays,” Luke corrected. _ _ _ _ _

_____“We take it easy on Saturdays, though,” Ashton added. “And on Thursdays, Harry just lifts, so we don’t always come.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry looked at his teammates - his _friends_ \- and felt proud as could be. Coach looked at him like he felt the same way. _ _ _ _ _

_____“Wow,” Coach said. “You boys better be in the best shape of your lives, when you come back to school,” he added. Then, he nodded, clapped Harry on the shoulder so intensely that Harry stumbled forward a bit, and left without another word._ _ _ _ _

_____Scot blew out a long breath. “That was intense,” he said lowly, and Harry nodded._ _ _ _ _

_____“I feel like it always is with Coach,” he said, making Scot laugh. “Thanks - erm, you know, for, like. For jumping in, there.” He blushed as he said it, feeling a little embarrassed._ _ _ _ _

_____Scot just shrugged, though. “It makes you nervous when he yells,” he said casually, like he wasn’t unraveling Harry’s inner thoughts. Harry’s face whipped up to make eye contact. He didn’t know anyone noticed that. Scot noticed, though, and smiled comfortingly as they started cleaning up. “It’s not weird, or anything,” Scot reasoned reassuringly. “Hell, makes me nervous, too. But, you know. It’s all good. You were nervous, we saw, we stepped in. That’s what friends do, man.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry blushed, pleased to hear that they were, indeed, friends. “Well, thanks,” he said again, giving Scot a smile._ _ _ _ _

_____Scot’s only answer was a responding grin, and Harry called practice, getting the rest of the boys to help clean up so they could leave._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____“What’s got you so worked up, hmm?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry jumped as he sliced open the chicken breasts, nearly cutting a finger off. Gran laughed and came up next to him, patting his shoulder. “Sorry, turtle dove,” she chuckled. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry set the knife down and breathed, laughing with her in spite of himself. “It’s okay,” he said. “I just - tonight is Louis’ birthday.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“So, you’re cooking him dinner,” Gran supplied._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry nodded, smiling shyly. “Yeah,” he said, “it’s his favorite meal. And then, we’re going to the Jungle -”_ _ _ _ _

_____“The jungle?” Gran asked, smiling confusedly._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry laughed. “Oh, it’s - this warehouse, his dad owned it, and Louis had it painted like a jungle. It’s, like - it’s our spot, basically.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Ah,” Gran said, nodding. “And you’ll - be alone, in this warehouse?” She asked._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry blushed at her tone, and he didn’t know why. “Er, yeah,” he said, nodding. “We’re alone a lot, though; we’re allowed,” he added, frowning. They were allowed to be alone; his mum never had a problem with it. But now that Gran was talking about it, Harry started having second thoughts. It would break his mum’s heart if she thought Harry broke the rules consistently and didn’t even care about how it made her feel._ _ _ _ _

_____“I’m sure you are,” was all Gran said, though, and patted his arm. She grabbed her cup and made her way back to her room, leaving Harry to finish cutting his chicken properly in peace._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____“Hey, Mum? Can I - can I talk to you for a minute?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Sure, come on in!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry entered his mum’s room and grinned when she whistled. “Stop it,” he laughed, but his mum stood up and walked towards him._ _ _ _ _

_____“You look _sharp_!” She said, straightening his tie. “Louis isn’t gonna know what hit him!”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his smile. After a moment, though, he bit his lip. “Hey, erm, after me and Lou have dinner out back, we’re going to our spot in town. You don’t mind, do you?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Anne frowned, confused, but then smiled. “Of course, not,” she said, brushing his arm. “You’re a big boy. I trust you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry nodded, blowing out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding in. “O-okay,” he said. “Just, like, checking. Gran seemed like -”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Don’t worry about Gran,” his mum laughed, shaking her head. “She forgets you can be trusted at sixteen, unlike me.” Her cheeks pinkened, and Harry laughed. Her face softened at the sound. “Is tonight - you know...the night?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry’s breath caught in his throat, but he coughed and eventually, he nodded. “How did you-?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Anne rolled her eyes. “I’m your _mum_ , Harry,” she said. “Plus, I - I _know_ you, and you’ve been looking like you’ve wanted to jump out of your skin for a few days, now.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry blushed. “I’m ready,” he said quietly, expecting to find opposition from his mum._ _ _ _ _

_____She just smiled, though, and nodded. “I know you are,” she said. “I’m glad you waited until you love yourself, though.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Me, too,” he replied. He hugged her, then, glad he had such a good relationship with his mum, and tried to convey how much he loved her, too._ _ _ _ _

_____“Oh,” she said, drawing the word out as she squeezed him tight. “I love you. Be safe, okay? And - I know you know this, but I have to say it - I can come pick you up if you need me, and - you know. Use a cond-”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Mum, I swear, I know all that,” Harry said loudly, letting go of his mum to clap hands over his ears. “I really, really don’t want to have _this_ talk,” he added, laughing. _ _ _ _ _

_____Anne laughed, too, and Harry dropped his hands, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Go woo your boy,” she said, only a hint of worry in her eyes. Harry took it as a win._ _ _ _ _

_____\---_ _ _ _ _

_____When Louis arrived, he looked delicious. Incredible. Harry wanted to devour him, right there on the front porch. He didn’t, though._ _ _ _ _

_____He brought Louis in, and they had dinner, which was _incredible_ , and they had tea, and they kissed a bit and left the dishes in the sink (Anne made Harry swear not to do dishes on a romantic night). Anne came in and gave Louis his birthday present from her and Robin, a membership to some club Harry had never heard of down by UNF, which Louis seemed thrilled about. Harry then blindfolded Louis and took him to his car. _ _ _ _ _

_____Harry helped Louis into the passenger seat, double-checked his blindfold, and turned the music on after giving his pouting lips a kiss. He drove to the Jungle, laughing as Louis screech-sang and holding his hand over the gearshift. Harry helped Louis into the warehouse, and only laughed for a bit when he accidentally let Louis trip._ _ _ _ _

_____“Sorry, sorry,” he said, as Louis moaned about a stubbed toe, only to admit that it was fine once Harry actually got a bit worried._ _ _ _ _

_____He led Louis into the Jungle, and smiled when he could tell Louis knew where he was. The noise, of course, gave it away, but Harry was fine with that._ _ _ _ _

_____“Can I take my blindfold off, now?” Louis asked. “I already know we’re at the Jungle.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“You’re a party pooper,” Harry teased, but he helped Louis take it off, watching his face carefully. Whatever Louis was about to say died on his lips as he looked around._ _ _ _ _

_____It’s not like the Jungle looked completely different, or anything. Everything was the same, except that on the shelves were dozens of small candles, tiny little flames all the same scent of warm vanilla that Louis liked so much. There were flower petals lining the door, so as soon as they took their shoes off, they’d be walking on little petals on the path to the bed. Chocolates were on a shelf, untouched next to Louis’ birthday gift, and Harry knew Louis couldn’t see it, but there were condoms and lube underneath one of the pillows, ready._ _ _ _ _

_____“Harry, what’s this?” Louis asked, voice a little shaky. He turned and looked at Harry with a million questions in his eyes._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry took a deep breath, everything he’d planned to say going out of his head immediately. “Well, tonight is very special, for a few reasons.” Louis smiled. “It’s your birthday, and I know me and you don’t celebrate it, but it’s Christmas Eve. I think it’s also the sixth day of Hanukkah, too, but it’s also - I, erm.” Harry took a deep breath and looked Louis straight in the eyes. “Louis, I’m ready to - to make love to you.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis’ eyes went wide, and his mouth opened and no sounds came out for a minute. Harry’s nerves returned tenfold, and it felt like hours before Louis’ voice found itself in his throat again. “Are you sure?” He asked. “Because if this is your way of giving me a birthday gift-”_ _ _ _ _

_____“It’s not,” Harry reassured him. “I’m - you already have an actual present over there; I just - I’m ready. I’m sure. I’ve been ready; I want this to happen.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Louis swallowed. “You’re absolutely positive you want to have sex? With me? Tonight?”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry couldn’t help but giggle. “ _Yes_ ,” he said emphatically. “I’m sure. With you. Tonight.” He bit his lip, then. “If - if you want to, I mean.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Of course, I do,” Louis supplied instantly. “Yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry giggled again, and stepped closer to Louis. He wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck, fingers playing gently in the baby hairs on his neck. “Okay, then,” he said quietly, looking at Louis’ lips._ _ _ _ _

_____“I should be the one wooing _you_ ,” Louis protested, and Harry kissed him. _ _ _ _ _

_____“I wanted to do this,” he said, and kissed him again. “I needed to be the one to do it.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“In that case,” Louis said, and never finished his sentence. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and began walking him toward the bed. The petals stuck to the soles of their feet, making them laugh into each other’s mouths, and Harry made a mental note not to do that again. They looked beautiful, but they weren’t very practical._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry stopped when Louis did, right as they reached the bed, and Harry tried to make his nerves invisible. Louis smiled softly, and he gently slid off Harry’s jacket, taking his own off, as well. Harry cooperated as much as he could, but each time his nerves tried to make him blurt something out, he just leaned forward and gave Louis a kiss, halting their progress. Thankfully, Louis didn’t seem to mind._ _ _ _ _

_____“Keep kissing me, it’s okay,” he said so softly, it was almost a whisper. “It’s okay.”_ _ _ _ _

_____Harry nodded, his lips brushing Louis’ as he did, too close to even make eye contact, so Harry kept his gaze down, staring at Louis mouth. He began unbuttoning Louis’ nice shirt with shaking hands, thankful that Louis stood still for it, his arms landing softly at Harry’s hips, thumbs brushing the pinch of baby fat he couldn’t seem to get rid of._ _ _ _ _

_____Once Louis’ shirt was unbuttoned, Harry gently slid it off Louis’ strong shoulders, and he raised his arms, watching Louis and waiting. Louis didn’t hesitate, but he did lean forward and give Harry a kiss before pulling back, and Harry kept his gaze on Louis as his shirt was lifted from his body, over their heads and off his arms, wrists, hands. Louis dropped Harry’s shirt carelessly, and his hands slid back down over Harry’s raised arms until they got to his biceps. Harry dropped his hands, then and placed them around Louis’ shoulders, while Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s back._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry was nervous, but at the same time, he knew he was safe, and he knew he was incredibly turned on. His penis was getting hard, slower on the uptake than usual probably due to nerves, but Harry wasn’t worried. He knew he’d get there. It was _Louis_ he was with, after all. _ _ _ _ _

_____They kissed and kissed and kissed, and Harry sighed happily, glad that even though he could feel how aroused Louis’ penis was, pressing against Harry’s thigh, Louis wasn’t trying to rush it, wasn’t overeager. He was taking his time with Harry, and it seemed like it wasn’t even completely for Harry’s benefit. It seemed like Louis genuinely wanted to take his time and have Harry fully, slowly, sweetly._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry tightened his grip around Louis, pressed his hips closer so that they touched every inch they possibly could, and he began kissing down Louis’ jaw, down to his neck. Louis whined shortly, and then he sighed, tilting his neck to the side while Harry kissed him, and Harry felt hands trace the muscles on his back and shoulders while Louis enjoyed himself._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry didn’t stop at his neck, though, instead bending at an awkward angle to kiss at his chest. Eventually, Louis chuckled and pushed Harry back. Harry had a moment’s panic, thinking chest-kissing wasn’t sexy to Louis, but Louis only smiled and hopped onto the bed, sitting on the edge of it. He spread his knees and held his hands out to Harry, an obvious invitation to invade his space._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry did just that._ _ _ _ _

_____He moved close to Louis, the bed swaying to meet him, and he stilled its swinging by grabbing onto the edge of it and holding it there while he kissed Louis’ lips. Louis wrapped his legs around Harry loosely, his feet tangling somewhere behind Harry’s thighs, and slipped him the tongue._ _ _ _ _

_____Heat coursed through Harry. Louis knew, he remembered, that Harry liked their tongues, which meant that he was trying to - to put the moves on him, or something. Harry was so overwhelmed that - even when Harry just asked to make love and go all the way for his first time ever with Louis, that Louis was still trying to - to seduce him, or something._ _ _ _ _

_____“Come back to me,” Louis invited quietly, a hand on Harry’s cheek. It anchored Harry, who laughed as he blushed._ _ _ _ _

_____“Sorry,” he said, shaking his head once. “I - I was with you, just not, like, in here.” He gestured around the room, and Louis breathed out a short laugh through his nose. “Sorry. I’m good.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Good?” Louis repeated, questioning, and Harry smiled._ _ _ _ _

_____“Good,” he answered, nodding. “Really. Really, really good.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Okay,” Louis answered, sounding a little breathless. “Good.”_ _ _ _ _

_____It made Harry laugh a little, giggling, and Louis joined in. Harry was giggling with his eyes on Louis’ legs until Louis nudged his nose with _his_ nose, prompting Harry to look up. Louis kissed him, his hands wrapping around to play with the baby curls at the very base of Harry’s neck. It was a very sensual, stimulating feeling, and Harry quickly felt breathless. _ _ _ _ _

_____He moved down to kiss at Louis’ jaw again, and nervously allowed his bottom teeth to scrape gently, experimentally, against Louis’ throat, and smiled privately when it earned him a quiet groan from Louis. Harry placed his hands on Louis’ thighs, still covered by his dress pants, and squeezed. He slid down, then, and sucked a small mark into Louis’ collarbone. Louis leaned back on his hands, threw his head back, and let Harry have his way, and Harry swallowed as he stared at the naked expanse of Louis’ torso. With every breath, Louis’ muscles moved, his body finely cut and beautiful. Harry kissed all over it, even licked at one of Louis’ nipples, which made Louis jolt and bring one hand to the back of Harry’s head._ _ _ _ _

_____Harry thought that maybe Louis had really liked it, so he brought his lips to the tightened nipple and sucked on it, and he let his tongue flick against it a few times. Louis’ back arched and a broken inhalation escaped, the sound intoxicating and desperate. Harry moved on down Louis’ torso, licking and then kissing random spots as he made his way. Once he reached the waistline of Louis’ pants, Harry looked up at Louis to see if he could - if Louis wanted him to._ _ _ _ _

_____“Will you - will you suck me, Harry?” Louis asked, his chest heaving and his eyes dark. His lips were bitten red and swollen, and Harry hurried to nod, glad he hadn’t even had to ask. He leaned up to kiss Louis while his fingers fumbled with the buttons on the trousers. He could feel Louis’ erection - he could see it, too, as Louis was just wearing boxers - and he took care to watch as he unzipped, not wanting to hurt Louis._ _ _ _ _

_____Louis laid flat to push his hips up so Harry could take off his pants and boxers, and Harry pulled down his clothes, all the way off his feet. He smiled to himself because Louis wasn’t wearing socks. Typical. Harry stood at the edge of the bed, pressed up into Louis’ space, running his hands up and down Louis’ legs, squeezing his muscular thighs. Harry wasn’t sure what it was about the muscles, but they made him <>so_ aroused, watching them flex underneath his hands as he touched Louis. _ _ _ _

____Louis propped himself up on his elbows, then, watching Harry stare. Aware that Louis was waiting with an erection for Harry to please him, he blushed at being caught just _staring_ \- but Louis wasn’t rushing him. Harry whispered, “I love you,” and grabbed his penis. Louis bit his lip. _ _ _ _

____“I love you, too,” he said hoarsely._ _ _ _

____Harry stared at Louis’ penis in his hand and felt his mouth water. He licked his lips, smiling a bit when Louis groaned, and opened his mouth to take it._ _ _ _

____He’d done this before, maybe fifty times at least. It was the same Louis, the same penis in his hand, the same feeling on his tongue, the same stretch around his mouth. It was the same taste - the same _Louis_ taste - and it was the same heavy breaths and moans from Louis as Harry sank down and pulled back up, tongue rubbing against Louis’ penis. Everything was the same, except that this time, Harry knew it was leading somewhere else. That thought was incessant, and Harry worried that he wasn’t doing a good enough job, suddenly, that he was so worried about making it good that it wasn’t good at all._ _ _ _

____Harry pulled off Louis’ penis, keeping his lips tight so he didn’t make a mess, and stroked Louis’ penis. “Am I - is this good?” He asked, flushing and feeling embarrassed for having to ask._ _ _ _

____“You’re doing _amazing_ , babe; it’s so good,” Louis said. He must have heard the slight tremor in Harry’s voice, though, because he suddenly reached forward and cupped a hand around the back of Harry’s neck. “Why don’t you come on up here, hmm?” He asked, pulling a bit until Harry started crawling up onto the bed, between Louis’ spread legs. Harry moved carefully, not wanting to hurt Louis. “Come up here, let’s get you out of your head. Sound good?”_ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, feeling embarrassed. “Sorry,” he offered, but Louis was having none of it._ _ _ _

____“You’d be crazy if you weren’t nervous, Harry,” he said, smiling. “And, hey - remember, it’s not too late to back out of this whenever, okay? I won’t be upset. Swear.”_ _ _ _

____“The - the idea was to, like. To make _you_ come, and then - and then me, and _then_ we...go all the way,” Harry confessed, and Louis smirked up at him. _ _ _ _

____“I can make that happen; don’t you worry. Alright?”_ _ _ _

____Harry smiled, then, and bit his lip. He nodded, and Louis grinned down at him happily, ready to make good on his suggestion and get Harry out of his head._ _ _ _

____Louis’ hands gripped Harry’s hips and guided him to straddle Louis’, and Harry tried to maintain balance on the bed as it glided side to side under their movements while he got comfortable. “Just move your hips, babe,” he said, and Harry felt a bit silly, but he did what Louis asked._ _ _ _

____Carefully, remembering that he still had his pants on and Louis was completely naked, Harry grinded his hips, moving them in circles and going where Louis’ hands pushed. Every once in a while, Louis’ hips moved up, pushing back against Harry’s, and the friction made him bite his lip. The first time he did it, Harry’s mouth fell open and the breath _whooshed_ out of him. “ _Oh_ ,” he whimpered, and Louis grinned. _ _ _ _

____“Feel good?” He asked, and Harry bit his lip and nodded. “Good,” Louis replied, and moved Harry’s hips the same way again and again._ _ _ _

____Harry shifted, trying to get more comfortable because his knee was slipping with the blanket on the bed, and the shift instantly made everything better. “Oh, my - _god_ ,” Harry pushed out, feeling like the breath and the words were punched out, straight from his stomach. _ _ _ _

____He leaned forward, bracing himself against the bed with his hands on the mattress just above Louis’ shoulders, and bore his weight down on it to make that friction happen again._ _ _ _

____“Fuck,” Louis breathed out, pulling down at Harry’s hips. The angle made it so that Louis’ hands were directly on top of Harry’s bum, and he grabbed as much as his hands could and squeezed, pulling Harry down in a way that gave him pleasure all over._ _ _ _

____“That - oh, I - Louis,” Harry babbled, grinding his hips faster, trying not to move so much that Louis got hurt by the fabric of his pants, but enough that they got the friction. Louis didn’t seem to care, though, because he simply grabbed Harry and held him tight, thrusting up towards Harry’s hips._ _ _ _

____“Shit, Harry, your mouth, I’m close -”_ _ _ _

____Harry scrambled off of Louis and, without hesitating, grabbed Louis’ penis and started stroking it. He fitted his lips around the head of it, his tongue sliding all over it where it was most sensitive. Louis grabbed Harry’s hair with a hand as the other fisted the blanket, pulling his hair a bit tightly. Harry felt the prickles of pain on his scalp and moaned, his eyes squeezing shut, and he pulled off just to rub the tip of Louis’ penis against his lips, knowing Louis liked to see it._ _ _ _

____“ _Fuck_!” Louis pulled Harry’s hair hard enough to tilt his head back, making Harry whimper, and Harry had just enough time to close his eyes shut before Louis was coming, strings of white falling across his face. _ _ _ _

____Harry, eyes still closed tight, felt his entire body light up when he felt Louis’ come on his face. His skin burned from the inside out as he struggled to come to terms with the thought that maybe he _liked_ come on his face, which - once again - he wasn’t sure if that was a normal thing people did, or, like, a porn thing. _ _ _ _

____“Shit, sorry, babe, I didn’t mean to -”_ _ _ _

____Harry felt Louis’ hands tilt his chin up, and Louis’ voice got cut off, his words sounding strangled. “ _Fuck me_ you look - are you okay?” Harry giggled at Louis trying to frame a coherent sentence while thumbs wiped at the come on his face. Once his eyes were cleaned off, Harry opened them and saw the obvious desire in Louis’ face. _ _ _ _

____“I - I really like it,” he admitted, and Louis licked his lips. “It feels nice.”_ _ _ _

____“The come on your face?” Louis asked, voice breaking, and Harry laughed again. He felt euphoric; nothing could touch him. Nothing could bother him. Louis thought he was beautiful, even with come on his face; Harry could tell._ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” he said, grinning happily. “I feel really good.”_ _ _ _

____Louis swore, and on a bold impulse, Harry opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, staring at Louis’ thumbs, which had the come that had landed over an eyelid._ _ _ _

____“You - you want it?” Louis asked. Harry nodded silently, tongue still lolling out of his mouth, and Louis swore again, but stuck a thumb into Harry’s mouth._ _ _ _

____Harry sucked his thumb into his mouth, tongue going across the pad of Louis’ thumb and wiping all the come off of it. Harry loved the taste of Louis’ come, and he moaned when he got it on his tongue. Louis watched, mesmerized, and traded thumbs so Harry could suck that off, too. He moved to wipe the rest of it off Harry’s face, but Harry moved back. “Not yet,” he said. Louis raised an eyebrow, and Harry started feeling embarrassed again. “Please?” He asked, biting his lip._ _ _ _

____Louis stared at him for a second, and Harry wasn’t sure if he was going to let him, so he was completely shocked when Louis swiftly rolled them over, Harry pushed onto his back. In a swift motion, Louis started attacking Harry’s neck in wet kisses, sucking and grazing with teeth where he felt the need._ _ _ _

____Harry moaned immediately, hands finding their way to Louis’ back, ready to scratch it up because Harry loved scrambling for purchase, loved seeing Louis’ back torn up because he always knew who did it and always knew that nobody ever got to see it but him. He’d never told anyone that, but even though he was a little embarrassed when his teammates used to whistle at the scratches on Louis’ back, Harry secretly loved it, thrilled at the thought of people knowing that _he_ did that to Louis, that Louis let him mark him up that way. _ _ _ _

____Harry’s nails made their way up Louis’ back while Louis sucked a bruise into Harry’s collarbone, and Harry nearly sobbed with relief when he felt Louis’ hands at his waist, unbuttoning his dress pants without even looking._ _ _ _

____“Gonna get my mouth on you; you want that?” Louis asked. His breath tickled Harry’s wet neck. Harry dug his nails in, making Louis grunt. “Want me to go down on you, get you nice and wet?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh my god,” Harry babbled wildly, getting lost in Louis’ words._ _ _ _

____Louis pulled back to take off Harry’s pants, and looked Harry in the eye when he did. “Fuck,” he breathed, and moved in to kiss Harry. It was messy and wet, mostly just Louis’ tongue licking along Harry’s in a way he hadn’t kissed Harry before, like he was making it his personal mission to drive Harry crazy with all the things Harry had ever mentioned in passing that he liked. It sparked something hot inside of Harry. “You look so fucking hot with that mess on your face,” Louis said, voice a little high pitched and eventually breaking._ _ _ _

____The words coming from Louis’ mouth seemed filthy, and Harry’s penis throbbed with every sentence. His hips jolted upwards, and Louis smirked. He pulled off Harry’s pants and slid his hands back up the entirety of Harry’s bare legs, up his thighs and up past Harry’s underwear. Harry didn’t even experience the jolt of unease he usually did when Louis’ hands were right next to his erection; just a tiny twinge, and it was gone in an instant because, when Harry looked up, Louis wasn’t staring at his penis; he was staring at _him_._ _ _ _

____“Can I?” Louis asked. Harry thought wildly and frantically, trying to make sense of what he was asking. Could he what? “Want me to go down on you?” Louis clarified, a bit of a laugh coming through his voice._ _ _ _

____“Yes,” Harry answered the moment he found his voice. He nodded and licked his lips, his hips getting restless with Louis looming over him this way. Harry just wanted Louis inside of him. “Please, yes.”_ _ _ _

____Louis grinned, leaning his weight on one arm to caress up the side of Harry’s ribcage. “Turn over for me, yeah?” He said. He bit his lip, and Harry noticed a bit of worry in his voice. “Think we can try that?”_ _ _ _

____Harry hesitated. They’d never - Harry had never been with Louis when he couldn’t see him. It wasn’t on purpose, he realized; they just never tried it. Harry had never thought about it, and now he supposed it had made sense for Louis to keep himself in Harry’s line of sight always. Suddenly, Harry wondered what other kinds of calls Louis had made for his benefit that he never even knew about._ _ _ _

____He nodded. “O-okay,” he said. Louis’ face softened, though Harry would still see the nerves there, and he kissed Harry’s forehead._ _ _ _

____“If you don’t like it,” he said, “let me know. We can do this on your back just as easily, okay?”_ _ _ _

____Harry smiled and touched Louis’ chest to get him to move. “I know,” he said gently, and he did. Louis would die before he made Harry stay uncomfortable. “I’ll tell you,” he added. Louis nodded, satisfied with Harry’s promise._ _ _ _

____Harry shifted, resting on his hands and knees with Louis behind him. He didn’t have time to wonder where Louis was or what he was looking at, though, like he feared, because the second Harry got still, Louis’ hands were on him._ _ _ _

____On his back, caressing down his sides, on his thighs, his bum over his underwear. Louis’ hands went all over Harry’s body, making him feel desired and wanted, _needed_ even. It took Louis about four seconds to put his mouth on Harry, kissing up the line of Harry’s back, up his spine. He crowded in close, making Harry feel covered and caged in, and he kissed the back of Harry’s neck. _ _ _ _

____“This okay?” He asked._ _ _ _

____Harry tried to bite back the moan, but it didn’t work. Being caged in that way was incredibly hot. Harry knew instinctively that if anyone else were draped around him in this way, this close, Harry would immediately feel panicked and terrible, but with Louis, it felt like Louis couldn’t even hold himself up, like he needed to be _on_ Harry everywhere and in every way he possibly could. Louis ‘breath against his neck was driving Harry insane. “Good, yes,” Harry breathed, trying not to wiggle his bum against Louis’ erection. “I - can you -”_ _ _ _

____“I’ve got you,” Louis promised, and slid back down Harry’s body, off his back. It felt cold without Louis’ body head._ _ _ _

____Louis hooked his fingers in the waistband of Harry’s underwear and started pulling down. Harry lifted one knee to the side, feeling a bit silly, like he looked like a dog about to mark a tree, or something, as Louis pulled the side of his underwear off, but Louis breathed out shakily, and Harry ignored his own self-conscious thought. Louis wouldn’t be breathing like that if he thought Harry looked goofy._ _ _ _

____With Harry’s underwear off, he was completely bare, and with Louis knelt behind him, where he couldn’t see, Harry felt a bit weird. He decided to give it a minute, though, because Louis was taking his time, staring at his body. Harry had certainly done it a million times._ _ _ _

____Harry jumped, a bit startled, when Louis pressed a sweet kiss against a cheek, making them both laugh a bit. Louis put his hands on Harry’s bum, on each side, and kissed him again. “Still good, love?”_ _ _ _

____Harry bit his lip, part of him wanting to just - like - _make_ Louis do it. “Good,” he said, a bit strained as he mentally envisioned rolling over and just - just taking charge, somehow. Maybe one day. _ _ _ _

____“Ready?” Louis asked, kissing close to Harry’s crack._ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, then realized Louis might not be able to see him from where they were. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m - please.”_ _ _ _

____Louis gave a sweet, sucking kiss onto Harry’s right cheek. “So polite,” he teased, but not unkindly. Harry huffed out a laugh, his toes curling and flexing, wiggling._ _ _ _

____Louis stopped playing, then. He separated Harry’s cheeks and moved in, the point of his nose resting at the bum of his tailbone and his lips aligning perfectly with Harry’s hole. He licked a flat, broad stripe over it, and Harry - Harry was pretty sure he was going to die._ _ _ _

____His body zinged and burned, floods of pleasure as Louis’ tongue moved over his hole. Harry - every time they did this, it was like Harry forgot how good it had been last time, and the time before that. Louis’ mouth was incredible on any part of Harry’s body; Harry was pretty sure he’d do almost anything to get it._ _ _ _

____Harry’s hand slipped in the blanket, then, and he fell down to an elbow, his bum pushing out against Louis’ face. The increased pressure, if only for a moment, made Harry feel wild. He moaned, broken and a bit higher than normal, and his cheeks burned with embarrassment, but Louis only tightened his grip on Harry’s bum, moaned, and pressed even harder._ _ _ _

____Harry shifted so he was on both elbows, then, his hands crunching and pulling at the blanket. His body got restless. He couldn’t help but rock back against Louis, and from the moans Louis was making, he didn’t seem to mind, so Harry let himself stop being self-conscious and let himself do what his body so clearly wanted. He denied himself contact to his penis, though - he wanted to stroke it so badly, but he knew that the moment he did, this would be over, and he wasn’t ready for it._ _ _ _

____With Louis’ ministrations on his hole, Harry’s jaw was already sore from clenching it and grinding his teeth so badly, and he started to feel like he needed something else. Something - “More,” he begged, absent-mindedly. He didn’t know what he was asking for, just sort of hoped Louis would, He trusted Louis to know instinctively._ _ _ _

____Louis moved back, and Harry wanted to cry. That wasn’t what he wanted. But he shouldn’t have worried; Louis only needed to ask a question. “Lube?”_ _ _ _

____Harry looked around wildly, trying to remember. “Pillow,” he said, sliding down and pressing his face against the bed, leaving his bum up in the air. Without Louis’ holding him, he felt like he was going to melt._ _ _ _

____Louis moved to grab the bottle, his breath hitching when he saw the boxes of condoms, Harry waited, watching Louis move back over to him on his knees, opening the bottle of lube. He poured it on his first two fingers, but paused to lean over and give Harry a kiss on his lips. Harry laughed and didn’t know why._ _ _ _

____It made Louis grin, amused. “What?” He asked, and Harry didn’t know how to answer, so he just laughed more, making Louis laugh with him. “All good?” He asked, as Harry’s giggles finally subsided. With his dry hand, he petted at Harry’s hip._ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, his face against the mattress. He sighed contentedly. “I’m great,” he said, smiling widely. Louis stared at him, his face soft, and Harry watched as an enormous smile blossomed across his face._ _ _ _

____“I love you so much,” Louis said happily._ _ _ _

____He moved back down the bed, not waiting for Harry to answer - not needing it, Harry supposed. Well, that made sense. Louis already knew._ _ _ _

____“I love you, too,” he said anyway, not looking back. He was happy where he was, feeling Louis get comfortable behind him._ _ _ _

____Louis kissed his bum again, making Harry snort and wiggle his hips. Harry got still, then, not wanting to throw Louis off his game any more than the bed was, rocking in protest of their movements. Louis ran a wet fingertip against Harry’s hole, and Harry tensed up instinctively until Louis murmured comfortingly to him._ _ _ _

____“There, we go,” Louis said quietly, and Harry whined as Louis’ fingertip slowly made its way in. The pressure was strange, but so good, and as much as Harry wanted to lose himself in the moment, the realization that Louis was doing this for _two_ reasons rather than for one hit him like a brick wall. _ _ _ _

____“Oh, god,” he said in a whisper, and then again in a moan, as Louis pulled his finger out, and then pushed it back in a bit further. It didn’t hurt, just felt a bit weird at this point, and Harry let his mind go wild as Louis worked slowly to open him up. Louis worked efficiently and smoothly, with Harry staying so relaxed, and Louis kept Harry distracted by peppering random kisses on his skin._ _ _ _

____“You’re so tight,” Louis groaned, desire coating his voice, and Harry flushed_ _ _ _

____“I can’t - I can’t wait to - to feel you,” he said back. Louis hissed to himself._ _ _ _

____“Ready for another finger?” He asked, and Harry nodded. “Touch yourself for a bit, will you? Just a few strokes.”_ _ _ _

____Harry didn’t know why, but he did anyway, wedging an arm down between his body. The angle was strange, but the feeling was incredible, and his broken moan only got louder when Louis pushed in another finger at the same time. “ _Oh_ ,” he called out, a bit loud, making Louis chuckle. The feeling of being filled up, stretched out, was perfect, and Harry couldn’t help but move his hips back, pushing Louis’ fingers in further. He wanted more. “Oh, please, Lou - please.”_ _ _ _

____“What do you need?” Louis asked, his fingers still moving at an even pace and spreading him open as gently but thoroughly as he could._ _ _ _

____“Get - please, I - I want more.” Harry’s penis throbbed as he said the words, and he assumed Louis would just listen and do it, but Louis just laughed and kissed his cheek._ _ _ _

____“No, not yet,” Louis said, his voice a tiny bit strained. “Let me open you up proper, okay? I’d die if I hurt you, and right now, it would hurt.” Harry moaned in response, and Louis kissed his bum again. “Almost there, love.”_ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, grateful, at least, that Louis wasn’t blinded by lust and willing to listen to him for the sake of moving faster. Even if Harry was begging for it. Louis’ fingers spread him out wide from the inside, gently prodding at all his walls in every direction. Louis angled his fingers up, suddenly, and hit his prostate._ _ _ _

____Harry nearly hit the roof. His hands slapped down on the bed as he wailed, his hips moved back toward Louis, his toes curled, and he pushed himself up and looked over his shoulder at his boyfriend. “God, _please_ ,” he cried, a sob tearing its way out of his mouth. “Please, Lou.”_ _ _ _

____Louis stared at Harry, mouth wide open and eyes big and dark, and he nodded. “Okay,” he said. “Alright.” He prodded relentlessly at Harry’s prostate, then, and Harry collapsed back on the bed as Louis fingered him open. He wasn’t sure if he shouted or not, but his throat hurt as the fire took over his entire body, come landing in a puddle on the blanket beneath him. His entire body shook, and Louis didn’t stop until Harry, spent, mewled weakly at him._ _ _ _

____“God, that was. You’re so beautiful,” Louis murmured. He pulled his fingers out gently, and grabbed Harry’s hips, letting him fall to the side. Harry’s breathing was too fast, but his entire body felt like he was walking through honey in January, making slow progress. “How are you? All good?”_ _ _ _

____With Louis’ help, Harry clumsily turned around onto his back. “‘M good,” Harry nodded. “I - I’m ready, right? I feel ready.”_ _ _ _

____Louis stared hard at Harry, and then nodded. He put a few pillows on top of each other, and patted them. “Put these under your lower back,” he said. Harry listened, and Louis knee-walked up between his spread out legs._ _ _ _

____Harry lay on his back, hips propped up a bit ridiculously, his arms bent up toward his hair, which was fanned out in several directions. His legs were flat on the bed, spread open wide, and he watched Louis’ every move. He watched Louis select a box of condoms, then tear off a single one. He watched Louis open it, take it out, and, with a shaky breath, put it on himself. Louis closed his eyes as he lubed up, stroking it over his penis, and then Louis circled the base of it tightly, clearly not wanting to come. Still holding onto himself, he sat back on his knees and stared at Harry._ _ _ _

____For once, Harry didn’t feel self-conscious at all. Maybe it was the orgasm, maybe it was knowing that Louis was actively trying not to come just by looking at him, or maybe it was knowing that they were about to make love for the first time ever, but he felt nothing but beautiful and very, very desired. He looked at Louis and wanted nothing more than to give him everything, himself included._ _ _ _

____“Come here,” he said, and held his hands out to Louis. “Come - come and - and take me.”_ _ _ _

____Louis closed his eyes tight, again, but he moved forward nonetheless._ _ _ _

____Harry felt Louis’ wet condom, and then the solid pressure of Louis’ penis, press against his hole._ _ _ _

____Louis hesitated. “You’re absolutely positive?” He asked, staring hard at Harry. He looked nervous._ _ _ _

____Harry wondered what he looked like, right then. Louis’ head was blocking the ceiling light in such a way that made him look like he had a halo of light around his head, and it seemed fitting. He looked radiant, even more than usual. He was sweaty, and a bit of his hair was sticking to his forehead, and he looked so nervous and unsure, but he also looked reverent, like he couldn’t believe Harry was real and in front of him._ _ _ _

____Harry nodded. “I’m sure,” he said simply. He took a deep breath, and his nerves just - disappeared. He wanted to give Louis what he had never given anyone, what nobody had ever taken from him, what Harry waited and waited to even reach, himself, and waited until he found the right person - until he found Louis. “Make love to me,” he said, feeling a little silly at the words, but he knew he couldn’t say anything else. Nothing else would fit what they were about to share._ _ _ _

____Louis leaned one arm down, near Harry’s shoulder, hovering over his body, and Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck. He pulled Louis down and kissed him, nodding at the same time and hoping Louis understood._ _ _ _

____He did. Of course, he did. Louis kissed Harry like crazy and kept slowly pushing in. The kissing was messy, because Harry kept gasping every few seconds as Louis’ penis stretched him open even more than Louis’ fingers had done. There was so much lube, everywhere, it felt, like Louis’d used half the bottle, but Harry didn’t care. He moaned into Louis’ mouth as their tongues brushed against each other, as Louis’ penis opened him up, as Louis’ chest pressed against his own, as Louis’ hand played with tips of his hair, as Louis’ back shifted underneath Harry’s fingernails._ _ _ _

____Louis moaned, too, and once he was all the way in, he stopped kissing Harry to rest his forehead on Harry’s. They stayed there, Louis bracing himself over Harry’s shoulders, their foreheads touching, panting each other’s breath, Harry feeling pinned and caged and protected and _full_. He tried to minutely work his hips around, but Louis groaned. “Just - give me a moment, please, sweetheart.”_ _ _ _

____Harry stilled immediately. “Are you okay?” He asked, scratching gently at Louis’ head._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, yeah,” Louis said immediately responded, looking up to give Harry eye contact. “It’s just - been a while, and you - fuck - you feel so good.” His voice went a bit breathless, then, and Harry felt himself flush with pride even though he didn’t really do anything. He was just a virgin._ _ _ _

____“You can - you can move. Whenever you’re ready,” he said finally, hoping it would be soon. He was dying to know how it felt._ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” Louis replied, nodding. He kissed Harry, then, so sweet and gentle, and Harry felt desire starting up seriously again. He felt his penis getting hard again and knew this was about to be incredible._ _ _ _

____Louis drew himself up again, bracing himself on his hands and knees, and moved his hips back._ _ _ _

____“Oh!” Harry was startled at how quickly he felt empty, with Louis’ penis pulling out most of the way. It was almost emotional, almost devastating, to go from being so full to so empty._ _ _ _

____“What? What?” Louis asked, freezing._ _ _ _

____“No, sorry, no, I just -” Harry babbled. “I’ll tell you, I promise, if it’s - it’s good; I just -”_ _ _ _

____Louis caressed Harry’s cheek, his other arm straining. “Hey,” he interrupted. “Slow down. You’re okay?”_ _ _ _

____Harry took a deep breath. “I - yeah, I’m okay,” he said. His breath was shaky; he wasn’t sure why he’d reacted so emotionally to Louis pulling out. “You - when you, like...pulled out, it -” Harry blushed, and Louis’ thumb rubbed over his cheekbone. “It - I think it made me, like, really sad?” Harry frowned, trying to understand his own reaction, and nodded. “Like, really, really sad, and, erm - and empty.”_ _ _ _

____Louis smiled. “Don’t worry,” he said kindly. “That’s why I do this.”_ _ _ _

____Slowly, Louis pushed back in, and Harry’s back arched in euphoria as he was filled back up in one smooth motion. His nails carved out trenches in Louis’ back and his mouth fell open on a loud moan. He was suddenly glad he’d done this in the Jungle, rather than one of their rooms._ _ _ _

____“Jesus,” Harry said, sounding strangled, and Louis just grunted._ _ _ _

____“Feeling better?” He asked, and Harry nodded before he even finished speaking._ _ _ _

____“Again, please, oh my god, again.”_ _ _ _

____Louis obliged, and Harry’s mouth opened, but he fell completely silent as Louis pushed into him again and again. Louis was being so gentle, Harry could tell, afraid to do too much or to hurt him or scare him. Harry rolled his hips experimentally as Louis thrust in, and cried out because it made Louis hit his prostate. He clenched around Louis’ penis, and Louis groaned, as well._ _ _ _

____“Shit,” he panted, and sped up a bit._ _ _ _

____The new speed, coupled with Harry realizing he was supposed to move, too, opened a whole new world to sex. Louis was still being gentle, even with the speed, but Harry could feel everywhere Louis’ penis was touching, prostate included, and it took everything Harry had to keep his arms around Louis’ shoulders. His arms started shaking, his hands losing grip on Louis’ sweating back._ _ _ _

____“Just let go, baby,” Louis panted, looking him in the eye. “Let go, lay back. I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you.”_ _ _ _

____Harry hesitated, but nodded, and let go, flopping back onto the bed as Louis pushed into him over and over again. With Harry flat on his back, Louis sat back on his knees and gripped Harry’s hips, using the leverage to thrust into him faster and a bit harder. Harry bounced upward, on his back,with every push and every rock of Louis’ hips._ _ _ _

____The pressure built, and so did Harry’s feeling of ecstasy, and he was ready to burn._ _ _ _

____As if Louis knew what he wanted, as if Louis read his mind, Harry felt Louis’ hands grip his hips even harder - hard enough to bruise. Feeling owned, and marked, made Harry cry out loud, high-pitched and broken._ _ _ _

____“ _Fuck_!” He wailed, his head thrown back. Louis leaned up and licked a long stripe up his neck, and Harry moaned low and loud, like every thrust of Louis’ hips was pushing the sound out of him. “I - Louis, oh my god, Louis,” Harry was nearly crying, and he finally reached for his own penis, circling it with his fist. _ _ _ _

____“God, that’s so hot,” Louis said, “Go ahead, get yourself off, baby, go ahead.”_ _ _ _

____It didn’t take much. Harry pulled on his penis only a few times before he came, a much smaller amount of come landing on his stomach. Louis slowed down, but Harry shook his head, fighting to open his eyes. “You didn’t - keep going,” he panted. He wrapped his legs around Louis’ bum, locking his ankles so Louis couldn’t very well pull out._ _ _ _

____Louis groaned, but nodded wordlessly, and he gritted his teeth, his lips pulling back in a hiss as he pushed into Harry relentlessly. Come pushed out of Harry’s penis each thrust, the first few, and then stopped. Harry let go, let his arms fall freely, and closed his eyes, focusing on trying to clench around Louis to make it better._ _ _ _

____“Oh, my god,” Louis panted desperately, gripping Harry even harder, enough that Harry whimpered._ _ _ _

____He opened his eyes and stared up at the love of his life, chasing his orgasm, and knew it wouldn’t be long. “Come for me, Louis,” he said quietly, wanting to see._ _ _ _

____Louis closed his eyes and obeyed, burying himself deep enough that Harry’s entire body was bounced up on the bed even though Louis was holding onto his hips tightly. He froze over Harry, and then collapsed like a puppet with cut strings, his mouth finding the crook of Harry’s neck. Harry, still a little dazed and already incredibly sore, wrapped an arm around to play in the curls of Louis’ baby hair, where he was sweatiest._ _ _ _

____“Oh, my god,” Louis said after a few minutes of them breathing heavily together. His voice was raw, and he pushed himself up to look at Harry, his blissful smile immediately turning to concern. “What’s wrong?” He asked, jolting upright. He was still inside Harry, and the movement made Harry bounce enough that he winced a bit, but Harry was more distracted by the fact that he didn’t know what Louis was talking about._ _ _ _

____“Harry, what’s wrong?” Louis asked, and reached up to wipe a tear from Harry’s cheek._ _ _ _

____It was then that Harry realized he’d been crying, that his cheeks were wet, and he sniffed and swallowed. “I -” He cut himself off; he had no idea why he was crying. “I’m so happy,” he said, his voice shaking. He shook his head and laughed. “Like, deliriously happy,” he added through laughter._ _ _ _

____Louis joined in after a moment, and he leaned down to kiss Harry’s lips. “You’re goofy,” he accused._ _ _ _

____Harry accepted the accusation, giggling as he nodded. Louis gave Harry a look of warning and propped himself up a little further, pulling his penis out of Harry slowly. It made Harry sad again, to be empty, but he knew he couldn’t exactly live with a penis inside of him, so he just sighed._ _ _ _

____Louis rolled to Harry’s side, taking off the condom and tossing it carelessly to the floor, and leaned on his side to give Harry kisses. “How do you feel?” He asked, paying close attention._ _ _ _

____Harry thought through the haze of his mind, searching for the right words. “I feel… so close to you,” he whispered._ _ _ _

____Louis’ face softened, and he leaned in to place a hand on Harry’s cheek, thumb caressing Harry’s face. “I love you so much, Harry.”_ _ _ _

____Harry closed his eyes and placed his hand on top of Louis’ and smiled. “I love you, too,” he said. He swallowed, then, and added, “Thank you. For giving that to me.”_ _ _ _

____“I was just about to say the same thing,” Louis said through a smile. When Harry laughed, he wrinkled his nose cutely and leaned in for another smooch._ _ _ _

____\---_ _ _ _

____Harry hadn’t wanted to go home, not at all, but he knew his mum and gran were expecting him - and that Louis’ sisters would revolt if Louis wasn’t there when they woke up. As Harry laid in bed the next morning, alone for the first time in what wasn’t really, but _felt like_ forever, the longest time, he catalogued his body. His bum was sore, but not unbearably as he moved around. His legs were sore, too, and his stomach - probably from tensing so much, nerves, and all that. Harry was undeniably aroused, already wanting it again, but he knew there was no way he’d get it today, too. Even if he weren’t going to be constantly surrounded by his family, Harry doubted Louis would do it again, reluctant to hurt Harry. _ _ _ _

____They had cuddled last night for hours, just laying quietly, talking about any and everything - the sex, football, making up silly scenarios that would never happen, things like that. Anything to be close to one another. Eventually, Harry had gotten up to get Louis’ present, crawling back gingerly to the bed and settling on a hip to take weight off of his bum. (Louis had, of course, noticed and clucked over him for a few moments, completely ignoring his present.) He reacted beautifully, though, when he opened it and realized he was looking at two passes to Disney._ _ _ _

____“You’re coming to Florida?!” He’d yelped, sitting up straight. “Really?!”_ _ _ _

____He smothered Harry in kisses, making Harry laugh from his belly. “It’s not until after school is over!” Harry called out eventually, grabbing the passes from him. “It’s not ‘til May - but yes, I’m coming to Florida.”_ _ _ _

____Louis had been buzzing over it the rest of the time they were together, and Harry was happy he’d picked a good birthday present for Louis. He’d felt a little guilty about a present also being for him, but he knew Louis would never go alone._ _ _ _

____A knock on Harry’s door disturbed him from his thoughts. “Come in,” he called, his voice scratchy._ _ _ _

____There was no answer for a moment, but the door opened wide, and Robin stood in the doorway. Harry reacted instinctively, gasping a tiny bit and jolting up, covering his bare chest. He immediately felt guilty, because he knew - he knew Robin would never - but his heart was too busy racing._ _ _ _

____Robin froze, though, and held his hands up, pasting on an obviously fake smile. Harry could feel the hurt from across the room._ _ _ _

____“I’m sorry,” he blurted, but Robin shook his head._ _ _ _

____“Don’t worry about it, Harry,” Robin said, and his smile seemed more real, this time. “It’s okay.”_ _ _ _

____“Just -” Harry swallowed. “Can you, erm - let me get a shirt on, okay?” He asked, hoping Robin wouldn’t look, so that Harry didn’t have to ask him not to._ _ _ _

____He got it. He looked away, and Harry breathed a quiet sigh of relief. He grabbed a shirt from the floor, not really caring that it was dirty, and was glad he wore shorts to bed last night. “Erm - you can come in,” he hedged._ _ _ _

____Robin hesitated. “Are you sure?” He asked, looking concerned._ _ _ _

____Harry nodded, though. He had gotten used to Robin’s presence, when he was expecting it. Robin had never been in his room before, but he was pretty sure he could handle it. His pace was still racing, but he could do it._ _ _ _

____Robin seemed to make a choice, though. “In the interest of keeping my first Christmas with you a good one,” he said, a small smile on his lips, “how about I stay right here? I only came to let you know that your mum wants you to come to the living room to open presents.”_ _ _ _

____Harry nodded. “Oh, okay,” he said. “I thought - I thought we were waiting for Louis, opening presents at lunch?”_ _ _ _

____Robin looked at Harry weirdly. “Harry, you know it’s 11:15, right?” He said._ _ _ _

____Harry glanced at the clock and yelped. “Oh my god, I don’t remember the last time I slept so late!”_ _ _ _

____Robin laughed. “It’s good to sleep in sometimes,” he said. He knocked on Harry’s doorway, and turned to head out. “Your mum’s making lunch; smells good. Come on when you’re ready.”_ _ _ _

____He turned to go, and Harry called out. “Robin - merry Christmas. I’m, erm. I’m glad you’re here.” He was instantly glad he said it; Robin’s face lit up like the tree in the living room._ _ _ _

____“Really?” He asked, curious._ _ _ _

____Harry nodded. “Yeah, really,” he confirmed. “I know it’s, like - I know it’s weird, and stuff, because of -” Robin tilted his head in acknowledgement when Harry flapped his hand aimlessly - “but, year. I’m really glad you’re here. You’re - you know, you, like... “ Harry took a deep breath, aware of what he was saying and the importance of it. “You’re supposed to be here,” he said. “I mean, like. You - belong. Here.”_ _ _ _

____To his horror, Harry watched as Robin stared at him long enough to see his eyes water. Robin didn’t seem ashamed, though, to have tears welling up in his eyes. “Harry,” he said, his voice a little shaky. “Harry, if you really mean that, then - you have no idea how much that means to me. Truly. I - thank you.”_ _ _ _

____Harry wondered what Robin had cut himself off from saying, but he nodded anyway, a little touched. He hadn’t realized Robin didn’t already know that he felt like Robin was part of their little - group. “I do,” he offered. “Mean it, I mean.”_ _ _ _

____Robin nodded, taking a breath to hold in a sob, and cleared his throat. “Thank you,” he said. He gave Harry a brilliant smile, making Harry feel hot under the collar from being the sole focus of Robin’s attention for so long. He smiled back, though, and Robin turned to go, shutting the door behind him. Harry still heard when he sobbed in the living room, and he heard, as he stood with his feet glued to the floor, when his mum came into the living room, asking Robin what was wrong with only a little urgency in her voice. It was like she instinctively worried about Harry, but she also knew Robin wouldn’t - that Harry was okay, if Robin was crying. At any rate, she stayed long enough to hear Robin’s story, and she didn’t come running to Harry’s door, guns blazing._ _ _ _

____Harry was brushing his hair with his fingers when his mum knocked on his door. “Come in,” he said._ _ _ _

____Anne came in the door with a soft, thankful smile. “Robin belongs?” She asked without preamble, and Harry blushed._ _ _ _

____“I’m not - it’s not like I’m calling him my father, or anything,” he mumbled, but he wrapped his arms around her when she hugged him nonetheless._ _ _ _

____“I don’t need you to do that, baby,” she said honestly. “He’s not your father; he never will be.”_ _ _ _

____“Thank god for that,” Harry said, a little sad that he felt that way._ _ _ _

____“Well - I didn’t mean it that way, but - yeah.” Anne said. “I meant more, like, he’s never going to be your father because he’s not the person who created you.” She wrinkled her nose a little at the weird words, but Harry understood._ _ _ _

____“I wouldn’t - I invited him into my room this morning,” Harry said. Anne’s eyes went wide, and a little worried. “He said no, though.”_ _ _ _

____Anne watched him curiously. “How did that - make you feel?”_ _ _ _

____“Oh, no, I’m fine,” Harry rushed to assure her. “I’m not hurt, or anything, like. He just didn’t want to risk messing up his first Christmas here, so. That makes sense.”_ _ _ _

____Anne nodded. “I - he told me he loves me, like, a few months ago. Like, that he’s genuinely in love with me, that he wants to stay together forever.” Harry nodded, aware that she was watching him carefully and curiously. Slowly, she asked, “What do you think about that?”_ _ _ _

____“About you two staying together? Or, like. Are you asking me something different?” Harry felt like it was definitely something different, and though he was happy his mum was happy, he definitely didn’t want anything to change, yet..._ _ _ _

____“Nothing immediately, don’t worry,” Anne rushed out, patting at Harry’s arm. “Just - are you happy? With - the situation? Me, having Robin?”_ _ _ _

____Harry furrowed his brow. “Of course, Mum,” he replied. He’d thought that was obvious. “I - you know, I never… I never _wanted_ you to be lonely; I just never realized you _were_ before.” His voice broke a little as a lump grew in his throat, and his mum smiled at him._ _ _ _

____“I wasn’t lonely, Harry; not with you around. At least, I didn’t know I was - not until I met Robin.” A blush formed on her cheeks and she dropped her gaze to the floor. “Is it okay with you that I - last night, I said it back to him?”_ _ _ _

____Harry’s eyes grew, now. “What, you told him you loved him for the first time last night?” He asked, a surprised laugh finding its way from his throat. Anne nodded. “ _Mum_ , I thought you’d said it already; are you serious?!” Anne laughed, a little shocked, as Harry did. “That poor man, you’ve kept him dangling along all this time”, he teased, cheesily elbowing her just to make her laugh more. He loved seeing her looking delighted, her eyes all squinty and her bottom lip tucked up under her teeth as she smiled. Harry watched her happiness for a moment, and then said, “Really, though. Haven’t you loved him for a long time?”_ _ _ _

____Anne bit her lip and looked down again. Harry nudged her arm and she looked up, and nodded her head quickly. “I - yeah, I have, but it’s not…” She took a deep breath to gather her thoughts - Harry realized, in that moment, that his weird, jerky, and hesitant speech mannerisms must all come from her. “When you have a kid, it’s not just about you, Harry,” she said. “I love Robin, yes. But don’t you dare think for a second that if he ever hurt you, or - or even if he didn’t, but you wanted me to, if you were uncomfortable with it - if you wanted out, I’d leave Robin in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t hesitate. I wouldn’t look back. I wouldn’t regret. I would just leave.”_ _ _ _

____Harry searched her face, which had grown fierce, and after looking, he nodded somberly. He believed her._ _ _ _

____Anne took his hands and squeezed them tight. “You are my best and biggest love; no man will ever come before you. Not your father, not Robin - not even God himself.”_ _ _ _

____Harry nodded again. “Don’t let Gran hear you say that, though,” he muttered, and his mum rolled her eyes._ _ _ _

____“She would say the same thing about you, you know,” she corrected. “I mean it, though. At any time, if you change your mind-”_ _ _ _

____“Mum,” Harry interrupted, and then paused. He didn’t know what to say, only that he didn’t want her to continue worrying. “Robin is...great. I’m - I like his company. He makes you happy. He’s nice. He’s smart, he helps out with Gran because he wants to, he treats you well, he respects my boundaries and never, ever challenges them… He’s a good guy. I don’t want my own hang-ups to get in the way of your happiness. But I will,” he said, raising his voice over his mum’s objections, “let you know if I stop being content. I’ll tell you. I promise.”_ _ _ _

____Anne nodded, and blew out a breath. She let go of his hands, then, and wiped under her eyes. “Okay, then,” she said. “Let’s - let’s go out, then, and join everyone. Louis’ almost here, or should be; he texted before I came in. He’s excited to give you your present.” Her smile was mischievous, and Harry felt excited. Louis was an excellent gift giver._ _ _ _

____“Let’s go get ready for him, then,” he said, grinning in response._ _ _ _

____Lunch wasn’t anything particularly spectacular, but Louis showed up just as they finished eating and called Robin out of the room._ _ _ _

____“No, no,” Louis called as Harry made to stand up and help with whatever Louis needed. “You go and enjoy your Christmas lunch. Robin and I have last-minute touches to finish up for a minute. Be back in a sec.”_ _ _ _

____Harry was suspicious, but he knew it must have something to do with someone’s resent from Louis, so he let it drop and didn’t snoop - even though he wanted to._ _ _ _

____They moved on quickly, then, and instead of the usual routine of having Harry pass out all the presents before they started opening them, he noticed there were already piles. Harry’s pile was relatively large, several boxes; Anne’s had a few, but more gift bags than anything else. Robin only had a few, but he still looked excited when he emerged from the hallway Harry and Gran’s rooms were situated on. He looked a bit winded, too, actually, and Harry’s eyes narrowed when he noticed that Louis looked winded, too._ _ _ _

____“Ready?” Louis asked, clapping his hands. “Excellent,” he shouted, even though nobody answered. Harry laughed and sat down in front of his pile. “I think we should go oldest to youngest; how do you feel about that, Anne?”_ _ _ _

____They usually just took turns opening Christmas presents, Harry and his mum, but Anne smiled and nodded, and Gran clapped._ _ _ _

____“Means I don’t have to wait any longer!” She cheered, and everyone chuckled at her glee._ _ _ _

____Gran’s presents were pretty typical, except for Louis’, who got her a full tool kit. She was actually ecstatic about it, which caught Harry by surprise; apparently, on one of their ‘dates’, Gran had mentioned that she didn’t like to feel helpless and missed messing around on her machines from back when she was a mechanic, before she got sick._ _ _ _

____“You’re also going to get a few small machines, robots and stuff like that, shipped here every month,” Louis told her. “They’re pretty simple, to be honest, but it’s all about promoting S.T.E.M. projects, so I figured you’d like it.”_ _ _ _

____Gran’s face lit up, though, and she got up to hug Louis tightly, kissing him on the cheek enthusiastically. “Thank you,” she said, sounding a bit emotional. Louis blushed a bit under the attention, making Harry laugh._ _ _ _

____Robin was next, and he loved Harry’s presents, thanking him sincerely from where he sat on the floor. Gran got him some computer program software Harry didn’t understand, and Louis got him a biography of Steve Jobs he seemed really excited about. Robin didn’t say anything about Anne’s lack of present, but when he finished his pile, Harry’s mum stood up. “Your present’s in the backyard,” she said, sharing a secretive grin with Harry._ _ _ _

____A few weeks ago, Anne had approached Harry after Robin had left for the night and asked him to sit with her and brainstorm ideas for Christmas for Robin. Harry had carefully mentioned that Robin seemed to enjoy cooking for Harry and Anne, and that he talked about grilling often - it was actually where Harry had gotten the idea to get Robin the grilling book - and asked hesitantly if she thought it would be a good idea to get Robin a grill to leave at their house, since he didn’t think Robin would use it much at his own place. “He’s always over here for dinner, I mean, and he doesn’t really have time to _grill_ , like, for lunch,” he’d said. Anne had been surprised that Harry suggested it, which had confused Harry, but, well. He supposed now, with their relationship clearly getting more serious, it made sense. She was surprised because getting Robin a grill to stay at their place was obviously a suggestion that Harry was okay with things becoming more permanent, or fixed. _ _ _ _

____They all walked out into the backyard, and it was right outside, on the patio - big red bow, and everything. Robin gasped and hugged her, then rushed over to check it out and fiddle with all the controls. “Anne, this is amazing, thank you so much!” He said, his voice a little gruff even though his words didn’t hide any of his emotion. “Thank you, love!” He laughed, then. “Good thing I brought the truck, then, so I can take this home tonight!”_ _ _ _

____“Oh,” Anne said, biting her lip. She looked at Harry, who nodded with a smile for reassurance that, _yes_ , he was okay with it still, and grabbed Robin’s hand with both of hers. “Actually, me and Harry were - were thinking you could keep it here? If you wanted, obviously.” Robin didn’t answer, just moved over to look at Harry, questions in his eyes. Gran’s eyes watered, and Louis grabbed her hand and stood closer to Harry. Harry nodded again, and Anne started nervously babbling again. “We thought you might like to grill, because you talk about it a lot, so maybe you could grill for us if you wan-”_ _ _ _

____“I’d love to,” Robin interrupted, his voice quiet. He leaned in and kissed Anne’s cheek, then, and cupped her face in his hands. “I would love to keep it here and grill for you. I could - I could use Harry’s book. Try those new recipes,” he added, looking over at Harry. His face was guarded, careful, but Harry saw his eyes - which weren’t scary to look at, anymore, because they were always so kind - were full of something different than normal. Harry couldn’t quite place it, but it seemed comforting to him, in some way._ _ _ _

____They all went back inside after a minute, and Anne opened her presents. Robin had gotten her the best present, by far, Harry thought: his company had partnered with the charity she worked with and donated gently-used laptops for free to the survivors of abuse her charity serviced, and he also drew up a contract, signed by himself as owner of the company and needing only a signature from her, as the beneficiary, agreeing to accept the computers and agreeing that Robin would donate as many as were needed for not only the men and women who walked through her shelter, but also the children once they turned fourteen, so that they could also get school work done. The sole condition was that Robin could program them in ways to protect them from being traced, so that their abusers couldn’t find them, and that Anne couldn’t have the program removed._ _ _ _

____Anne had cried so hard and she threw her arms around Robin’s big, broad shoulders, and Harry even got choked up, getting as brave as to approach Robin and squeeze his forearm to get his attention to thank him. Robin nearly flinched in surprise, but his smile was enormous, and he nodded Harry’s thanks away. Harry grinned at him until he sat back down._ _ _ _

____Louis’ turn was next, and Gran, who clearly had taken a shine to all things Louis Tomlinson, got him a guitar and a book of basic chords. Louis immediately got distracted, fiddling with it until Harry, laughing, reminded him that he had more presents to open._ _ _ _

____“Right!” Louis said, laughing sheepishly as he lovingly, carefully put the guitar back in its case._ _ _ _

____Anne got him a key to their house, which she blushed at. “I know normally, it’d be Harry to give you a key to his house, but well, since it’s not his house to give you a key to, I decided it was time you realized for sure that we’ve accepted you into our family, whether you’re married or not. At this point, you know...you’re family. And we love you.”_ _ _ _

____Louis made his cry face, even though he wasn’t crying, and thanked her profusely as he made his way to add their house key to his keyring. Harry was touched by the gesture, having had no idea what his mum was going to get him, and he thanked her, too._ _ _ _

____He reached for the box from Harry - a small, square box, and Harry’s heart rate picked up. He wasn’t sure how Louis was going to feel about this, and that made him a little nervous. Louis opened up the wrapping, which was meticulously done, if Harry could toot his own horn, briefly, and when he saw the velvet, he paused. “Harry,” he said, voice only a little shaky, but very emotionally-charged._ _ _ _

____“Open it,” Harry murmured, rubbing his thumb on Louis’ leg._ _ _ _

____The box was obviously a ring box, so Harry definitely lost the element of surprise, but he wasn’t upset about that. Robin watched with wide eyes, and Anne gasped, when Louis opened the box, anyway, and they all saw the ring._ _ _ _

____It wasn’t heart-stoppingly beautiful, or even incredibly unique, but it fit, Harry thought._ _ _ _

____It wasn’t the same color as the Touch pendant; instead, it was completely black except for two thin gold lines on the sides of it, and on the top, painted on in the same gold, was the phrase, ‘I will always be with you’. Louis wasn’t breathing as he lifted it out of the box, and saw, engraved on the inside, were the words, ‘You Are Loved’. This engraving was less noticeable, because there was no gold; it was the same black, just indented into the metal._ _ _ _

____The room was silent as Louis stared at the ring, holding it gingerly. Harry’s heart was pounding as he watched Louis carefully. The silence played on._ _ _ _

____“I - it’s not an engagement ring,” he said stupidly, blabbering nervously, just like his mother. “Like, it’s a - a promise ring. For you. From me, I mean. Obviously. Just, like - so that, you know, if you decide to wear it, you can see it and have a reminder that, like, I’m - you know, like. That I’m...yours.” He whispered the last word, his cheeks blushing. “In every way,” he added, still whispering._ _ _ _

____Louis looked up at him, finally, after that, and his lips curved into a smile. He nodded. “ _If_ I wear it?” He questioned. _ _ _ _

____“Well, yeah,” Harry said, “like, you don’t - you don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to; I was just-” Harry’s explanation died on his lips as Louis slid the ring onto his ring finger on his left hand, exactly where, Harry hoped, an engagement ring, and then a wedding ring, would eventually sit. It looked perfect._ _ _ _

____Louis leaned forward, then, and kissed Harry - right on the mouth, in front of everyone, hands clasped around Harry’s cheeks, and all. Harry’s face went red and Gran whooped, goofily, and when Louis finally ended the kiss, Harry was panting a little. Louis rested his forehead against Harry’s, eyes closed, but Harry saw him smiling. “I love it,” Louis told him, and Harry grinned, too._ _ _ _

____“I’m glad,” he whispered back._ _ _ _

____They shared a moment, and Louis squeezed him, and then they both remembered the others were there, in the room with them._ _ _ _

____“Sorry,” Louis said, laughing, and reached for the rest of his pile._ _ _ _

____Robin got Louis a few pairs of compression socks and a muscle roller, which made Louis laugh. “I could’ve used this over this last semester!” He exclaimed._ _ _ _

____Finally - _finally_ \- it was Harry’s turn. His mum bought him an iTunes gift card, some new headbands, and a few shades of nail polish. Though he was grateful for them, opening the polish in front of everyone made Harry blush; he didn’t know if Robin had noticed his painted nails from time to time, or if Gran had, or what either of them would say if they had. _ _ _ _

____He didn’t have to worry, though._ _ _ _

____“The black one will look cool,” Robin said haltingly, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to comment on them._ _ _ _

____“You think so?” Louis asked, curiously._ _ _ _

____Robin nodded. “Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat, “kind of - rocker vibe. Can’t go wrong with red, though,” he added, nodding to the vibrant red in Harry’s hand, next to the black._ _ _ _

____“I’m partial to the green, myself,” Gran hummed thoughtfully._ _ _ _

____Harry blushed and coughed. “Hard to please everyone” he joked, voice a little shaky, and everyone laughed._ _ _ _

____“Just do it for yourself, then, turtle dove,” Gran replied, voice singing and arms spread wide in the air like she was doing some sort of nature-dance. Harry laughed happily and smiled._ _ _ _

____“I’ll do that,” he promised, and it made her happy._ _ _ _

____“Open mine next,” she urged. Harry laughed, but he did, grabbing the box she wrapped for him. He carefully tore off the wrapping paper, and out came a book with ribbons tied around it, covering the title, but Harry already knew what it was._ _ _ _

____“Oh,” he breathed out quietly when the flat, wide ribbons fell away, revealing an obviously very old, worn and weathered, leather Bible. Harry opened the book and there, on the front page, was the name ‘John Michael Cox’, in messy cursive scrawl. Harry looked up at his gran. “This was Grandpa John’s,” he said softly, letting out a breath when she nodded._ _ _ _

____“ _Mum_ ,” Anne said, gasping at Gran, and Harry agreed with the sentiment. _ _ _ _

____Grandpa John had been the absolute love of Gran’s life, but he’d died when Harry was only a tiny baby. Harry’s mum had told him once that, if she ever had another baby, she would name it after his granddad. Since Grandpa John had died, though, Gran had never given anything of his away. She never donated his old clothes, or books, or even his fishing gear - nothing. She’d stubbornly kept holding on to it._ _ _ _

____All at once, Harry was aware of Louis and Robin waiting silently, not understanding the complexity and magnitude of this gift. Harry let them wonder; this was something they wouldn’t be able to understand. _Harry_ barely understood it, only knew that Gran never loved anything more than she loved Grandpa John. _ _ _ _

____“Are you sure you want me to have this?” He asked uncertainly. He wasn’t sure he could live up to his granddad’s legend, and was positive his faith wasn’t strong enough to do it. “I’m not even – I don’t –“_ _ _ _

____“He wanted you to have it,” Gran said. Her eyes looked watery, and Harry swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. He hoped she didn’t start crying. He hoped _he_ didn’t start crying. _ _ _ _

____“What?” Anne asked, brows furrowed._ _ _ _

____Gran nodded. “When you told him you were pregnant with Harry, he started going through his Bibles and picked out his favorite one.” To Harry, she added with a proud smile, “My Daddy bought that Bible for John when we told him we were going steady; said only a man of God could handle me.” Harry laughed softly, staring at the book in his hands, running his fingers over it. “He started going through and marking different verses he found strength or comfort in, things he knew he wouldn’t be able to teach Harry himself. He kept it at his side constantly, making notes in margins and jotting down ideas he thought up, random notes. I haven’t ever looked through it; it didn’t seem right.”_ _ _ _

____Harry opened up a random page and started looking at highlighted words, underlined texts, and notes in the margins. He turned the page and saw a messy scrawl he assumed to be his granddad’s._ _ _ _

_____HARRY – you were born yesterday, and I had to fight your mother AND grandmother to let me hold you for the first time just this morning. You were so small, but strong! No matter what happens, always remember Romans 8:18. God will never lead you through anything you can’t get through on your own. JCox_ _ _ _ _

____Harry could hear Gran telling Robin and Louis things about Grandpa John, and as much as he wanted to hear – he didn’t know much about the man, only that he was his mum’s hero and an amazing person, apparently – he tuned them out and focused on finding Romans 8:18. Finally, he found it, and frowned. _For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us._ He felt like it should be speaking to him, but he didn’t really understand it. He marked the page with the small piece of ribbon glued to the spine and decided to ask about it later, or look at it when there wasn’t so much happening around him. “Thank you, Gran,” he said, heartfelt._ _ _ _

____She just smiled at him. “You’re welcome, dove,” she answered._ _ _ _

____“Here’s my present, Harry,” Robin said, and gently pushed over a box._ _ _ _

____Harry ripped it open carefully and found a book - _Therapy Dogs for Dummies_. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but he didn’t get why Robin would pick it. Underneath the book, still in the box, was a pamphlet. He picked that up as well, and opened it up, searching for information to make sense of it. Maybe Robin thought he should go to a different therapist? _ _ _ _

____As he read, though, it looked like Robin had signed him up for sessions with a therapy dog, some sort of training. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about Robin clearly having an opinion about his therapy – Karen was amazing – but he appreciated the gesture, all the same. He loved dogs._ _ _ _

____“Thanks, Robin,” he said, trying not to sound confused. Everyone chuckled, though, and Harry felt that maybe he wasn’t so successful._ _ _ _

____“Why don’t you go grab your present, Louis?” Anne suggested._ _ _ _

____Harry looked at his boyfriend and noticed that he was practically vibrating in his spot on the floor. He jumped up at Anne’s request, though, and ran into Harry’s room. Harry looked around at his mum, Gran, and Robin, but none of them were looking at him – they were all fixed on the hallway where Louis had disappeared. The door opened, though, and Harry looked, too._ _ _ _

____His jaw dropped when Louis came around the corner with an _enormous_ dog. It came nearly up to Louis’ chest, but it was walking calm as anything on the leash. Its tail was wagging when Louis brought the dog in, and Harry was up in an instant, walking to pet it. _ _ _ _

____“Can I – is it nice?” Harry asked, stupidly. It was obviously nice; it sat when Harry approached it, its tail still wagging on the floor like it was sweeping, and its tongue lolled out of its mouth, making it look like it was smiling. Its fur was soft, and her floppy ears were like velvet when Harry touched them._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, she’s really sweet,” Louis said. He scratched the dog’s ears, and she closed her eyes and leaned into the touch. “Her name is Persephone,” Louis added. “She’s a therapy dog. Well – she was going to be a therapy dog,” he corrected, “but she, er – she has a mind of her own, and some of her training didn’t go as planned. She failed out of the program because she wouldn’t keep a distance from one of the trainers; she wanted to stay in his lap. Other than that, though, she’s great. And now, you can train her how you want. She’s pretty smart.”_ _ _ _

____“You – you got me a session with a therapy dog?” Harry asked, and looked around. Everyone was watching him._ _ _ _

____“No,” Louis said with an excited grin. “I got you an actual therapy dog. She’s yours. To keep. Forever.”_ _ _ _

____Harry stared at him. The dog – Persephone – leaned up, just then, and licked Harry’s hand. Harry then turned around to his mum, who never said yes to having a dog before. “Mum?” He asked, not sure how to ask her if he could keep his Christmas present._ _ _ _

____His mum laughed, though, and nodded. “We’ve been talking about it for weeks,” she said, motioning between herself and Louis. Harry couldn’t decide who to stare at more, his mum, his boyfriend or his – his dog._ _ _ _

____“You – I can keep her?” He asked. He felt excitement building up, but he tried to stamp it down just in case. “Like, for sure, she’s mine?”_ _ _ _

____“For sure,” Louis said, looking ecstatic. “Me and your mum and Robin have been talking about this for a while, now. Robin signed you up for some training courses to go with Persephone on, so you two can bond and she can see you as her new master, or whatever, and she’s yours!”_ _ _ _

____“As long as you clean up after her and take _complete_ care of her,” his mum added, but she didn’t look stern. She knew Harry would. _ _ _ _

____Harry didn’t know who to hug first. He settled on Louis, because he was closest. “You got me a _dog_!” He cried out, laughing. He couldn’t believe it. “You got me a big, giant dog!”_ _ _ _

____Louis squeezed him tight. “Thought she’d help you feel safe and loved when I’m not here,” he said quietly in Harry’s ear._ _ _ _

____Harry just squeezed him tighter, nodding into his chest. “Thank you,” he said._ _ _ _

____He then went and hugged his mum, and Persephone followed him, her huge paws thumping against the floor. When Harry sat down, she sat down right next to him, and then started slowly leaning over towards him. Harry didn’t move, too amused at the way Persephone was looking anywhere but at him as she slowly slid into his lap. After about a minute of her slow-motion leaning, she was completely on top of him while Robin moved around, cleaning up wrapping paper._ _ _ _

____Harry petted his dog - _his dog_ \- and murmured to her while Louis sat right next to him, playing with her floppy ears and droopy jowls. She took it all in stride, never turning her face away from him, and clearly enjoyed soaking up all the attention Louis and Harry had to give her. Harry couldn’t help but think, privately, that this was the start of his own little family, even though he wasn’t even seventeen, yet. It felt amazing to have the love of his life by his side and his own dog – who was only three, Louis told him – in his lap, loving his attention and enjoying giving him attention, back. _ _ _ _

____Louis squeezed Harry closer to his side and scratched Persephone as he kissed Harry’s cheek._ _ _ _

____“Merry Christmas, sweet baby.”_ _ _ _


End file.
